And suddenly I knew it was time....

   Hey guys I wanted to tell you about my latest adventure! Finally getting fit!! I've wanted to and needed to for awhile, but lacked the motivation. Honestly its hard to get the motivation until you see results, but how do you get results without starting. Well you don't. I had to at least get motivated enough to start, which was so stinking hard, I cant even lie! However once I did the results are what drive me to keep going!!!

Basically I had to make myself start, and believe results would come. I started by working out once a day. Once I began feeling better, boom I had motivation. I then started meal prepping and eating healthy, and I became so addicted to the gym that I started doing twice a days working out in the morning and evening. Thats all well and good except I also decided to not eat my snacks. See my meals were a strict number of calories. ( Healthy) snacks in between meals helped me take in more calories that I need due to depleting calories due to working out. Basically I felt GREAT at first, and I was seeing HUGE results! I lost almost 3 pounds in a week, but I had also stopped sleeping. I just never felt tired. I was getting maybe 5 hours of sleep per night while working out twice a day. It was great until about day 6.  My head pounded and I felt as if I couldnt get up. I'd get out of bed workout then hit the couch and feel so exhausted to the point I knew I couldnt go another step. The headache wouldnt go away. I was miserable.

So I started up a new plan. I eat every two hours, lots of protein! However I do not exceed 1400 calories a day. I workout once a day. Its working! Im sleeping so good at night, and on day 4 my headache finally went away. I only weight once a week so I havent weighed this week, and even though Im not optimistic about seeing a 3 pound drop like I did last week I know that Im doing it the healthy way.

The Workouts.

Im super blessed to have a full garage gym at my house. I have no idea what half the machines are called so I wont even attempt it, but machines and weights line the walls.

 I am weight training. Its fun, and hard all at the same time. I work out a body part each day. I joke that Jeremy is my trainer because hes helping me so much, until I learn more and can do it more on my own. Theres so much to know about doing things the right and healthy way in order to see results and stay healthy. I can already tell a huge difference in what I can do in the gym. Its so nice to see results that way as well as the scale. The scale is awesome, but with weight training its not the best tool. Your likely to gain muscle therefore you will either weight more or even if you dont see your number go up, you may have actually lost more weight that week, but gained muscle if that made sense. Ill probably look back and laugh at this someday because im still learning and probably making myself look crazy. haha The best way I found to gage my results is how my clothes fit. They are already fitting alot differently with 7Ibs lost so far!!!  I will be focusing more on that than the scale number to help myself from freaking out if I do gain muscle.

My Plan

Meal Prepping

1150-1500 Calories

High in protein

Weight Training 30-45 minutes 5 days a week.

Meal Prepping.

We prep meals on Sunday for the entire week. We make lunch and dinner for 5 days.

 Everything is high in protein and low calorie. Our snacks included. I eat every two hours. Meals and snacks calories are calculated out, but I still find it helpfully to keep a journal to make sure im staying on track. Weekends are our cheat days, meaning we try to be good ( for the most part) But we dont track our calories or have set schedules.

What If I dont want to eat the meal thats prepped??  We just do it. There are so many times that I dont want to, but I just make myself same with the snacks. I dont always want that specific snack, heck Id much rather have a candy bar or milkshake, but I press through and eat it anyway.

As far as the gym goes I have become addicted and want to workout daily. I would love to do two a days and may get back to that eventually, but I really messed up and overworked myself last week (Which is why I couldnt sleep, and  had the headache.) I am trying my best to do things the right way and take care of my body ( after all you only get one.)

The confidence.

Start seeing the number on the scale drop, your clothes get lose and see if you dont find a confidence burst out of you like you think your all that and a bag of chips. ( Oh chips sound so good right now!) It sounds ridiculous until its you. Its true that I am changing, but  whats really changed is how I feel about myself. That makes us all look and feel better! My confidence is at an all time high, sure I have a long ways to go, but im on the right road now and am feeling better than ever.

Finding Motivation.

Like I said at the beginning you have to find the motivation to start, once the results start showing your motivation will grow and grow with each positive change. My beginning motivation was these two.

 I wanna be around with these guys as long as I can. Theres no mountain I wouldnt try to move for them. No limit my love wouldnt go. So a few positive changes in order to make sure mama is healthy well thats no trouble at all.

The Results.

7Ibs down so far. My clothes fit very different, and the most important part I feel fantastic!

Positive feedback.

Ive gotten so much positive feedback from my result pictures I just want to thank everyone for their kind words of encouragement. Its been so hard, and I appreciate yall cheering me on. I have the greatest support system and that means so so much!

If  you wanna know anything else feel free to ask. Im no expert, im just beginning myself, but im here to talk if you need a listening ear. We can even talk about how hard it is and how all we want is a bag of chips and a candy bar. Im here anytime! 

Don't you want more kids????

      Jeremy and I went for a bike ride on Saturday. For me riding is so therapeutic. I forget everything, and just breathe. The only thing I have to think about is when to lean for curves. Its one of the most relaxing things for me. Its when I can think clearly without any interrupts. One subject was on my mind Saturday (its something I've been asked more times then I can count )and  I feel compelled to talk about it.

 First off let me say that its no ones business, and I know I certainly don't have to answer however I want to.   I've been asked numerous times "Don't you want more kids??" The answer is yes! And sometimes no!  Biological? Adopted?   I totally understand that these questions are mostly from peoples intrigue with adoption. Most of the time I shrug it off with "we'll see", but today I'm gonna open up and answer. So if you've wonder this very thing then this post is for you.

I would love to have more children. Ya'll know I always wanted 5 right??  Not entirely sure why, but thats just always been the number. Isn't life full of surprises. In high school when everyone was dreaming of careers, my answer remained the same to the million dollar question " What do you wanna do??" I wanna be a mother.  I had no way of knowing then that infertility would destroy those plans of 5 little Stephanies in this world.

Ya'll know our story ( if not you can find it very easily on this blog.) You know that God took the very thing that broke our hearts  and used it for His glory. To find our son Connor on the other side of the world.  We love our life and although it took many years to get here, we love the beauty God brought from our ashes. We wouldnt change a thing.....but do we want more???

Yes, we would love another child. 

Biological??

To be quite honest (from my perspective) no. I know this seems baffling, but its the truth. The thought of "trying" leaves me feeling broken all over again. Even the word feels heart breaking to me. It makes me cringe honestly. So no I have no interest in crying month after month. In getting my hopes up every single time, only to be left sobbing in whatever bathroom i'm in at the time. I can't.... I won't go there again.

However If God sends me a miracle, I cant say I wouldn't be ecstatic. I cannot even fathom the emotions we would feel. The thankfulness and awe that would overflow. Do we believe God could give us biological children?? Of course. We have no way of knowing the plans He has for our future. A biological children would be a huge surprise.

Adopted??

YES!!!! If it were solely up to me id be done with paperwork right now. Honestly we would probably already have another and be working towards a third. However I believe its Gods calling on our life that lead us to Connor, and if its His will then we will step forward in faith just as we did last time. I know what your thinking and your right God cares about ALL orphans so how can we justify waiting to be called. This is where I fully believe in Gods timing. I first began researching adoption early in our marriage. We obviously knew early on something was up, and I was ready to adopt. Could we have started the process back then without letting God lead, sure. Would it have gone as smoothly, no. Without God leading it never does, but sure we could have trudged forward on our own. But guess what at that time Connor wasn't even born yet. This is where my opinion comes into play I fully believe its about finding your child, not adopting a child. So my child was not born. Which means we would have adopted another child. And then the question that leaves me shook, that scares me to the core Without God, with us not waiting to be called and allowing Him to lead " what if we adopted someone elses child?? What if we took someone elses Connor?" I believe God has a plan for us all. So God has a plan for all orphans to have families. Often people arent willing to listen to His still small voice. Arent willing to step out. To some its unthinkable. Thats where Orphans without homes, come into play ( again this is my opinion) and im not saying everyone is called to adopt so please don't get me wrong. However what if another family had decided to adopt Connor, not because God called them to, but because they wanted a child, and they chose him. We would have been robbed of our biggest blessing. Sure we could adopt another child, but it wouldn't be our Connor. I cannot even fathom this, he fits in our family perfectly. Ya know why?? Because God called us to adopt HIM. Not any child, but Him. It was always about him. So just like with Connor, I believe we need to wait on God to call us.

God hasn't called us yet, and we don't know that He will. It could be possible that our family is already complete, only God knows the plans He has for us. If its his plan for us to have more children we will be thrilled, if its not then we are thrilled. God has already given us so much more than we deserve and our life is beautiful.

So will there be more little Jeremy and Stephanie Malones only time will tell. I can tell you theres no secrets or plans right now. However if God says to move, we are ready. Right now we are standing still, and letting God move. We are praying for His will for our family. So stay tuned with us.

I'm a breath of fresh air, I'm a peacemaker.

 I am a peacemaker. I do not enjoy drama, and without even meaning to I feel the weight when others aren't getting along even if it has nothing to do with me. I want peace. I want love. I want happiness and contentment. This hasn't always been something i've loved about myself due to the fact I stay stressed and worried about things that are out of my control. I think disagreements are fights. Disagreements bother me. I carry that with me. Its difficult and as much as I don't like it, I can't turn it off. But i've come to a revolution.....

There's no shame in being a peacemaker. 

I don't share my opinions on facebook. You won't catch me blasting anyone in the comment section. You won't see political views. Because all of these things are recipes for disaster for a peacemaker.  However on the rare occasion I do post something that rubs someone the wrong way I either A. delete my post or comment, or B don't respond. A is normally what ends up happening.  This has only happened however a handful of times and obviously it's never my intent.  I've been accused of never having a opinion to which I say we all have a opinion and i'm no different, I just know when to keep quiet. Which in this day and time is often due to everyone taking offense to everything.  There are times though when we don't think. We say something with no ill intent, and yet its taken opposite I say often that i'm misunderstood. It happens often on social media. The problem is from behind a keyboard you cannot hear someones tone or see their facial expressions. Sometimes in an attempt to be sarcastic or funny were taken wrong because what we've written has been taken seriously. I try my best to put emojis to express the way I mean something, but it doesn't always work. One thing that helps me stay out of unnecessary drama is the just keep scrolling rule. If I see something I don't like or agree with, I just keep scrolling. There's no reason for me to get involved honestly. However sometimes no matter what we do we get caught up in this crazy world of negative reactions.

I've been told off in a support group for crying out loud. I often get a lot of flack for my take on inclusion because I full heartedly think there are times that a CDC room is best. I even chose this route for my own child, which is one of the only times I spoke up.  Dont mess with mama bear. haha

My point is if your a peacemaker like me don't be ashamed. We are few and far between and I happen to think were a breath of fresh air in this drama filled, opinion forced on, crazy world. So keep spreading the peace, and staying out of what doesn't concern you. We cant stop the hate, but certainly don't have to join in. 

Keep being peaceful ya'll. Us peacemakers sincerely appreciate it.