Deepening love

Connor is doing wonderful and is very attached to Daddy and Mama!! This is exactly what needed to happen and is why we spent the first week at home with no visitors. If he attached to us and built trust with us so quickly through us giving him his daily care, he will attach to everyone else important in his life in time. Alot of people may not know but attachment when dealing with adoption is tricky. Even though Connor is young it could have still gone very differently. I am thankful for so much support from our family and friends who have lifted our sweet Connor in prayer as well as us in prayer. His transition have been as close to perfect as I can even describe and I know that is all grace from our Heavenly Father (and because my baby's awesome! :). I wanted to update you all and tell you a little more about my son and his cute quirks and personality. So here goes.....
    Connor can be shy. However with those he is comfortable with (right now mostly just Mama and Daddy.) He is a firecracker!!He plays and loves to laugh and make you laugh.  He loves anything musical. He has a keyboard, drums, and a guitar. He LOVES them all and is CRAZY about music. He knows so many songs and their hand motions from the orphanage. His favorites are Head, shoulders, knees, and toes. The itsy bitsy spider, and Wheels on the bus. Everyday when I feed him he will make those tiny fingers crawl above his head and of course Mama starts belting out The itsy bitsy spider with motions of course and he laughs and claps. He of course loves for you to play with him but Connor is also content to play by himself, and although he was surrounded by children at the orphanage He always played by himself and never really played with the other children. However he loved them being around. So far when around older children 5/6ish he seems the most intrigued. He loves to followed them around mimicking them. You can imagine this is the cutest thing ever. Connor is a awesome eater and has ate great since day 1. Connor has a swallow disorder wear over half the time his food goes down where it shouldn't so he is on a strictly pureed diet, so when you see me feeding him baby food I am not depriving him of real food. I would love nothing more than to buy my guy a happy meal and seeing his full set of teeth I know its hard to understand why I can't. Until he sees his Dr here and I have been informed other wise we will stick to pureed to be safe, literally. Connor also has to have thickened added to his liquids, he does not use a bottle or sippy cup but has a special cup to that helps prevent his risk of choking. However he would rather be feed his liquids like everything else by spoon, he is super spoiled ;).   Connor gives the biggest hugs after Mama changes his diaper, it is probably the sweetest thing ever and Mama lives for those hugs! Connor can  say Mama although at first he called Jeremy Mama too we are now working hard on Daddy (Dada). Connor just smiles super big so he probably can say it and is just playing us. Connor is primarily nonverbal. He can say nah (no) and Mama. Everything else is babbling. His speech therapist (in HK) was very happy with us progress and is very hopeful that speech will come but will probably be a few more years before He can speak in any sentences and such. Connor knows and can express alot more than he can verbalize. One thing i want you to know is this child is smart. You can show him something once and he will watch and immediately turn around and do it. We are very hopeful that we will have a high functioning future ahead, but like I have prayed so many times "God make him the man you want him to be."  "No  matter what that makes the future look like ". I truly mean it, because I know God will use him, somehow. Someway.
   In closing because formula needs to be made and laundry started, let me just say I honestly never knew I could love like this. I love my husband, I love my family,my friends, but this love is so different. This love is so powerful and strong. This love is a never ending love, a love that won't lesson, a love that won't change. I have become Connors security blanket. When out around new people or when he is tired (we haven't experienced sickness yet but I'm sure then too.) He wants Mama. I am overjoyed that he finds comfort in me. It's overwhelming the way I want to protect him. The way my Mama bear comes out of no where when a possible threat comes even in the vecenity of my child.
Motherhood is amazing! The love you had before you saw them. How you wanted to protect and nurture them before they were even in your arms. You thought it couldn't get deeper but then you saw them and oh the love deepened and you thought you could never ever love them more. But then you began caring for them feeding, changing, bathing, dressing, putting to bed each night and somehow it deepened again. This love is spectacular and I am serious when I say I had no idea it would be this amazing, that it could feel this awesome to be  a mother. The unspeakable joy that the Lord has allowed me to have, that this child who has no biological relation to me and yet could not be anymore my son is unfathomable. Knowing God chose us for him and him for us and seeing just how perfect His plan was. I just have no words to even begin to. Describe the thankfulness and gratitude in my heart for this precious soul God is allowing me to raise.

"Your ways are always higher.
Your plans are always good."

"I cant believe your here."

    One week ago we walked into Knoxville airport as a family of three. We were greeted by family,friends, signs, and balloons. The airport was filled with cheers and claps as we walked in. It was so awesome to have a big turn out for Connors arrival!!
   We spent our first week at home as a family of three. We snuggled, we played, and we bonded. I will forever be grateful for this first week and all our friends and family who understood and even if they didn't gave us our time and space. We believe this first week was extremely important and gave us a deeper bond with our son.
   Things are going great. Connor had exceeded all our expectations and is doing wonderful. Connor sleeps through the night and seems to be adjusting well to our time zone after only one week. He knows who Mama and Daddy are and seeks us for comfort. He has eaten well for us from day one and is even getting the hang of our big potty (they had children's  size ones in the orphanage.)
   This child is so amazing And has bounced back so fast from his life doing a complete 180.
   I have had so many ask why we can't show his face so I'll explain here too. Hong Kong does there adoption process a little different. We traveled to Hong Kong and met and brought our son home. However Connor is still a ward of the social welfare department of Hong Kong. We signed paperwork stating that they were giving him over to our care, yet he is still theirs. We finalize after being home for 6 months. So sometime in July we will go to court and Our little guy will officially become Connor Thaddeus Malone. Until then we can't share photos, which stinks but its the rules and we do not want to do anything to get into trouble.
   When we met Connor, he literally took my breath away. No picture can do justice to this tiny miracle anyway so if your friends and family reading this feel free to give me a call and come see this cutie in person.
   We just want to thank everyone who helped us through this incredible journey to finally bringing Connor home. Thank you for your donations, prayers, and well wishes. Please continue to pray for Connor as he will be seeing lots of new people and places these next few weeks and it will be overwhelming. Pray for peace and for him to find comfort in those who love him.
  I whisper this almost every night when I put him to bed and its still how I feel. I am still in shock that my dreams have finally come true. That after 7 and 1/2 years crying out for a baby, God has answered our prayers!

Connor Thaddeus, " I can't believe your here."

One week ago....

One week ago we carried Connor out of the orphanage and began life as a family of three. I could say that this was the first time he has been loved or had a family but that would be  complete lie. All the caregivers and volunteers were his family and oh the love he felt from them I cannot even describe it to you!!! I cant even begin to tell you  all the amazing things they have done for Connor or us!!! Somedays I feel guilty for taking him from them and there love and what he knew as home. I know that seems so ridiculous to those who have not been through it, but I believe alot of adoptive parents go through this. Especially when seeing their child grieve the loss of their previous life. However I know He will have a good life now also, with a family who is crazy about him and that's what all the workers and volunteers wanted for their sweet "Tim Tim". I have already sent them a update and photos and will continue to throughout his life after all he was their baby before he was mine.
   Connor experienced his first snow. He was not impressed and immediately went back to the door and tried getting back in the house!
Connor continues to get more and more comfortable with us.
The only time he cries or gets upset is when he is tired, which happens alot with the 13 hour time difference. I know he will get the hang of it eventually and their will be alot less tears.
Connors favorite thing is bath time. He splashes and yells. Oh the amount of water in the bathroom floor afterwards, but those giggles And that smile are worth it.
Connor loves to eat and is always eager for mealtime, although it's very messy he is extremely good at feeding himself. We encourage him to feed himself alot not because we do not want to help him but because it helps his hand eye coordination. We are always looking for fun ways to squeeze in PT, OT, and ST.
We love this little boy so much and know that God sure knew what He was doing when He placed his child study into our laps and said "this is him." I still remember the first time I realized that He was my baby. It's amazing  the things God will reveal when we seek him and say not my will but thine be done. If we had continued to be stubborn and go our way we would have missed out on this incredible child. And oh the love and joy we would have never known.

Connor, I love being your mother. Everyday is a adventure and I'm so glad your my tour guide. Mama loves you so much!!!!

Home 3 days

Hey guys sorry it's been a few days since my last update.  Im super busy!!!! Our travel home went so perfect!! Connor was a little angel in the plane ride. He slept our whole 11 hour flight which was the one we were most worried about. He played happily on the other flights. We know it wasn't luck, it was because so many were praying for us!!
We were greeted home by cheers, balloons, and welcome home signs. It was amazing to see so many friends and family come out to celebrate the arrival of our baby boy. There were tears and tons of smiles as we carried Connor through the airport. God is good!!!
  Connor arrived home and played happily with Mama and Daddy in his room. He explored the house and all his toys. Connor sleeps great but its still on HK time. However last night he slept all night for the first time and we are excited and hopeful that we can keep him on this sleep schedule and start getting into our routine.
Connor has changed our world and we are still in shock that he is here and doing so well. Please continue to pray for him and his attachment to us and for things to continue in the right direction

Prayer changes everything

Oh what a difference your prayers can make. Connor decided that he was a daddy's boy and while mommy is cool with that. What hurt is along with that He decided that he wanted nothing to do with me at all. He cried if I tried to hold him and refused to let me do anything for him. I immediately began praying (through sobs while locked in the bathroom) I emailed, facebooked, and tweeted asking everyone to pray.  Our prayers were heard by the Master!!!!
   Yesterday when Connor woke from a nap and began to cry I asked Jeremy to allow me to try and get him. I picked him up and swayed and sang to him while looking out our hotel window over looking the buildings outside. His cries stopped and he laid his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me. From that moment  on he loves Mommy too!!! Oh the relief it brings and how much sweeter it is now when he wraps those tiny arms around me!!!

   Yesterday was our first day as a family, Connor was discharged from the orphanage. Much to our surprise he gave hugs, kisses, and waved bye. No tears except from the workers and some from Mommy. Again I have absolutely no doubt it was because so many were lifting our little guy in prayer. It would have upset the workers so deeply to see him cry and be upset. Once at the hotel Connor began to weep and it was heart breaking to know the great loss that he had no idea would come in the following days. Although we will love him and he will love us and he will have a awesome life, he will still never get this life back and he will mourn the loss of it and all those he loves here.
  Connor is doing exceptionally well considering and we ask you to please continue to lift him up, especially tonight as we begin to pack up all our things and he will know something is up and it will make him even more anxious. We ask that you lift him up as we travel over 20 hours tomorrow. Pray that God would give him peace and Jeremy and I to be able to comfort him the best that we can.
   Thank you for your continued prayers!!!

One step forward thirty back

Today we were suppose to have a day outing with Connor, but today had a mind of its own and turned out to be a no good very bad day. Everything was fine until we were walking out of the orphanage and Connor began panicking. He cried continuously for two hours and we were unable to go. During this time He began showing attachment to Jeremy and not me. This is very typical. I have read a million books about it and prepared myself that it was a possibility. However nothing could have ever really prepared me and I would be lying if I said my heart wasn't broken into a million tiny peaces. In the mist of that I am also grateful that Connor is going to have a awesome relationship with Jeremy and I know he will with me too, eventually.
We went to the park this afternoon with all the other children and workers and things were better. Connor played and had a good time.
This evening we signed papers with a member of the adoption unit and Connor became officially in our custody tonight. This is a exciting moment and we are very relieved.
Tomorrow Connor will be discharged from the orphanage and will come with us to the hotel for the remainder of our time in HK until we all fly home. What was was an anticipated day is now a day we are kinda dreading because it seems that it will more than likely be  replay of today only so much worse because we are indeed leaving and not returning.
  Please remember tomorrow in prayer and pray that He would attach to both of us quickly and equally. Pray for our hearts and that we could be strong because when his world is breaking apart we cannot allow seeing or experiencing that to break us as well.

On a different note check out all Connor will be bringing home with him!

Told ya my boy is extremely loved by all those at Mother Choice.
Pray for all the caregivers tomorrow as well.

Connors farewell party

Last night was Connors farewell party at Mother Choice Orphanage. It was a time solely about him. There's was decorations, food, a cake, and so much love!! A video was put together of photos of Connor since coming to the orphanage and videos of him crawling, playing, and the first time He stood on his own. You could see his growth and accomplishments through the video and it is so awesome that we will have it to know that although we missed so many important milestones he was in great hands. Connor was showered with love and gifts. Some of the caregivers wrote him letters that I will read to him when he is older. It was amazing to see just how much He is loved. Connors foster mother came and even spoke at the end about how happy she was that He has finally found his family. It was very emotional for everyone. I will be eternally grateful for the time, patience, and love that  they poured into my son for two years. Without them and their therapies and hard work I have no doubt that I would be looking at a completely different boy today.
   Connor can pull up his pants and take off his diaper, use the potty when taken, eat unassisted, use some sign language, blow kisses and wave when asked to. These are just the tip of the iceberg of things they have taught him that blew Mommys mind.
    He is a very smart baby, but without them guiding him and loving him He would not have blossomed into the incredibly toddler standing in front of me today. 

Jet lag didn't matter.

I'm exhausted like literally to the point of feeling sick. It's unlike anything I have every experienced this horrible thing called jet lag but today none of that mattered.

   From the moment I saw him everything else faded. I don't even have words that can do justice to describe it but my heart literally walks around outside my body now. This is love on a whole new level. Of course I may be bias but he is the absolute cutest thing I have ever seen and I cannot wait to bring him home so I can prove that statement is completely true.
   Continue to pray for our attachment and his caregiver who has been with him every single day for two years. Also for all the workers as they all are attached and love him very much.

Whirlwind

It's hasn't even sunk in that we will be meeting our son tomorrow. I've prepared, planned, and dreamed of this day for 21 months, there were times I felt it would never come. It always seemed like so far out in the future and then bam were in Hong Kong. We were walking down the streets of Hong Kong today just exploring and I looked over at Jeremy and said are we really here, is this really happening?? We were matched with Connor in July so for 6 months we begged God to bring him home. We prayed over him specifically daily. Yet somehow getting to this step seemed to come so fast. I feel like we're in a whirlwind and I'm just trying to catch up. I'm sure I will look back at this one day and laugh at the sleep deprived crazy lady who was speaking. This time difference really is whipping my butt and maybe it's also being in a different country which is a whole new experience for me. I'm not sure but everything now seems to be on fast forward and I can't catch up.
    However we love Hong Kong and had a great first day, we look forward to things slowing down a bit. If that's even possible with a toddler. It just hasn't hit me yet that our sweet boy will be going home with us. I have envisioned it a million times and yet now that it's here I can't fathom it. I am thrilled and beyond excited and yet my body feels so tired and exhausted that I don't feel much emotion at all. It's such a crazy thing. Anyway ask me tomorrow how not feeling any emotion went, (because I know when I see that little face I will be overcome with emotion:))

Hong Kong zoological center and botanical gardens.

We had a blast today at the Hong Kong zoological center and botanical gardens. It is right outside our hotel and had lots of animals and even a playground. Definitely somewhere we want to go back to before we leave and hopefully we can take Connor.

Hello Hong Kong

It's 5:30am Hong Kong time and we have been awake since 3am this 13 hour time difference is killer! I'm sure we will get use to it about the time for us to come home. I wanna write about everything now because once I meet him I know all focus will change and I'll forget all the tiny details about our trip here because nothing else will matter but him! So here goes.
We flew to Dallas Ft Worth Texas it was around a 3 hour flight it was pretty uneventful. Next we flew from Texas to Hong Kong a whooping 17 hour flight! However our awesome pilot got us there in 16. It was rough! The people around us were so nice but man we were in the middle row which is 4 seats and we were in the middle two. You could not even move! This is not a fat joke, everyone was average size and it was awful! Oh man I never wanna have a straight flight like that again. Again don't get me wrong the actual flight was great didn't hit much turbulence and the stewardious were awesome. We were served lunch and dinner and two snacks. That part was great!! We however are very very thankful that on the way home we have a extra layover and our longest flight will be 11 hours , still gonna be rough with a toddler but were grateful its not 17 hours!!! Our hotel is very nice and very close to the orphanage.  We are a lot less nervous now that we're here and settled, now we're just super anxious to meet our little guy. We will meet him tomorrow morning. We have visits with his therapist and caregivers throughout the week so we can learn as much as we can about him. Please pray that we will soak in all the info and get up to date on everything cause its gonna go super fast.
  Some of you know I have been sick. My cough started on the long plane ride of course and I literally coughed the whole time! Please pray that I could get well and that Connor will not get sick.
Please pray for our first meeting with Connor. Pray for it to go well and that we can form attachment quickly.
I will definitely keep everyone updated!

This is literally the size of our room and its the deluxe room.

View from our room (been up over 24 hours)

Give us a week.

Adoption is hard. We see our side and know first hand the difficulties we have faced but think about the child. These strangers come in and take you away from everyone you love the most , and although we know he is in an orphanage to him it is home. Then we get on a crowded airplane and his ears hurts and  he is tired. I feel overwhelmed for him. We want our family  and friends to be there for one of the most important and specials days of our lives, when we carry our son into a airport and we are home together at last. However after the airport party we are taking a one week break. Attachment is hard and very complicated. We need to bond with him and form some attachment before introducing others. Please know that we aren't being selfish, we want you to meet him. This time is needed its not just us being silly. It's extremely important. It will be difficult I know but we ask that we be given our one week break. Our guy is very shy and we know that this will be so important and we promise when we are ready for visitors we will call. We are not trying to keep him away , were just trying to settle our little family first. Give us a week break, if not for us do it for him.

Wake me up I'm dreaming

I almost feel numb. Seriously it's like your on such a overwhelming high that it spills over into just feeling numb so your body can cope with all the adrenaline. I just cannot believe that we are leaving for Hong Kong this week! I cannot believe that when we come back Connor will be with us!!! After 21 months on this adoption Journey the end is in sight, and after praying for a baby for 8 years its finally my time. I honestly feel like I'm dreaming. Like any moment I'll wake up and none of this will be real. But it is real because we clung to Gods promises and never let go. We knew in His time we would have a little blessing and His time has come. Mama and Daddy are coming for you very soon Connor.