Why I said No to inclusion for my son.....

  This is gonna be one of those upfront and personal post. I would like to say before hand that it is not my intent to offend anyone only to help others understand our decision.  This is why I said no to inclusion for my son....

 As a mother to a child with Down Syndrome I know Im suppose to be all about inclusion. I'm suppose to fight for it, and yet I didnt  and heres why.



  Connor is brilliant. He honestly blows my mind daily with the things he comprehends. He is smart and beautiful and obviously I think hes just perfect as all moms do.  He is all these things and yet still I know hes delayed. I see it daily, in the little things like how he holds a pencil all the way down to the big things like me changing his diapers. Connor is 5 and next year is kindergarten it feels strange to even say that word but the time has come. I know hes ready and yet he will not be joining his typical peers this coming year and that was 100% my decision.

   Connors been evaluated and is on a 18-36 month level in all areas at this time. I share this because I know it to be true. We live with the delays daily and its not sad or embarrassing. I know this is a tricky area to discuss because too often its not spoken about. We live in a world where everyone  strives to be on top, we want to be the best of the best and im no different I want the best for my son and thats why when it came time for that IEP meeting I knew long before I heard his teachers suggestions what I wanted for my guy.  What I want for Connors education is what all parents want for their children ( well all good parents) to grow to thrive to learn to succeed. I know it may seem like I have it all wrong here, but I know my son. He knows a handful of words and yet I can have conversations with him because I know his cues. I know all the quirks, and I know that placing him in kindergarten with his typical peers would leave him afraid, confused, and in my opinion possibly further behind. 

I know that this may seem to some like the craziest thing they have ever heard, and let me say Im for inclusion. I love inclusion. I want my son treated just like everyone else. I want the best for him and thats why I said absolutely when it was suggested that he be in the special education classroom for kindergarten just as he has been  for preK.   That wasnt a choice  his daddy and I made sitting right there in that IEP meeting. It was a choice we had prayed and talked about for many many months. It was a decision we made with Connors best interest at heart. 


 One of my biggest fears as a mother is that Ill mess up. That somehow Ill make a mistake so big that it affects him forever. I feel that putting Connor in a typical kindergarten classroom might have done just that. Hes just not ready.  This is not my opinion. This is not cause I want him to have a easy ride, I want to challenge him, I want to see him rise, I want all of that. Placing my sweet boy with typical 5 year olds is not the answer.

   For those who do not know I work as a Special Education Assistant. Let me say that I do not think that means I have all the answers. I love my job, Its what I was born to do I have no doubt and its helped me understand many things in life. Its given me a front row seat to inclusion and the CDC (comprehensive development classroom)  classroom.  Many who dont know first hand may think a CDC classroom is where you just play all day, or just hangout. I cant speak for every one, but I know in my experience its much more than that. Life skills, and the basics are taught and its so unique in the sense that it meets each individual right where they are while still challenging them to meet their full potential. And thats what I want for my son.

   I want Connor to be met right where he is at. In my opinion a classroom full of 5 year olds is not the answer and cannot meet my son on that 18-36 month level. I feel he would be left further behind. I feel he would be lost in a sense and confused. I dont want Connor to just slide through by being given a easy ride, i want him to be challenged so that he can reach his full potential I feel that right now inclusion is not the answer for where he is in his journey.  That doesnt mean he wont ever be ready to experience full inclusion. Our goal is to help him achieve just that in his time and on his level.

I hope that this makes sense and I want to say again how much I am for inclusion, however if I were asked if I think its right for every individual my answer would be no. I hope that now maybe others can understand why I feel this way. 

  Its not about  segrigating or making anyone feel less than, quite the opposite really. Its about meeting the individual right where they are and making sure they have the absolute best chance to grow and thrive in the best  environment for them specifically.

We made this decision to help Connor succeed. Cause thats what we want. Not to make him who we want him to be, but to help him become who he is meant to be.

Many things can be said about me as a mother and how I parent, but I hope it can never be said that I didnt love him with all my heart and try to do what I felt was best for him.

Reach for the stars my sweet boy, cause nothing is impossible for you. 

Ill never let him forget.....

  Today is Chinese New Year! This morning I dressed Connor up in his traditional Chinese New Year outfit ( the orphanage sent home with him) and we danced and celebrated to songs in my guys native language.

Its a tradition we keep just for him and although I often think of Hong Kong and my littles guys life before he came into our lives, there is something about Chinese New Year  and watching him dance in his outift that unravels me.

 The day we met Connor we walked through those doors and there he was in his Chinese New Years outfit. The first time I wrapped him up in my embrace he was in that beautiful burgundy suit with the gold cuffs and buttons, and I was changed. So it makes sense that the outfit does something to me.

As I watched him with endless joy I thought of his first family. His Orphanage family. See my guy was extremely blessed, which im well aware is odd to say given he was in a orphanage and needed a family. However its so true in so many ways. My guy knew love from the moment he  let out his first cry. He was cared for, and nourished. He was guided and taught. He was cherished and proud of. And when I came to realize that the overwhelming feeling hit that God had hovered over this precious boy the moment his heart began beating in the womb. God never left him. He place him with a mother who loved him enough to make the most selfless decision in order to give him a better life. He then went to live with a foster mother who we had the privilege to meet and hear speak at his farewell party. He then was moved to Mothers Choice Orphanage where he grew and thrived under the care of so many who will forever love him so deeply. And then He came into our lives. God was there each step of the way. Nothing was a surprise to Him and He never left him. He watched over and protected him long before I came into the picture.

So when I see him all dressed up, celebrating a piece of his past and he has that adorable smile I love so much and a twinkle in his eye I like to think hes remembering too.  I like to think he knows that Gods been so good to him. I like to think that hes thankful for those who loved him before we could. I like to believe he will never forget cause I will spend my life reminding him. That he was cared for, and nourished. He was guided and taught. He was cherished and proud of long before his daddy and I came for him. I like to think that He knows thats because God loves him so very much.   I never want him to forget who he is and where his life began and all those who helped him get where he is today and loved him long before I could.

I promise Ill never let him forget. 

A joyous day in the Down Syndrome Community.

The Flu of 2018

  Hey guys with the Flu running rampant I feel like I should share my story. 

        Connor ran a fever on Wednesday January 17th We were both out of school for snow ( If you dont know me personally I work at Sweetwater High School). He was still eating and drinking well and besides a running nose had no other symptoms. He was a little whiny but nothing that made me think he was seriously sick other than a cold. Im that paranoid mama who is ALWAYS concerned but I was pretty calm because I thought it was a cold. Connor is known to run random fevers I like to refer to them as mystery fevers because we never find out the reason  and he will wake up completely fine the next day. So on thursday he was fine. He was his happy spunky self and I thought it was all behind us.  On Friday  the 19th Connor went to school. No fever, acting fine.  Meanwhile I begin to have a horrible runny nose, I figured I just had a cold. On Saturday the 20th when Connor woke up he cried and cried. I checked his temp and it was normal, however he only wanted held and I decided I was gonna go ahead and take him to the doctor. I was extremely nervous to go because the Flu was going around so bad and I definitely did not want him to catch the flu at the doctors office. We went to the walk in clinic since it was the weekend and his pediatrician was not open. My nose was still pouring and I felt certain that I had a upper respiratory infection so I decided to be seen too while I was there. I thought I would get a shot and Connor medicine for a cold and we would be on our way. I let the doctor know I wanted us both to be tested for the flu. They asked twice if I wanted us both to be tested and I said yes while were here already there with it going around so bad I wanted us both tested.

The doctor first come back in the room after the test and said we were both negative, I cannot even tell you how relieved I was. She then explain that she had no idea what was wrong with us. It wasnt a upper respiratory infection and she didnt know why Connor seemed so upset. Then there was a knock on the door, It was the nurse she said the lines had just showed up on both our test, meaning we were both positive for the flu. I literally felt my heart sink. We were given Tamiflu and a doctors note that said we couldnt go back to school for a week.

Im telling this because I NEVER had a fever. My only symptom was a runny nose. Connor had a fever for one day that never went over 102. The next few days got worse. I have never felt so sick in my life. The Tamiflu made me very nauseous, but I know that is nothing comapred to some of the side effects others have experienced.

I am by no means telling everyone whose nose runs that they should go be tested for the flu, but with so many dying I feel its important to tell my story and to remind others to be aware and pay attention to your body and your symptoms. I feel that this could be why its spreading so rapidly because not everyone is getting the high fever and aches and pains we typically think of when we think of the flu. So we are out and about and unbeknownst to us we have the flu and are passing it around to others. I feel so so horrible that I sent Connor the school that friday, but he seemed completely fine and had no fever. So pay attention and when in doubt be checked out.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for us. Please continue to pray for all those affected by the flu and especially remember those who have lost loved ones.