My son has officially hit the terrible twos.....yes hes six this is one of those things we don't like to talk about. Connor has changed alot this year, its evident by looking at him. He has grown so so much, but what you may not have noticed is his growth in ways besides his physical appearance.
Connor has blossomed this year. His knowledge has expanded greatly. He is one smart dude. This year brought lots of changes. Kindergarten year is such a big year, and if your like me you don't fully understand that until you have a child in kindergarten. Its more than coloring and recess like is often joked about.
This year Connor was re-evaluated at school. Connor was first evaluated when he started PreK in 2016, he had been home about 6 weeks at the time. Some thought we were completely crazy to start him in school so early after coming home, we did this for a number of reasons and I can assure you we didnt come to the decision without much prayer and sleepless nights. One of the reasons is so therapy could continue. Connor received therapy at the Orphanage, and we felt it was a good idea to continue asap. Also we felt since his whole life had just been flipped upside down it was best to make things as close to his new normal as possible as soon as possible. This does not work for everyone so please dont get me wrong. We felt this was best for Connor. We didnt want to let him get used to spending all day with us and him get comfortable with this routine and then him start school later and him feel uncertain all over again. I honestly feel like we made the best decision ( for him) doing things this way. He absolutely loves school! I fully attribute this to it always being apart of his life ( since coming home.)
I went on a rabbit chase there haha back to my point. Connor was evaluated basically right after coming home. He was found to function on around a 2 year old level at that time with communication lower around a 15 month level. His primary disability was noted as developmental delay. This was in 2016 so we knew he absolutely needed re-evaluated. He has changed so much since coming home and honestly the evaluation process is flat out amazing when it comes to seeing all the growth and change.
The evaluation process is is very thorough. I filled out a portion as well as his teacher and school psychologist. It was noted that my findings were a little harsher. Oops, im not sure if this is the norm or not, but I attribute it to me being able to speak more freely as a oppose to others having to thread more lightly due to mama bear. LOL Either way it was noted that "His mother reacted more negatively to his behavior." Ouch Ill be honest I cried and felt horrible, but then I dried my eyes and assured myself it was because of what I explained above.
One of my favorite parts is the classroom observation. I think im so intrigued with it because I literally get to see what hes like inside school when mama and daddy are not around. I'll share a little of his classroom observation here to give you a inside look. :)
" When asked to line up Connor immediately went and stood in line. He waited patiently while other peers lined up. Connor was in the middle of the line." (To my knowledge he has never been one to want to be in the front of the line.)
"Connor nonverbally requested help from one of the special education assistants. Connor wanted to hold her hand as they walked down the hall. As he walked down the hallway he motioned for the observer to hold his hand. The observer was informed that he would attempt to swing." (Yikes, totally our fault we do swing him alot.)
" In the cafeteria Connor used nonverbal cues ( head shakes and pointing) to indicate his food selection." (I always wonder how he picked, or if they just had learned what he liked and picked for him. Pretty cool to see he makes his own decisions.)
" Connor needed assistance putting his straw in his milk, but overall he ate his food independently." (I remember when he wouldnt do this. He would literally put his arms behind his back. Way to go C!)
" It was noted that he would dump his food onto the tray and use his fingers to eat his meal. It appeared that Connor can eat under light supervision."
" Connor was observed during indoor recess in his CDC room. Connor gravitated towards spilling soft and color blocks into his head and playing with a toy dinosaur. He engaged in more isolated play but would come to an adult when he wanted attention. Connor demonstrated that he can follow classroom rules, such as, cleaning up toys with prompts."
This is why I love this part so much. After reading it I felt like I was right there with him. Other test were done during the evaluation process to get a assessment of his current functioning and skills.
This year came with a few new behaviors from Connor. He learned the art of yelling. :(
He would yell at whoever asked him to do something, or when asked to stop a specific task. This is not a at school only behavior he yells at me also, this has gotten much much better though with appropriate punishment ( at home.) His teachers were wonderful about communicating with me about this so that together we could get this behavior resolved. We all sympathize with him due to knowing alot of this behavior stems from not being able to communicate his thoughts and needs Yet at the same time yelling at other is not appropriate and we stand by that as well. Connor also began to withdraw and say no and become reluctant to do new things. A good example is he would not go with the examiner for his testing and so testing took place in the CDC room where he was comfortable. One fear of mine for Connors future is that he will not continue to grow and flourish due to his own reluctance to try new things and engage in different activities. I dont know all the answers to this, but all I can do is encourage and continue to try different things with him. All this is noted as my concerns, believe it or not im pretty vocal in these meetings. Ive done so much better this year about not crying. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with our tears, I try super hard to refrain during these meetings. Ive come along way. Up until this year there hasnt been a IEP I havent sobbed in. I now at least make it to my car and have a good cry by myself. Its not anything anyone does or says. We have never had a bad meeting. We have never felt bullied or ganged up on. My heart goes out to those parents who have. SPS is amazing! and we are so so thankful for them and all they do for Connor.
This year after his evaluation Connor met state criteria as an intellectually disabled student. While we fully agree with this, its hard to stomach at the same time. In my opinion thats whats so hard about IEPs. Its all things you know, but to hear them out loud its difficult. This evaluation didnt compare Connor to any specific age, its scaled very different. Connor is well below average compared to his same-aged peers.
I said all this to give you a inside look at a IEP Evaluation. To show you why we go into IEPs with a wall up in order to refrain from emotions. Its one of those things we dont like to talk about. I haven't had a bad experience and yet IEPs are hard. I know they are hard for the teachers as well, I know its difficult on everyone due to needing to be honest and yet knowing your speaking so frankly about someones whole world.
Now back to why I say Connor has hit the terrible twos. Connor has recently become aware of his home ( yes hes been here 3 years, but boy has he started discovering recently.) Hes into everything all of a sudden. He opens all drawers and cabinets. His need to explore has come out of nowhere. A good example is up until recently our knifes in the kitchen have remained in a specific drawer ( Connor never got into things so we felt no need to "baby proof") Knifes are now up high out of reach. He will come through the house jabbering and playing and Ill realize he has our ice cream scoop or not so innocently yesterday our pizza cutter. It doesnt seem to matter how much you remind him those things belong in drawers and are not toys. Also the word no or stop means a pouty lip and lots of tears. Or when he gets real mad it means going limp and pitching a fit. Maybe none of this sounds like terrible twos to you, but its what I think of when I think terrible twos.
I know what others say about me. Im too strict. I make something out of everything. I wont go any further, but I know theres lots more. LOL The reason I'm so strict and analyze everything is those two words I heard after Connors evaluation....Intellectual Disability." Its true I raise Connor differently. I know what everyone says and your right He is more alike than different and I do long for a world that sees him as the same. A world that sees him as enough. So dont get offended and stop reading just yet, I raise him different to ensure a good future. For him. For me. For our family. Connor is growing fast, and I know the day will come when he is too much for me to physically handle. I choose to raise him in a way as if this is it. What I mean by that is if he were to stay in the " terrible twos" forever. I need to have control. Im not one of those " Ill show you whose boss people", and yet I have to be the boss. I have to teach him that you respect adults. That you dont hit or yell. This is why I dislike "rough housing" this is why were so careful about " rough housing." What if I let it all slide now cause lets face it, it is cute now. But it wont be cute when hes towering over me and decides he doesnt like that I took the pizza cutter away from him, he doesnt like the fact that I say "no your not getting that" when were in a store. So he drops to the floor like a limp noodle, he cries and stomps his feet, or worse he hits. Sure I can handle these things now, but when hes much older and bigger little old me isnt going to deter him. Could this happen regardless of course, aggression is a real thing that comes regardless ask anyone who loves someone with special needs. But If I can keep these scenarios from happening by being a little stricter than most you can bet thats what Ill do. Cause hes a cute little boy now, but one day he'll be a man. And its coming quickly so the time is now to teach him all I can, while hes still young enough ( and literally small enough). So yes I raise him differently than most. I am super strict. Its super cute now, but my mind over analyzes cause im picturing him at 16 or 17 doing the same thing, and its far from cute its actually dangerous.
I hope all this makes sense. I know I went through a few different topics. I know im suppose to advocate and show the world (and new special need parents) that life is beautiful and they can do this even when they think they cant. That everything will be ok. That life might be different, but its just a different kind of beautiful however If im gonna do that I wanna share it all. I wanna share everything, even the things we dont like to talk about.
Connor has blossomed this year. His knowledge has expanded greatly. He is one smart dude. This year brought lots of changes. Kindergarten year is such a big year, and if your like me you don't fully understand that until you have a child in kindergarten. Its more than coloring and recess like is often joked about.
This year Connor was re-evaluated at school. Connor was first evaluated when he started PreK in 2016, he had been home about 6 weeks at the time. Some thought we were completely crazy to start him in school so early after coming home, we did this for a number of reasons and I can assure you we didnt come to the decision without much prayer and sleepless nights. One of the reasons is so therapy could continue. Connor received therapy at the Orphanage, and we felt it was a good idea to continue asap. Also we felt since his whole life had just been flipped upside down it was best to make things as close to his new normal as possible as soon as possible. This does not work for everyone so please dont get me wrong. We felt this was best for Connor. We didnt want to let him get used to spending all day with us and him get comfortable with this routine and then him start school later and him feel uncertain all over again. I honestly feel like we made the best decision ( for him) doing things this way. He absolutely loves school! I fully attribute this to it always being apart of his life ( since coming home.)
I went on a rabbit chase there haha back to my point. Connor was evaluated basically right after coming home. He was found to function on around a 2 year old level at that time with communication lower around a 15 month level. His primary disability was noted as developmental delay. This was in 2016 so we knew he absolutely needed re-evaluated. He has changed so much since coming home and honestly the evaluation process is flat out amazing when it comes to seeing all the growth and change.
The evaluation process is is very thorough. I filled out a portion as well as his teacher and school psychologist. It was noted that my findings were a little harsher. Oops, im not sure if this is the norm or not, but I attribute it to me being able to speak more freely as a oppose to others having to thread more lightly due to mama bear. LOL Either way it was noted that "His mother reacted more negatively to his behavior." Ouch Ill be honest I cried and felt horrible, but then I dried my eyes and assured myself it was because of what I explained above.
One of my favorite parts is the classroom observation. I think im so intrigued with it because I literally get to see what hes like inside school when mama and daddy are not around. I'll share a little of his classroom observation here to give you a inside look. :)
" When asked to line up Connor immediately went and stood in line. He waited patiently while other peers lined up. Connor was in the middle of the line." (To my knowledge he has never been one to want to be in the front of the line.)
"Connor nonverbally requested help from one of the special education assistants. Connor wanted to hold her hand as they walked down the hall. As he walked down the hallway he motioned for the observer to hold his hand. The observer was informed that he would attempt to swing." (Yikes, totally our fault we do swing him alot.)
" In the cafeteria Connor used nonverbal cues ( head shakes and pointing) to indicate his food selection." (I always wonder how he picked, or if they just had learned what he liked and picked for him. Pretty cool to see he makes his own decisions.)
" Connor needed assistance putting his straw in his milk, but overall he ate his food independently." (I remember when he wouldnt do this. He would literally put his arms behind his back. Way to go C!)
" It was noted that he would dump his food onto the tray and use his fingers to eat his meal. It appeared that Connor can eat under light supervision."
" Connor was observed during indoor recess in his CDC room. Connor gravitated towards spilling soft and color blocks into his head and playing with a toy dinosaur. He engaged in more isolated play but would come to an adult when he wanted attention. Connor demonstrated that he can follow classroom rules, such as, cleaning up toys with prompts."
This is why I love this part so much. After reading it I felt like I was right there with him. Other test were done during the evaluation process to get a assessment of his current functioning and skills.
This year came with a few new behaviors from Connor. He learned the art of yelling. :(
He would yell at whoever asked him to do something, or when asked to stop a specific task. This is not a at school only behavior he yells at me also, this has gotten much much better though with appropriate punishment ( at home.) His teachers were wonderful about communicating with me about this so that together we could get this behavior resolved. We all sympathize with him due to knowing alot of this behavior stems from not being able to communicate his thoughts and needs Yet at the same time yelling at other is not appropriate and we stand by that as well. Connor also began to withdraw and say no and become reluctant to do new things. A good example is he would not go with the examiner for his testing and so testing took place in the CDC room where he was comfortable. One fear of mine for Connors future is that he will not continue to grow and flourish due to his own reluctance to try new things and engage in different activities. I dont know all the answers to this, but all I can do is encourage and continue to try different things with him. All this is noted as my concerns, believe it or not im pretty vocal in these meetings. Ive done so much better this year about not crying. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with our tears, I try super hard to refrain during these meetings. Ive come along way. Up until this year there hasnt been a IEP I havent sobbed in. I now at least make it to my car and have a good cry by myself. Its not anything anyone does or says. We have never had a bad meeting. We have never felt bullied or ganged up on. My heart goes out to those parents who have. SPS is amazing! and we are so so thankful for them and all they do for Connor.
This year after his evaluation Connor met state criteria as an intellectually disabled student. While we fully agree with this, its hard to stomach at the same time. In my opinion thats whats so hard about IEPs. Its all things you know, but to hear them out loud its difficult. This evaluation didnt compare Connor to any specific age, its scaled very different. Connor is well below average compared to his same-aged peers.
I said all this to give you a inside look at a IEP Evaluation. To show you why we go into IEPs with a wall up in order to refrain from emotions. Its one of those things we dont like to talk about. I haven't had a bad experience and yet IEPs are hard. I know they are hard for the teachers as well, I know its difficult on everyone due to needing to be honest and yet knowing your speaking so frankly about someones whole world.
Now back to why I say Connor has hit the terrible twos. Connor has recently become aware of his home ( yes hes been here 3 years, but boy has he started discovering recently.) Hes into everything all of a sudden. He opens all drawers and cabinets. His need to explore has come out of nowhere. A good example is up until recently our knifes in the kitchen have remained in a specific drawer ( Connor never got into things so we felt no need to "baby proof") Knifes are now up high out of reach. He will come through the house jabbering and playing and Ill realize he has our ice cream scoop or not so innocently yesterday our pizza cutter. It doesnt seem to matter how much you remind him those things belong in drawers and are not toys. Also the word no or stop means a pouty lip and lots of tears. Or when he gets real mad it means going limp and pitching a fit. Maybe none of this sounds like terrible twos to you, but its what I think of when I think terrible twos.
I know what others say about me. Im too strict. I make something out of everything. I wont go any further, but I know theres lots more. LOL The reason I'm so strict and analyze everything is those two words I heard after Connors evaluation....Intellectual Disability." Its true I raise Connor differently. I know what everyone says and your right He is more alike than different and I do long for a world that sees him as the same. A world that sees him as enough. So dont get offended and stop reading just yet, I raise him different to ensure a good future. For him. For me. For our family. Connor is growing fast, and I know the day will come when he is too much for me to physically handle. I choose to raise him in a way as if this is it. What I mean by that is if he were to stay in the " terrible twos" forever. I need to have control. Im not one of those " Ill show you whose boss people", and yet I have to be the boss. I have to teach him that you respect adults. That you dont hit or yell. This is why I dislike "rough housing" this is why were so careful about " rough housing." What if I let it all slide now cause lets face it, it is cute now. But it wont be cute when hes towering over me and decides he doesnt like that I took the pizza cutter away from him, he doesnt like the fact that I say "no your not getting that" when were in a store. So he drops to the floor like a limp noodle, he cries and stomps his feet, or worse he hits. Sure I can handle these things now, but when hes much older and bigger little old me isnt going to deter him. Could this happen regardless of course, aggression is a real thing that comes regardless ask anyone who loves someone with special needs. But If I can keep these scenarios from happening by being a little stricter than most you can bet thats what Ill do. Cause hes a cute little boy now, but one day he'll be a man. And its coming quickly so the time is now to teach him all I can, while hes still young enough ( and literally small enough). So yes I raise him differently than most. I am super strict. Its super cute now, but my mind over analyzes cause im picturing him at 16 or 17 doing the same thing, and its far from cute its actually dangerous.
I hope all this makes sense. I know I went through a few different topics. I know im suppose to advocate and show the world (and new special need parents) that life is beautiful and they can do this even when they think they cant. That everything will be ok. That life might be different, but its just a different kind of beautiful however If im gonna do that I wanna share it all. I wanna share everything, even the things we dont like to talk about.
