Im overwhelmed by you!

           I pray daily for the funding of our adoption. I worry, I stress, I struggle but through it all God has been faithful. I cant eplain to you how thrilled we were once we were to the point where you can apply for grants. Up until that point we sold tshirts, had a yard sale, a sweet friend made and sold cupcakes, and mostly to be honest we just begged.  I spent hours upon hours applying for grants.  Most of you know we received a Matching Grant from Lifesong meaning we raise $3000 and they will give us $3000 making a grand total of $6000 for our adoption. So today I find out we have actually exceed the goal we have raised $3429!!! To God be the glory! We also found out a few weeks back that we received a grant of $5000 from Show Hope. We also have around $2000 in our adoption bank account. What im getting at is we only need about $2000 to completely fund our adoption. How great is our God!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no words for the relief and thankfulness that I   feel.

In a week feeled with more bad news that I thought I could handle I prayed for God to show me the good and He did.

Lots and Lots of LOVE

I have tried to envision it, arriving in Hong Kong meeting my son, the long flight home with a baby who has just been taken from the only arms He has ever known and thrown into ours in a sense, the airport party where im certain there will be friends and family, balloons, signs, and tons of hugs as our sweet Connor is finally home.  Trust me I daydream about it often but lately I have been envisioning something different.....

   Lately my thoughts are on life after the party so to speak. When he is home and comfortable, when  therapy has began, and Jeremy and I are settling into our role as new parents.  The hard part is I dont quite know what that looks like. I have rode on a plane, I have seen other families airport welcome homes parties the balloons, the signs, the tears, but life as a mommy I dont know what that looks like. Ok I have friends who are amazing parents so I know what their lives look like with their kids, but me as a mom, Jeremy as a dad, a family of three thats all completely unknown.

Whats therapy going to be like, will he cry, will it break my heart. Will he like taking a bath or will it be a fight every night?? Will I be too lenient?? Will I be too tough??  Will that natural instinct kick in that everyone talks about?? What if it doesnt?? What if I dont know what to do??

Jeremy and I married very young. We have grown up together in our marriage, its been just us for 7 years. Whats it going to be like to add our little man into the mix??

The truth is I feel like I have no answers and as a planner this makes me crazy. However, I know God will work all things out for our good.

Will it be tough, absolutely! Life is not always a cake walk.  Therapy will be hard, chances are even if he tolerates it he wont really like it. It will be worth all the tears it brings to see him enhance and be able to do new things.  Bathing is part of life and once we get into a routine He will realize its not worth a fight and he wont cry and hate them forever.  If  those mommy instincts should happen to not kick in I have countless friends and family there 24/7 for support.   Our marriage will change its inevitable but we will put God first and always make each other a priority  . We will survive the being stretched thin and the bumps along the rode as we jump on the parenthood train.  As I envision our life after the party I see nothing but happiness, more joy than my heart can hold and love, Lots and lots of love.

Waiting is our new normal.....

     Sorry its been so long, Not much going on lately just the hustle and bustle of life. We are currently still waiting for MA ( to be matched with our son.) its been 16 weeks of waiting for MA and while this may seem nerve racking to some, its become life for us.

        Every morning when my alarm goes off I wake up and wonder could this be the day? Is this the day I hear that we have been matched, The day I have been longing for, the day it finally sinks in that this picture I have carried around for 4 months is a picture of my beautiful little boy. I go about my day and try my hardest to focus on work when really I want to run and turn my phone on to see if I have a email or voicemail from our agency. When the day is over and at last I hit the power button on that phone, I feel my heart skip a beat as I hear email after email pour in, then my heart sinks only to discover that the message has not come. I look at the clock and assure myself that it could still come in, theres another hour of office time left. Then as five oclock comes I realize that today was not the day and tomorrow I will do this all over again. Who said waiting was easy.

       However I know God is refining us as we wait, and I no longer think like the woman I was 14 months ago. Thats when I realize God is using every second to shape us into the parents He wants us to be. It sounds crazy to say im cool with all the waiting, but really I do wanna be better, more educated, and just as ready as I can be for this boy who already has my whole heart.

        We are preparing and dreaming of the day we become matched and can begin on paperwork to actual bring our handsome feller home, but until then we soaking up our time as a family of two and longing for the day we bring home our third member.