Shouting Happy Fathers Day to my wonderful husband!
Thank you for all you do for Connor and me.
Thank you for modeling how to grow up and be a caring Godly man.
Connor is so so lucky to call you Da Da.
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
I came back a Mother...
I remember that cold January morning when I boarded the airplane. So much excitement and anticipation. Finally after nearly two years ( 21 months to be exact) we were going to meet our son face to face. I was so ready and yet I now realize how naive and ignorant I was on what was to come.
Just because his room was perfectly in place the crib neatly made with freshly washed sheets, the toys tucked away in the toy box, the house stocked with diapers, wipes, and baby soap and shampoo. The diaper bag WAY over packed with everything we might need. That doesnt mean your ready for whats coming.
The flight was LOOOOOONNNNGGGG and I wont lie it was so incredibly hard. We arrived tired and jet lagged in a foreign country and although most spoke english, our southern accents made it hard to communicate. We stuck out like sore thumbs and I almost felt like an enemy coming in to take a precious baby away from his heritage. We survived our first night and a whole other day before we went to the orphanage to meet our little one. It was the longest day ever knowing the very next day we would look into those tiny brown eyes we had stared at so often in pictures. Finally the time came and although it was about a 5 minute drive it felt like an eternity. We walked down the long winding stairs, my heart was pounded so loudly. We arrived right outside a door and our son was right on the other side. The door opened and we walked in, there he stood. The tears begin to fall even though I had inwardly begged myself for weeks not to cry. The emotion just came. He was the most beautiful of all God creations and God created me to be his mother. I scooped him up ( even though I had told myself not to try to hold him because I didnt want to scare him). Those first moments I barely remember what I did or said and yet they will be etched in my mind forever.
The days that followed were spent spending time with our little guy at the orphanage. I remember the night we sat down and signed the papers. The papers that stated this tiny guy was being given into our temporary care. I remember the goodbyes and how emotional it was to see this one so small leaving everything he ever knew. It broke my heart in a way it had never been broken. Even though it was one of the greatest days of my life, the heartache felt by each worker weighed heavy on me. Our little guy was so brave and never shed a tear until we got to the hotel room. He grieved hard and it was heartbreaking. We spent two days in the hotel room with him and just as he was beginning to laugh and play a little it was time to go again.
He was not happy about being woken up so early and was confused on why the room was empty and our things all packed away. However He did amazingly on the airplane. He never cried and slept, snuggled in my lap, or played happily in his seat. Dont tell me that God cant pour peace onto his children.
We landed in Knoxville Tennessee knowing our friends and family awaited to celebrate the arrival of our bundle of joy. Around 40 came to our airport party. Stepping off that plane i was not the same woman who had left 7 days earlier. I had everything in place, but I wasnt prepared for this tiny miracle. I wasnt prepared to have my heart walk around outside my body. I could have never been ready for the love that took over my entire being, for the pride that never runs dry, for the urge to protect. For the instincts of a mother. I wasnt ready or prepared for any of it. However the moment I laid eyes on this black haired, browned eyed boy I was changed. The pride, the love, the instincts they instantly came. I stepped off the plane back in my hometown changed from just 7 days earlier. I was a wife, a daughter, a friend when I left , but I came back with my greatest and most important title I came back a Mother.
Just because his room was perfectly in place the crib neatly made with freshly washed sheets, the toys tucked away in the toy box, the house stocked with diapers, wipes, and baby soap and shampoo. The diaper bag WAY over packed with everything we might need. That doesnt mean your ready for whats coming.
The flight was LOOOOOONNNNGGGG and I wont lie it was so incredibly hard. We arrived tired and jet lagged in a foreign country and although most spoke english, our southern accents made it hard to communicate. We stuck out like sore thumbs and I almost felt like an enemy coming in to take a precious baby away from his heritage. We survived our first night and a whole other day before we went to the orphanage to meet our little one. It was the longest day ever knowing the very next day we would look into those tiny brown eyes we had stared at so often in pictures. Finally the time came and although it was about a 5 minute drive it felt like an eternity. We walked down the long winding stairs, my heart was pounded so loudly. We arrived right outside a door and our son was right on the other side. The door opened and we walked in, there he stood. The tears begin to fall even though I had inwardly begged myself for weeks not to cry. The emotion just came. He was the most beautiful of all God creations and God created me to be his mother. I scooped him up ( even though I had told myself not to try to hold him because I didnt want to scare him). Those first moments I barely remember what I did or said and yet they will be etched in my mind forever.
The days that followed were spent spending time with our little guy at the orphanage. I remember the night we sat down and signed the papers. The papers that stated this tiny guy was being given into our temporary care. I remember the goodbyes and how emotional it was to see this one so small leaving everything he ever knew. It broke my heart in a way it had never been broken. Even though it was one of the greatest days of my life, the heartache felt by each worker weighed heavy on me. Our little guy was so brave and never shed a tear until we got to the hotel room. He grieved hard and it was heartbreaking. We spent two days in the hotel room with him and just as he was beginning to laugh and play a little it was time to go again.
He was not happy about being woken up so early and was confused on why the room was empty and our things all packed away. However He did amazingly on the airplane. He never cried and slept, snuggled in my lap, or played happily in his seat. Dont tell me that God cant pour peace onto his children.
We landed in Knoxville Tennessee knowing our friends and family awaited to celebrate the arrival of our bundle of joy. Around 40 came to our airport party. Stepping off that plane i was not the same woman who had left 7 days earlier. I had everything in place, but I wasnt prepared for this tiny miracle. I wasnt prepared to have my heart walk around outside my body. I could have never been ready for the love that took over my entire being, for the pride that never runs dry, for the urge to protect. For the instincts of a mother. I wasnt ready or prepared for any of it. However the moment I laid eyes on this black haired, browned eyed boy I was changed. The pride, the love, the instincts they instantly came. I stepped off the plane back in my hometown changed from just 7 days earlier. I was a wife, a daughter, a friend when I left , but I came back with my greatest and most important title I came back a Mother.
Monday, June 13, 2016
I wasnt being punished, I was being highly favored.
Lets take a step back to December 2014. We were 8 months into our adoption journey and were to the point where we could identify a child on the waiting list. With one failed matching already our hearts were still starting to heal but still tender and the thought of going through that pain again was terrifying. So we waited on the Lord.
Thats when our international service coordinator sent us a child study. ( A child study is info about a specific child with a picture included.) He was gorgeous!!! However as my heart was softening toward a child with Down Syndrome, Jeremys had not. In our initial paperwork we had marked no that we were not open to Down Syndrome. We laugh now at how naive and ignorant we were. However since i worked with individuals with Down Syndrome I begin to have a heart that was open to the thought of welcoming a child with trisomy 21. We begin to pray over this precious boy and for Gods will for our family. I let our ISC know that we would pray about this darling boy. Thats when she mentioned another little boy who had been waiting a alot longer than the first boy. Her exact words were " He has been waiting a very long time and we are longing to find him a family." She asked if we would be willing to look at his child study and we said we would.
I remember the moment I opened the child study and looked at that tiny face. I shouted over to Jeremy oh its Thaddeus!! We had saw Thaddeus before on the waiting list, as a matter of face we had saw him from the beginning. We had prayed that he would find a family. We had squealed and ohh and ahh when new photos were put up , and yet we never knew he was ours because we had made up our minds that we were not open to Down Syndrome.
I dont know how or why but I knew one of these boys was our son. I remember leaving notes around the house "for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.' Finally one day God spoke to me and said only I can soften his heart. Another words Steph your making things worse, let me work on him. We continued to pray and one day Jeremy came to me and he said its one of those boys. So we prayed and prayed. On January 11th 2015 we let our social worker know that we felt led to purse Thaddeus. And on January 11, 2016 I held "Connor" Thaddeus in my arms.
Never put a limit on what God can do. When I was dealing with infertility I often thought that God was punishing me for my past sins. I was frustrated, I was broken, I was angry. All along God was trying to bless me. I cannot imagine not having Connor in my life. I cannot fathom a life without him. I wasnt being punished, although I didnt know it I was in the process of receiving my biggest blessing. But I had to let go of the plans I had and trust the one God had for me.
Trusting and waiting on the Lord was the best thing we ever did. Out of the tragedy of infertility came a beautiful child who needed us as much as we needed him. And WaLa God blessed us all. He brought beauty out of the ashes. I wasnt being punished, I was being highly favored.
Thats when our international service coordinator sent us a child study. ( A child study is info about a specific child with a picture included.) He was gorgeous!!! However as my heart was softening toward a child with Down Syndrome, Jeremys had not. In our initial paperwork we had marked no that we were not open to Down Syndrome. We laugh now at how naive and ignorant we were. However since i worked with individuals with Down Syndrome I begin to have a heart that was open to the thought of welcoming a child with trisomy 21. We begin to pray over this precious boy and for Gods will for our family. I let our ISC know that we would pray about this darling boy. Thats when she mentioned another little boy who had been waiting a alot longer than the first boy. Her exact words were " He has been waiting a very long time and we are longing to find him a family." She asked if we would be willing to look at his child study and we said we would.
I remember the moment I opened the child study and looked at that tiny face. I shouted over to Jeremy oh its Thaddeus!! We had saw Thaddeus before on the waiting list, as a matter of face we had saw him from the beginning. We had prayed that he would find a family. We had squealed and ohh and ahh when new photos were put up , and yet we never knew he was ours because we had made up our minds that we were not open to Down Syndrome.
I dont know how or why but I knew one of these boys was our son. I remember leaving notes around the house "for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.' Finally one day God spoke to me and said only I can soften his heart. Another words Steph your making things worse, let me work on him. We continued to pray and one day Jeremy came to me and he said its one of those boys. So we prayed and prayed. On January 11th 2015 we let our social worker know that we felt led to purse Thaddeus. And on January 11, 2016 I held "Connor" Thaddeus in my arms.
Never put a limit on what God can do. When I was dealing with infertility I often thought that God was punishing me for my past sins. I was frustrated, I was broken, I was angry. All along God was trying to bless me. I cannot imagine not having Connor in my life. I cannot fathom a life without him. I wasnt being punished, although I didnt know it I was in the process of receiving my biggest blessing. But I had to let go of the plans I had and trust the one God had for me.
Trusting and waiting on the Lord was the best thing we ever did. Out of the tragedy of infertility came a beautiful child who needed us as much as we needed him. And WaLa God blessed us all. He brought beauty out of the ashes. I wasnt being punished, I was being highly favored.
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