Q&A

 Today im gonna answer questions im frequently asked.

Howl long have you been married??
In April we will celebrate 10 years of marriage!!!

How old were you when you got married??
I had been 19 for 4 short weeks when I got married.

Why did you decide to adopt??
God made it very clear that it was his plan for us to adopt a child.  We began the journey in 2014.

Did you know you wanted to adopt a child with Down Syndrome?

No. We were asked to fill out paperwork saying what diagnosis and special needs we were open to and somewhere there is a paper with my hand writing with a NO written beside Down Syndrome. Isnt it amazing how God can change hearts!!!!

Did you want a girl or boy??
In the beginning we didnt care either way. However a few months in we felt God telling us we would have a son. We then let our agency know that we wanted to pursue a boy.


How long was the adoption process?
From the first piece of paperwork to holding Connor in our arms was 21 months. It was 27 months before everything was done and final and he was legally a Malone at last.

Could you not have your own??
Ive been asked this more times than I can count and first off its rude. I like to respond with I did have my own. I have no doubt that God knew when he created me that this child would be my son.

In regards to biological children we tried for 7 years. It never happened. Could it happen?? Sure and it could not. Only God knows what the future holds.

However Connor is not plan B. He is not mine because I couldnt have biological children. He was always meant to be ours regardless. And he is the perfect fit into our family.

Will you adopt again??
I would like to think yes, but the truth is we fully believe adoption is a calling from God so its not for us to say. If he calls, we will follow.

Do you know anything about Connors biological parents??
We have basic information about them. We have no contact with them at this time, however we have reach out to his biological mother and are awaiting a reply. We are open to a relationship if she is.

How did you know God was calling you to adopt??
It was a aching in our hearts that would not go way. We both felt it. We literally felt like someone was missing.

Is the adoption process hard??
The adoption process is extremely difficult, but so so worth it.

How much did he cost?
Ive literally been asked this more than once. I like to start out by saying he is a person and he was not bought. Therefore he didnt cost anything. The adoption fees ( agency fees, country fees, travel) were  right at $20.000

Wow I could never afford that!!  How did you do it??
 We literally had no money saved. We funded our adoption by working our butts off and fundraising for every single dime of that $20,000. God foots the bill when its his plan.

Got more questions?? Feel free to Comment below I love to talk about our journey.

No diagnosis, No limitations, Just you.

   When Life gets tough, we get tougher.

      Are you ever cruising along when bam out of no where you are blind sided and have to hit the brakes, and its back to reality that life is hard. 

    Most days Ill admit I forget that Connor has Down Syndrome.  Sure I advocate, Ive posted facts every single day this month since its Down Syndrome awareness month. However most days I forget, because hes Connor, he needs no other label he is my son bottom line.  We laugh, we play, we cry, we smile like everyone else. Life is simple, Life is easy. '

Then bam something happens. Maybe its a friend letting the R word slip and I feel my heart quiver. Maybe its being asked if you have children and you say yes a son. How old?? and you say 5 and then they start talking about what a fun age that is. Its then that every single detail they give about five year olds, dont relate to your guy at all. Maybe its cutting up your childs food and watching babies eating the same foods without needing help cutting it.   Maybe its checking your childs backpack every night to make sure theres enough diapers for the next day.  It smacks you right in the face and your reminded that your lifes different, and although your the same person the world sees as having it all together, the one who has all figured out, you start to feel that strange feeling creep over you. Maybe its fear, maybe its sadness, possibly anxiety, but whatever it is there it is showing itself once again. And for a split second you start to feel sorry for yourself. You feel sad that you have to worry about the next IEP meeting thats just around the corner, and you wonder if this is the year you'll have to fight. You feel frustrated that a piece of your heart cannot form the words to tell you how his day was, and you have to trust that he is treated kindly. You feel overwhelmed at all the extra care he needs daily, when the world sees him as a big boy.  You feel defeated, and immediately you begin to wonder if you have what it takes to love, nurture, and to raise this child.

Im here to tell you its ok for you to feel this way. Never beat yourself up for being human. When I start to feel all these things and when I strap in on my ride on the poor me train I simply remind myself of this.

   My life is better because my childs in it. Those hugs and kisses. The endless laughter. It all makes every day brighter.  My life did a complete 180 the day I became a mama. The day Connor came changed everything and although my life may  be harder and more complicated  ITS SO MUCH BETTER because hes in it.  The specialist, the IEPs, the therapy, the advocating, the stares, the worry, the delays, the nights I stay awake wondering what will happen when im gone, the hurt of watching him get further and further behind his peers, the opinions and unneeded advice, the countless tears when it all becomes too much and too overwheming. I want it all. I can take it all. Because He is worth it. There is no limit on my love for him. I am stronger. I am braver. I am better because of him, and even during the times when I feel so terrified that I am doing things wrong, that I am not enough I know that if love and hope and dreams were all he needed then hes set for life. Because I would drop everything if he needed me. I would fight with my last breath.  I would literally walk through fire for him. Theres nothing, honestly nothing I wouldnt do for him. I feel honored to pack those diapers in that backpack. I'll be there asking questions at those specialist appointments and I'll never miss a IEP meeting. Every single milestone Ill be cheering him on. And someday when my time on earth is done I hope he will be able to say My Mama loved me until her last breath and no one ever had my back like she did, she wasnt perfect and she didnt always have all the answers, but she taught me to reach for the skies, she taught me that even though the world may say different theres no limit to what I can do. When she looked at me, she never saw limitations, she only saw me. No diagnosis,  not different or less than anyone else, she just saw me.

To Include or not to Include thats the big question....

    So In the world of special need parents there is no bigger topic than inclusion. Its everywhere I look, and oh the opinions are endless. I'm certain its one of the biggest fights in the IEP world. Obviously I havent been doing this motherhood thing long  and I'm learning as I go, but I already have ideas and opinions about everything. So here are my thoughts on Inclusion.

I think its amazing!! I think its wonderful. I think our children belong with their peers, typical included. However (and Im sure I'm gonna get alot of flack for this) I'm not 100% sure I want Connor fully included. I know what your thinking, your probably about to flip out on me but please hear me out first.

  Dont i want the best for my child??  The answer is YES! I want the absolute best for my guy!!! I want him to get the best education possible. I want him to have friends. I want him to be liked. But above all else when it comes to school   I WANT HIM TO LEARN.

   What if the absolute best way for him to learn is not in a classroom with his typical peers. What if he would benefit in other ways. I know what statistics say, but all children are different and I want the right fit for him.

My biggest worry is him falling  further behind. My biggest fear is fighting for something that in the end he didnt benefit from. I want him to be where he learns best and maybe thats being fully included and maybe its not.

Kindergarten is right around the corner next year it will be time for those tough decisions, and Ive already been given plenty of advise from family and friends. But I want whats best for my guy no matter if thats what others think is best or not.

So there you have it, my answer. Its not a clear answer at all. Is inclusion a beautiful thing?? Absolutely,  However the thing I want most for Connor is for him to learn. I want him to grow. I want him to flourish, If that means he isnt in a class with his typical peers im ok with that.

So lots of big decisions are around the horizon and I wanna make the right choices for him. I want to be the best advocator, I want to be the best mom. I want to make sure he has the best chance at a good education and I want him to reach his full potential. What works for him, may not be what worked for your child. It may not be what you thinks best. But please trust that we will seek all options and please believe that we make all decisions with his best entrust at heart.

So inclusion or no inclusion we will just have to wait and see, but regardless of which path we choose I know there are big things ahead for my child. I know his future is so bright and he is gonna do great.

Tell that to the Mama.....

    So I was in a Down Syndrome group the other day on facebook skimming through and I read a comment that really struck a cord in me....." Down Syndrome isn't hard."

  This was a few days ago and I seriously cannot shake those words. They have stayed in my mind and heart since then and I have pondered over them. First off let me say that I am not mad, I mean what  I think is hard and what you think is hard can vary alot and everyone is entitled to their opinion and with that being said here is mine.

" Down Syndrome Isn't hard."

Tell that to the Mama sitting in the waiting room while her childs chest is being cracked open and their tiny heart stopped to be operated on.

Tell that to the Mama fighting for inclusion so her child can learn with their typical peers.

Tell that to the Mama whose heart cringes when she hears someone tell a child much younger than hers to use their words, when she has yet to hear her child utter a sound.

Tell that to the Mama whose days are packed with therapy appointments and specialist visits.

Tell that to the Mama who runs her fingers down that long scar down her childs chest and remembers how close they came to losing this beautiful life.

Tell that to the Mama who sits in every IEP meeting with tears streaming down her face as she hears they didnt reach any of their goals this year.

Tell that to the Mama who hears her child cough and panics alittle and wonders if it will turn to pneumonia again this time.

Tell that to the Mama struggling to pay all the medical bills and wondering if she will every get ahead.

Tell that to the Mama who constantly hears the R word used in a derogatory way and her heart breaks into pieces.

Tell that to the Mama who watches her childs younger sibling walk circles around them and wonders when they will take their first steps.

Tell that to the Mama who walks into the room after their childs heart surgery and sees the machines and tubes and has to remind herself to breathe cause with that first glance her world is crashing down around her.

Tell that to the Mama who believes that words will come, and yet learns sign language in case they do not.

Tell that to the Mama who agonizes over what will happen when she is gone because her child is not able to live independently.

Tell that to the Mama who has fought, and advocated every single day of her childs life.

So no I do not agree with the statement "Down Syndrome isn't hard" cause I think it is.  Some days excruciatingly hard. Its also beautiful even on the hard days. Its also wonderful even when Im completely overwhelmed. Its also magical even on the days I dont quite see it that way.

Down Syndrome is hard, but  its the greatest journey i've ever been on. Even when its Hard I know my little guy is OH SO WORTH IT!!!!!

A new Season

A new Season is coming up for me......

   I accepted a job at Sweetwater High School as a Special Ed and CDC Assistant.  Leaving Tri County Center was extremely hard!!! I have never had such a hard time leaving a job it was truly heartbreaking, but this new opportunity is going to be life changing for our family.  Not to mention being able to enrich the lives of teenagers Ill also have tons more time to spend with Connor. It is just such a  privilege to know I will be able to be with him on all breaks from school. The pros are out of this world. The hard part is saying goodbye to so many I love very much. I will go visit, but it will never be the same as spending those 40 hours a week laughing and growing with them.

   When I started working at TCC three years ago I had no idea what all would happen in those three years. We were in the very beginning steps of our adoption journey when I started and I had no idea that I would be the mother of a adorable little boy with Down Syndrome. I truly believe that God placed me exactly where I needed to be. So that I could grow and learn and not be so afraid. Working side by side with several individuals with Down Syndrome as well as others with intellectual disabilities changed me and I have no doubt in my mind that im a better mother for it. Actually im a better person for it. Im not the same girl who walked in for that interview three years ago, I know I was placed specifically there for a much higher purpose than to make money.

    And now Im beginning again and beginnings are so scary. No one likes going out of there comfort zone because well  its uncomfortable!! However I believe its time for this new season and as much as my heart breaks to move on I know that I am about to grow and change and possibly one day say Im a better person than I was the day I walked into Sweetwater High School.

Please continue to pray for me as I learn my new roles in this new and exciting season.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 

Everyday you change....

   Why do our kiddos have to grow so fast?????  It seems like I blinked and my tiny three year old is a completely different person. Like I put him to bed one night and he woke up grown!

 Jeremy I were talking the other night about how different he is now. The conversation started when he reach for and let our waiter at a restaurant hold him . The man who had been high fiveing Connor everytime he came to our table was happy to hold him for a second. We all smiled and laughed and then when we got in the car to leave I said " Jeremy  remember when he only liked us?" Jeremy said yeah and he screamed and cried when anyone else held him. Those days seem like ages ago, but really it wasnt that long ago and yet my scared, timid boy is anything but that now. He doesnt meet a stranger and his personality will leave you laughing your head off. As much as I miss the days when he clung to me, I love watching him bring happiness to others. I love seeing smiles spread across others faces and knowing he put them there.   I love seeing his relationship with family members and how much love he brings to our family. And most of all I love how our family is a up in your face testimony of Gods faithfullness. I love knowing that our story shows others that even Gods scariest plans are always for our good. I love that we have the privilege of watching this sweet boy change and grow, even if it means that I woke up one day and that shy timid three year old was gone and a spunky, out going five year old remains.

Enjoy every single moment cause they go by so fast!!!!