Holding you one year later....

Well you wont get an update about week 10 because week 9 was our week. WE HAVE HCO!!!! Meaning we can go get our boy!!!! Words could never express our excitement or relief.

God has walked with us every step of this journey and we are humbled when we look back and see each mountain He moved for us.

We are leaving January 8th and will meet Connor January 11th. This date is so so special because January 11th, 2014 is the day we let ISS ( International Social Services) know that we wanted to move forward and pursue the adoption of a precious little boy we had come to know as Thaddeus.

On January 12, 2014 Sweet Thaddeus was put on "hold" for our family as they awaited our paperwork. I remember telling Jeremy months ago when we realized we would more than likely travel in January that my guess was January 12th. Because I just knew that I would hold my baby one year to the day He was put on " Hold" for us.


I guess my Mothers instinct has officially kicked in because I will be holding my sweet boy one year later.

Since we already had plans to go out of town for New Years  i am out of weekends so I have been a busy bee packing for one of the most important trips of our life!!!

I am thrilled to tell you Connor is officially packed and Mama and Daddy cannot wait to see him face to face.

Gods timing truly is perfect and I'm glad our perfect time is almost here!
Only 14 more days until I hold my baby boy.

A Christmas Surprise....

Week 9  ( of 8-10 week wait) is here!!!   We are thrilled to know soon we will hear news and have the most important travel dates of our lives.

But wait I need to tell you something that happened on week 6!!!! We received a update on December 8th. It was mainly things about Connor this time the notes came from one of his caregivers at the orphanage. It was awesome to hear more about his personality and likes and dislikes on simple everyday task, But we were shocked when along with the update were notes from AU (adoption unit in Hong Kong.) Saying that they anticipated that we would receive HCO ( Higher Court Order, travel comes 1-3 weeks after receiving HCO.)  before Christmas! The week of Christmas was week 8 ( of 8-10 week wait.) but we never expected it that soon due to the holiday and so many traveling and out of the office. Thats not all we were given expected travel dates!!!!! I cannot tell you the joy and excitement that filled me to finally see a date in front of me!! It made it so much more real and  all I could think is MY BABY IS ACTUALLY COMING HOME!!!!  

We were told to begin looking at tickets but not to buy until we received HCO confirmation and were given the go ahead. 

We chose not to tell and to surprise our parents for Christmas. Oh it was the longest two weeks ever and it was so hard to continue giving updates for weeks 7 and 8, but I knew I had to in order to keep our secret. 

So for Christmas we handed our parents a card and said this is from Connor. The front said Merry Christmas and the inside said I cant wait to meet you on January 15th, 

We secretly videoed the whole thing and it turned out so awesome and a memory we can always look back on and cherish.

Could these dates change???   Yes, sadly HCO did not come before Christmas so until its confirmed they could change.  We anticipate HCO to come this week and are very hopeful that that will keep us right on track to travel the week we were told. Either way Connor is coming home very soon and we are so thrilled to share that news with you.

Please continue to pray as we wait for more news. I will keep you updated I promise hehe.

I choose different

Connors not home this Christmas. Let that sink in.
It hurts.
I'll wake up Christmas morning and I will not go in his room and lift him out of his crib. I won't see those ten tiny fingers open gifts.
I won't see smiles or hear giggles as he is surrounded by his family who are showering him with gifts.
And yes it hurts.....a lot.
I could be sad and although I can't say there won't be any sadness,  i can say I choose different.
I choose happiness.
I will smile in knowing that next Christmas I will be standing in the ridiculously long line at the mall to see Santa. I will be watching his expression and take  a million pictures of him opening all his gifts. I will see him surrounded by his family and I will smile knowing God not only gave us this precious boy but I will let the bewilderment sink in that comes from knowing that because we followed Gods calling on our lives this precious soul has a family who will love him forever.
I will hold my head high this Christmas and will rejoice in knowing it will be our last one apart.
The emptiness and sadness wont win this year because I choose different this Christmas.

Soaking in these last moments...

  I know this is going to seem crazy and please know that after 20 months of being paper pregnant I more than likely am. I want Connor here more than anything. I cannot wait to see him steps away from me and for the moment I can wrap my arms around him for the first time. I cannot wait to spend saturday mornings watching cartoons and eating a granola bar while he plays around the living room and more than likely eats most of my breakfast. I just cant wait for the day to day things we so often take for granted, but dont think I have hit the mushy gushy train completely because I also cant wait for SLEEPOVERS at the grandparents. Yep you heard me correctly and I honestly cant believe it myself but im human and willing to admit I will need breaks. I will need a moment to catch my breath. Even though it seems I have had all the time in the world I somehow dont think anything can prepare you for the parenthood train, especially with a toddler that lets be honest in the first few weeks is practically a stranger. Obviously when I say sleepovers I mean eventually as he needs stability for the beginning months He is home. One of those things I want him to always have and grow accustom to is Mama and Daddy at night night time at his own house and in his own bed, but eventually it will be time and as bad as it hurts my heart it will be time. And I can pretend its all for him and his grandparents to spend time together and although that will be part of it, ill still know deep down its for Mama and Daddy to be able to have a conversation over a hot meal that WE actually get to eat all of. And for SLEEP that we miss so much. And as awesome as the break will be our hearts will miss him more than we ever thought possible and we will be counting down until we see his sweet face the next morning.


I said all that to say this. As much as I cannot wait and as much as I wish He were here 20 months ago. Im thankful for the time I got to spend just with Jeremy. Staying up late, watching tv in bed, going out to eat, just all of it. The day to day things that soon may still happen from time to time, but will still be very different. These last few weeks as much as we are anxious and cannot wait to add our little guy to our day to day life, we are soaking in these last moments of just the two of us that will be few and far between very soon.

                                              Cant wait to parent with the Love of my life!!

WEEK 8 IS HERE!!

    Well Well Well  finally here you are.....



WEEK 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( of our 8-10 week wait).



This week I am thankful!!!! So so thankful that soon this waiting game will be over.  That after 20 months the end is in sight and soon I will hold Connor in my arms and He will have a Mama and Daddy who love him very much!!!! Week 8,  I am overwhelmed and so anxious. I am thankful that God has given me the desire of my heart!!  

God can do ALOT in a year....

One day in December our agency sent us a childs file ( called a child study) of a beautiful little boy whose name on the waiting was Thaddeus. We smiled when we opened the file to see that sweet familiar face. We had saw him countless times on the waiting list and had prayed He would find a family. We never thought we were that family. However when I opened the file and saw his face once again I knew He was my little boy. Im not sure why it took that moment, but it did. Im thankful for a agency who believes in the power of prayer, a God who intercedes on our behalfs, and for the social worker who sent that email that day. 

One year later we are waiting to be given our travel dates so we can bring home Connor Thaddeus Malone.  What a mighty God we serve. 

If you would like to read more about how we saw our son on the waiting list and prayed he would find a family, and finally realized we WERE THAT FAMILY! click here

Week 7!!!!!-

It's week 7 (of 8-10 week wait)!!!!! We are so so so EXCITED! We have been getting things done and anxiously preparing to find out those precious travel dates. I have never been so ready for anything in my life. I am ready to look into those dark Brown eyes and run my fingers through that jet black hair, I am ready to meet my baby!

Week 6!!!

Have we really made it to week 6 already. Time is flying and on the other hand dragging by. We are thrilled that in two weeks We could find out when we will see our precious baby. We cannot wait to find out those travel dates and see how God brings everything together perfectly. Keep praying!!!

A sign that I can do both....

  Sometimes we ask God for a sign and its not the answer we expected or even wanted. Before I start let me reassure all those reading that I LOVE my job. Hectic and stressful at times but so many hugs and I love yous as well. With that being said let me begin.....

I always always always wanted to be a stay at home mom. When asked even in high school what I wanted to be or do with my life my answer was I want to be a mother.

So now my dreams are coming true and no matter how I tried to do the math it seemed that staying home with my little love was just a unrealistic dream.  Sure we could make it, but with no extra money. However I refused to believe such a thing and I prayed and prayed that God would send me a sign of what His plan was for me. Of course I just knew that it would all go in my favor.

All plans seemed to fall through and I just couldnt believe that this was it. I would have to give up my dream of spending every second with my baby boy. I would have to experience that first time of leaving him and then I would have to do that over and over again 5 days a week, 40 hours away from him each week. I continued to pray for a sign of what I was suppose to do.


A few months ago I was eligible for insurance through my job, nope not doing that because that would mean I would be stuck. As I continued to pray my heart began to change what if I was meant to do both??  Still I wasnt convinced.

Then one day I realized that taking insurance through my job and coming off of Jeremys insurance through his work would save us almost $100!!! What???  Still  I tried to push it from my mind and persuade myself that this wasnt my sign.  When surprise I received a raise and the raise covered almost exactly what I would be paying for insurance!!! Seriously??

So I receive a raise that is exactly the amount to pay for my insurance and I save $100 which will be what we need to pay for Connors Child care each week.

So it wasnt exactly how my dreams went, but I cant complain because I have a child I love and a job I love and God sent me that sign and I know im meant to do both.

Week 5

Well hello week 5! I am so so excited that in 3 short weeks we will have hit the 8 week mark and it can officially be any day until we find out our travel dates!!!! This week I am so content and just anxious for the next 3 weeks to fly by!!!

Thanksgiving 2015

Happy Thanksgiving!!

From The Malones: Jeremy, Stephanie, Connor, and Nala.

Week 4!

We have made it to week 4!! This is super exciting because it means We could possibly hear in only 4 more weeks news on when We can go meet and bring home our sweet boy. We are so so anxious! Connors room is completely ready, and we are still being showered with gifts for him. It is so so overwhelming to finally have everyone as excited as we have been about our adoption. Please continue to pray for HCO(Higher Court Order.)

Week 3

 I am going to try to post each week about how im feeling. Weeks 1-2 have been a blur of excitement and anticipation.

Week 3 of our 8-10 week wait.......

I am so so so thankful that were on week 3 because it makes it seem like time is finally moving a little. I cannot believe how time has seemed to stand still since we know the next news we get will be travel dates. We have had our baby shower and Connors room is now complete. We are officially ready. However some days I must admit I feel so unready and I panic a little, but its just new mom jitters because I am so ready for my baby boy.

I try to envision what it will be like to see him for the first time. To walk into a airport filled with our family and friends and to finally be home. I try to imagine what being a family of three will look like. All I do is cry because I am excited, anxious, scared, and a million other emotions but deep down on week 3 I know were ready to feel complete again for the first time in 19 months. We are ready for Connor.

Thank you for Connor!

 I thank God for Connor daily, but if I had the opportunity to put it all out on paper and express what I truly feel it would probably go something like this......


        God, Thank you for Connor!

Thank you Lord for giving me the desire of my heart. Thank you for making me a mother. Thank you for keeping your promises.

Thank you for giving me my son through the beauty of adoption. Thank you for not allowing me to conceive biologically. Thank you for placing a calling on my life that makes one less orphan in the world.  Thank you for helping me find him. Thank you for calling me to do something much bigger than myself.

Thank you for making my boy fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you for who He is, Thank you for his health. Thank you for his smile.

Thank you for calling me to be this beautiful souls mother.

Thank you for Connor.

Baby Shower

 Saturday (Nov 7th 2015) was our baby shower!!! It was so much fun to have our friends and family there to help us celebrate our sweet boy. I loved all the questions about Connor and our adoption process. Seeing everyone as excited as us was overwhelming!! We are thankful for those who put it together and made the day possible. Thank you to Ivy who took pictures for us!  Mandi for making our Cake exactly how we wanted it and for bringing it all the way from Virginia !!!!and each and everyone who came and showered us with amazing gifts.

  Here are a few of the things we received.....A Tula  (Carrier)which will keep our hands free for passports and paperwork while navigating through the busy airport with a toddler.  Things Connor will need daily sippy cups, spoons and forks, plates, wash clothes, baby lotion and soap. Hats and gloves for those cold winter days. Toys which im sure Connor would like me to send out a very special thank you for. Clothes, a learning kit so we can work with Connor on his words  a tablet, a carseat, his first bible! and even one of Jeremys old blankets!! Drum roll please.........284 DIAPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are so incredibly blessed!!!! Thank you for loving our baby right along with us! More pictures to come.

Katie Layman surprised us by painting this awesome picture for Connors room!!!

What if He doesn't like us.....

         I know its crazy but I really uttered those words a few weeks ago and I meant them. Of course looking at it later it seems so so ridiculous. It doesnt matter though because in that moment it makes perfect sense and you are drowning in the unknowns. The point im trying to make is were human, im human. I have worries and oh do I have fears. However even in those fear filled moments I know He is my son. I know this is our life. I know He will love us. I know we already love him. I know things will be hard and there will be times while raising him that I will be scared out of my mind, but  I also know that there will be so much joy. I know that He is mine and I know He likes us.....Even if He doesnt know it yet    

Please pray that things wouldnt go according to plan...

Its hard to believe after 20 months on this journey that we only have a couple more months until the end.We are so close to scooping Connor up in our arms that some days I literally ache for him. 

Of course we are filled with excitement and anticipation so there is no time to be sad. We are having our  first baby shower this weekend a event I have thought of and dream about years before it was actually happening. Of course nothing is like I envisioned it and thats whats so great about our God! He sees the bigger picture and makes things better than we could have ever visioned. I am honored that God chose me to be TYKs mother. I am overwhelmed that He has chosen me to parent a child with special needs. I am blown away at how He believes in us. How He sees our full potential even when we are sitting somewhere sobbing saying I cant. 20 months later I see his plan , I not only understand it, but I am living it. I am a million emotions and they change daily, but what I feel for certain is ready.  I have so many unknowns and  things I am super nervous about, but im ready for this child. Im ready to struggle through motherhood like all mothers do. Im ready to try my best. I already  am experiencing this incredible love that a mother has for her child. I cant wait to experience How the love grows even deeper when He is here.  Im just so ready!!

So this brings me to the point of this blog, We are waiting (8-10 weeks) to get HCO If all goes according to plan it should come sometime in that time frame and then we will get travel dates somewhere within 1-3 weeks. I am praying things dont go according to plan, and I want you to pray that with me. 

Pray that God would perform a miracle! Pray that He would be faithful like he has time and time again. Stop praying for Christmas or any specific date. Pray that God would show up and show out. Pray that He would blow us away. Pray God would bring Connor home!!!! We know that these statics are  right and up to date, however we believe that theres power in the name of JESUS. We believe that He can do all things. We believe that He will bring Connor home. We know that this is too big for us but nothing is to big for Him. Help us pray for Gods perfect time. Pray for a miracle!! Pray Connor home!

Daddy finally speaks out....

Well I guess it's time to finally write my blog for Stephanie. How did I feel about our initial decision to adopt? I have to admit that I was scared, nervous. Don't get me wrong I love kids, but I've never really had to be responsible for one of my own. Being a father comes with a lot of responsibilities and sometimes I don't feel like I'm grown up enough to be a father. The more I think about it though, and what I thought when we finally decided to adopt, what is grown up? Is it giving up hanging out with friends, playing video games, dressing up like a superhero on Halloween, or just dressing up like a superhero in general? No. Being grown up is providing for your family and raising your children up in a household that provides love, nourishment, and a good foundation to build on in life. I've never been a father, but I've got a couple of good examples to mold being a father after. The first is my own father who I know loves me, and would do anything to make sure that I didn't do without anything. The second is Jesus, my Heavenly Father who gave himself to make sure that eternally I would never have to suffer or worry about what I have. Both fathers have always provided for me, loved me, and I'm taking care of all of my needs. Even though Connor may not be my blood son, he is no less my son then if I'd had one naturally, much like the kingdom of heaven that I've been adopted two through the blood of Jesus Christ. Even though I've made mistakes with both fathers, they never gave up on me and even though I know Connor will make mistakes, I'll never give up on him. So I'm not scared, because I know I have plenty of people around me that will help support me, and I know that Connor will have plenty of people around him to support him. So there it is, the blog written by Jeremy Malone.

Whats next??

Waiting on HCO (travel) is tough. Monday only makes one week ( should take around 8-10) and I already ache it hurts so bad. I think its knowing were so close and yet it feels forever away. When I tell you we cannot wait I know you obviously know thats a understatement. The thought of meeting Connor and finally bringing him home to join us in our everyday lives is so exciting and yet feels so unreal to me. I am over the moon about every single thing, but what I am most excited about is watching our friends and family fall head over heels in love with this little boy too.


    Now we are waiting on HCO ( Higher Court Order) meaning a court date. This should take anywhere from 8-10 weeks. We will then be given travel dates from anywhere from 1-3 weeks later. It is so overwhelming that the next news we hear will be travel dates. This is something that always seemed so far away and now I just feel like im in shock and in a daze! We cannot wait to wrap our arms around our son and bring him home to meet all of you!

Halloween 2015

Halloween is always fun but we know 2016 will be the best because our Robin (Connor)will be here!!

Exactly how God intended....

   A few weeks ago I decided to take a day off. A monday to just hangout with Jeremy and relax (Jeremy is off on mondays.) I tried to get the 19th but too many people had already asked off so I said no problem (since we didnt have any plans, that was the point a day with no plans.) So I got the following Monday which was Monday the 26th. We slept in, went to China Wok, cashed our adoption grant check, then we went grocery shopping. I had told Jeremy that morning wouldnt it be great to get adoption news today, since we were actually together. We were in Walmart grocery shopping, my phone always connects to their wifi which no offense is slower than smoke and so I can do nothing on my phone. Anyway we were about to get into the checkout line when ding I heard the sound of a email come in, and my breath caught in my throat the way it does now when I hear that familiar sound since being on our adoption journey.  When I clicked on the email it of course wouldnt open or even show who it was from due to the slow wifi. I was super anxious hoping and sliently praying that it was from our agency. We checked out and headed to the car with our groceries. We were pulling out of the parking lot and I was continuously trying to open this email that was probably just spam. We pulled out of walmart and onto the highway when at last about 4 emails came in and one was indeed from our agency. I said to myself over and over please please let this be it. I barely remember reading the email what I do remember is turning and staring at Jeremy. He said what and I just smiled. I remember the words I think we might have just got article 5. Then it was all smiles and excitement. I emailed our social worker to make sure she was saying we had received article 5 and we were moving onto the next step. She confirmed and then it was shock, and excitement, but the emotion that I felt most was happiness and relief. See our next step is travel. 8-10 weeks and then the moment we have fought 20 months for. The moment we meet our son.  So I like to think that I was always meant to have Monday October 26th off. We were meant to be driving down the highway together just us when we got amazing news, and I cant help but remember how all the other BIG moments of our adoption played out and each one was different. They were all meant to play out exactly how God intended them to, and I wonder how will this next step play out. What are those special dates We'll be given. I believe they are going to play out exactly how God intended them to and I trust Him completely.

"I know Everyone means well, but Christmas may not be the dates God intended and we want the dates He has picked not dates that get him home for a holiday thats true purpose and value has seem to be forgotten. We will celebrate Jesus birth with Connor when He  comes home. We want him on the dates God intended not on December 25th."
                                                                                         ----Stephanie (Connors Mama)

The 8-10 week countdown offcially began Monday October 26th!

 I love you Connor and I cannot wait to wrap my arms around you!!!

Adoption is so worth it.

 Adoption....its hard, its exciting, its frustrating, its blissful, its heartbreaking, its worth it.


Adoption has stretched me further than I wanted to be stretched, it has matured me in ways I never thought possible, it has changed me into someone I wouldnt have recognized before.

The love for my son came so easy, so fast almost like it snuck in one night and there it was. This amazing unconditional love that was so simple and came without any effort.

The adoption has been a struggle. The paperwork, the questions, the back and forth. the waiting.  The rollercoaster ride of emotions it takes you on. Nothing about it has been easy.  Actually quite the opposite it has been hard REALLY hard, it has been painful VERY painful.

When we were trying to get pregnant.....for years, I thought I would never cry so many tears. However I was completely wrong, the adoption has brought thousands more tears. Tears of frustration, tears of heartbreak, tears of sadness,tears of exhaustion, but all the tears werent bad there were also tears of joy, tears of triumph, tears of bliss, tears of excitement.

The planning should be a joyous time, but the fun can be drained out and it become stressful and leave you anxious when you are asked to explain your plan for your child while you work or if you plan not to work explain how you expect to survive the financial difficulties  of only one income.  Insurance plans, childcare plans, Plans that are sometimes years away from actually needing to be put into place.

However I have experienced the joyous planning too. Preparing his bedroom has been so amazingly exciting and fun. Imaging leaving work each day and heading to the babysitters to see my little man. yes, planning also has its fun moments.

Dont forget the money. Oh just $23,000 !! I have cried, I have prayed, I have begged. Believe it or not I do have my pride, but that all went out the window when I was trying to raise the money for our adoption. I fought for every penny. I struggled for each dime. I begged, prayed, pleaded.

So yes adoption is war. It is a fight, it is a struggle, It is so so painful. However because of this fight, this painful struggle there is this beautiful little boy. There is this unconditional love even though I have never held him in my arms. This war I have been fighting is for him, and when we finally see that sweet little face and realize its all for that moment, things no longer matter like the paperwork  you tell yourself that it wasnt that bad. That exhaustion you convince yourself you werent so tired really.  The planning that was so stressful you dont remember it being that big a deal. The waiting was just part of it but it wasnt so bad. The money, well you'd beg for it all again. The tears, the sadness, the heartbreak, the pain you forget all of it, and your filled with one feeling and you want to shout it to the world.....Adoption is so worth it!!  He is so worth it.

Dont rush us.....

I have had alot of people ask if Connor is still in diapers the answer is yes. Keep in mind that even though Connor is three he is on a 9-10 month old level so he is not ready to be potty trained. Only time will tell when he will be ready and that's ok. His life is going to completely change when we bring him home. 12 hour time difference, new smells, new sights trying to potty train to fast will only cause him to become upset and more confused. We will potty train eventually but don't rush us. 




"A negative society will affect my quality of life far more than Down Syndrome ever will"    --Unknown

I feel guilty.....

  When I use to babysit full time I saw it, I saw moms dropping off babies they didnt wanna leave. I saw them pry little hands off their legs and quickly slip out the door and  oh the tears that fell from tiny eyes and those Mamas tears when she was in the car alone. It all  made me so sad. I saw them linger until the very last moment before they literally had to leave to avoid being late for work. I  saw them give kisses and hugs and say their see ya laters. I got it, except I didnt get it at all.....

   Connor has never even been in my arms and yet the thought of leaving him for 8 hours a day 5 days a week is unbearable. I literally have anxiety when I think about it. When we planned our day out for our adoption we had a sitter lined up and all was well, however now that its getting closer to time to actually bring my little guy home I feel distraught. And I get it. I feel the despair of prying those little arms off your leg and feeling so so guilty that you have to work. I know I too will linger until the last possible moment avoiding those see ya laters.

I feel guilty that I have to work.

In a perfect world all Mamas would be able to stay home with their babies ( if they wanted to). There would be no prying tiny arms from Mamas legs, or tear filled see ya laters. Unfortunately thats not the world we live in and for those Mamas who have to work, your not alone.  And as hard as it is to leave your tiny love , it makes those squeals and smiles because your back so much more sweet after a long day. It makes those saturday morning cuddles so much more meaningful.  Your child wont think your terrible when they look back and see you had to work, but will remember how you provided and did the best you could. They will be thankful for a Mama who was willing to work.

I worry and agonize and try to find a way that I can stay home with Connor. Maybe some how someway it will work out, but if it dont I take comfort in knowing im not alone. Ill know that I did my best and worked hard to provide for my child. I dont have to feel guilty that I have to work.

He made me grow up

Dear Connor Malone.....You made me grow up.


I think about this all the time and I cannot even begin to tell you the way a tiny 22 pound toddler has changed my life and I have yet to meet him in person. Even though he is not here yet every decision I make I have him in the back of my mind. Will this benefit him??Does this affect him??  And thats just decisions that have nothing to do with him, imagine all the ones that do!! Childcare? School? therapy? Whos the best? Where is the best? When should he start? You have no idea the tailspin my mind is constantly in. And its all because I want the absolute best for him. Its because my unconditional love for a baby I have yet to hold in my arms. Isn't our God amazing?! That He can place a longing in our hearts and soon we realize we have been called to do something ( in our case adopt). Then the search begins for our baby and He leads us to the agency then to the Country then the next thing you know your staring at his picture and you just know its him. Its the one your heart is longing for. I feel incredibly grateful that the maker of the universe is entrusting us with this tiny soul.
And oh I cannot even count the ways that God has used this journey to change me, but I can say I am not the same woman who started this journey. I am a better wife, daughter, friend, and woman than I was 18 months ago when we began this journey, and I am almost certain that I am a better mother than I would have been.

I care about someone else way more than myself. Its about his needs first. I feel honored to be Connor Malones mother and I am thankful that He made me grow up.

He led us.....

 Lets just address the elephant in the room.....Why oh why did we adopt internationally??   Why would we choose a child with special needs??  Why choose a toddler? Didnt we want a baby??

Trust me I have heard it all to my face, behind my back, to my family, you name it.

The truth is I too always envisioned this tiny baby with my eyes and jeremys wild hair. However life rarely goes as we plan and although I never felt my son kick my insides or cause me to be sick in the morning, he is still just as much my son.

I dont want to be one of those lovey dovey foofy foo people, but I can say in all honesty when I saw a photo of my son I wept. I cannot explain to you the emotions I felt, but I can say I knew he was mine. I can say I knew I loved him. I had no doubts.

I never once looked into his dark brown eyes and thought "oh but their  not blue like mine". I never once looked at the hair spilling past his tiny ears and thought " oh man I wish he had our curly hair"   I  never once wished he looked like us. I never once wanted to change those tiny Down syndrome features I saw peaking back at me. I never once wanted him to be any different. From that first glance I was amazed at who He was and all I wanted was to have him in my life forever, to have him as my son.

We chose to follow God in April 2014 on a journey to grow our family through adoption. We followed Him to international adoption, even though not everyone agreed. We followed Him to a special needs only program, even though we were afraid even though we felt completely unready. We followed him to a toddler and not a newborn baby. We followed HIM and you know where He led us. He led us to a beautiful baby who was waiting for a family to love him unconditionally . He led us to a diagnosis we said no to in the beginning and He assured us that He doesnt call the equipped, but He does equip the called. He  showed us that we only needed to keep our eyes on Him and not focus on what others opinions are even if they are family members whom we love very much. He taught us that sometimes our journey is not the easy one or the one most often walked, but He walked along with us each step of the way. We kept our eyes on Him and He led the way and whether everyone agreed or understood we continued to press forward and believe Gods promises, and He led us, He led us directly to our son.

Our little love turns three!

Hello Little Love!!

           Today you turn three!!!! Its hard to believe that three years ago was just another day yet across the world you were drawing your first breath!  Our God is truly amazing and we are so thankful that although we aren't celebrating with you today, that you are celebrating with a foster family who loves you very much. Today I rejoice in knowing this is our last birthday apart and yet my heart breaks that this will be your last birthday with the first family you ever knew. Whether there was balloons, cake, and presents or if it was just a normal day of playing I hope that it was a good day. I hope that it was filled with memories that you may never remember, but memories they will never forget.


 Know that no matter what your day held we hope it was filled with your happiness and that you felt lots of love and know that far far away our family celebrated the gift of you!!

I am breathless....

  Tomorrow my little love turns three!!! My heart literally aches to know all the milestones I have missed in these first three years of his life. Tomorrow I could focus on that. I could wallow in self pity all day and that would be understandable. However because of Gods amazing plan to grow our family through international adoption I rejoice because I have this little guys future. So instead of being sad I will choose to be happy and know that next year I will celebrate with Connor.  I will smile because its my sons third birthday and yet a year ago I didnt know him. That is the power of adoption. The wonder and awe of it all. This is the awesomeness of a God who keeps his promises. It may not be when or how you think but it will be better than your wildest dreams. It will leave you breathless, today I am breathless... I have a son and He is turning three, God turned my ashes into beauty.

I almost missed out on my son....

     I  was almost robbed  of a MAJOR blessing....Ever had a case of the I cants?? If you said no then you just lied because we all have. I cant do this and I cant do that. When I think back on our adoption journey I am humbled and blown away at how I have grown in my walk with Christ. I have no doubt He has used this experience to change me. If you havent read my post about God moving our hearts toward Hong Kong then click here and even then we were holding onto the fear and I cants, but our hearts changed more and more click here to read all about it. In the beginning we filled out what we were open to as far as needs and diagnosis and all I can do is look back at that first form and shake my head. Oh how we had little faith in ourselves. We convinced ourselves we couldnt handle almost every need on the list. Looking back I have no doubt it was all the devil trying to destroy Gods plan. However we got on our knees and cried out to God to show us how He wanted us to fill out the form and oh how things began to change in our hearts.

            You may have read about our sweet boy, (click here to read), the reason I had looked at his picture and it had never clicked that He was my child was because we werent open to his diagnosis.
Oh how the devil smiled when we marked no next to Down syndrome, he thought he had won. Im glad that God spoke to me one sunday during  worship at church, He used a song we had sang tons of times, but that day I really heard it.

 As I sang these words He spoke to me, I had been struggling for weeks and I knew deep down that I was meant to be a mother to a child I felt unready for, I was meant for a journey I thought I couldnt handle or wouldnt be good at. I knew that "walking upon the waters wherever you would call me" meant saying yes to a child I had already made up my mind and said no to. Thats why I had looked at his picture and prayed he would find a family who would love him unconditionally and all along God knew we were that family, but He couldnt make us see. It scares me to think that I was almost robbed of one of the biggest blessings of my life because of fear and I cants. I almost didnt know the joy of motherhood because I wouldnt "trust without borders".

I almost missed out on my son.


Are you letting the I cants and fear rob you of a blessing God has for you?? Walk upon the waters where God is leading you today. Dont waste another minute letting the devil win. Dont be robbed of what could possibly be one of the greatest blessings God has for you.

Connors real Mother

I know everyone has questions about Connors real mother so here is what I know about her....

She is not perfect, she has a past she is not proud of, but she has a King who has wiped her slate clean,

She loves her family and friends and She is head over heels in love with her son.

She wants nothing but the best for him and would give him the world if she could afford it.

She is kind and tries to see the good in everyone.

She makes mistakes and tries to recognize that others make mistakes too so she strives to forgive others, however it is a struggle for her.

She  is married and has a happy marriage. Her husband is everything to her.

She believes in the power of prayer and knows her son is a blessing. 

She is told she has alot of strength although she cant see it.

She works daily to provide for her family.

She is passionate, caring, and strives to be approachable to those around her.

She never dreamed she would have a child with Down syndrome but she is so grateful for the gift she has been given.

She is so many things rolled into one.

 She is me.....

I am Connors real mother.

I needed to know him.....

 I read an article by Sandra Bullock this week about being a adoptive mom and about her son. Who knew words from a famous mother would touch my heart and ring so true in my life.

"I needed to know HIM. I needed to be HIS mother." 

Oh how true those words are for me. When I started this adoption journey I knew God knew our child.He had a specific child for us. It wasn't some luck of the draw thing. It was about this one certain child. Of course the hard part was finding that child. The more we grew in our faith and the more we put our trust in God , the more He revealed to us. Until boom one day were looking at a picture that in our eyes was the most beautiful baby in the world. Everything else faded away, Other peoples opinions. how hard the future may be, finances, none of it mattered anymore. Because He was ours and we needed to know him. We needed to be his parents. It wasn't about a child anymore it was about him. 

So many have told us how lucky our son will be, but I  feel certain its the other way around.

Im not sure Connor will ever know what we went through to find him, the struggle of paperwork to bring him home  or the  finances involved, the emotional roller coaster  we rode,  or the constant questions we were asked. He may never comprehend any of it, and thats ok. If he understands nothing else I want him to know that he is loved. I want him to know it didnt begin with us. I want him to know he was loved by his biological mother with a love so strong that she made the hardest decision of her life and showed the most selfless love when she realized someone else could give him a brighter future. I want him to know He had an amazing foster family who cared for him long before we knew him. I want him to know his story is not a tragedy, but a love story from start to finish. I want him to know that I cried out for 7 years  for God to send us a family and unknown to me I was crying out for him all that time. I want him to know that we needed to know him.  I want him to know He is greater than I could have ever imagined, He is more than I ever thought I deserved, and that His Daddy and I are certainly the lucky ones.

You can read Sandra's words below

"I’m tired of hearing from everyone that he is not my child, that he is not my blood. That I am a so called "Adoptive Mother”. 
I am a Mother. I need no other label or prefix.
I know I’ve adopted him and I am proud of it. He may not have my eyes, he may not have my smile, he may not have my skin tone, but he has all my heart.A mother is a person who raises, loves and provides for the child. It doesn’t matter if you share the same blood or not.
I hold my son in my arms and thank God for bringing him to me. If the standard route for creating a family had worked for me, I wouldn't have met this child. I needed to know him. I needed to be his mother. I know now why all those events happened. Or didn't happen. So I could meet this little boy. He is, in every way, my son.
I enjoy Motherhood now. If all of a sudden someone said, ‘You have five more kids,’ I’d be totally OK with it.
So guys Share this if you love your Children who are very lucky to have you and to have a beautiful home. Lets hope that Everybody reads this especially those who consider adoption as a taboo and are against it. It’s perfectly fine to adopt. It is a gift of Life. The desire of your heart can give a child a home."                        -Sandra Bullock

Gift of God....

 Every couple talks about baby names, I am almost certain that even folks who dont really want kids do this. Its crazy how life changes things. The names we loved most are names we never even considered when it was actually time to pick a name.

        We chose Connor very early in our adoption journey ( once we knew God was calling us to adopt a boy.) However we kept his name a secret just between the two of us for almost 6 months!!! I must say it was so much fun having a secret just between the two of us. We called him Baby C for so long, we chose to reveal his name in November (2014) as everyone was doing the I'm thankful for status on facebook, I posted four words that made him Baby C no more ......

And so the world knew that we would name our first son Connor. We wanted to wait and keep his name as his middle name. So we waited to be matched with a baby most of you know how our story goes ( You can click here to read it.) When we first saw our son on the waiting list his name was Thaddeus. We called him Thaddeus to one another until God revealed he was our Connor :). We considered keeping Thaddeus as Connors middle name until we realized it was just a alias they use ( they obviously cant use the childs actual name on the waiting list. So when we were told Connors birth given name we decided to keep it. However months later we found out He had never been called that name either and im almost certain we were pronouncing it wrong anyway. We were discouraged because we wanted his middle name to be extra special for him. The name Thaddeus was special to us because thats who he was to us for so long until we knew He was ours. 

One night after finding out that He had never been called his birth given name I began searching name meanings. I searched Thaddeus and was blown away...... gift of God were the words that popped up and we instantly knew that Thaddeus was our sons middle name. 

 Crazy thing is now when i goggle the name meaning all I can find are heart or courageous heart, never again have I found those three special words, but I know thats what his name will forever mean to us.

Connor Thaddeus Malone , my gift from God.

Adoption Timeline :)

• April 3, 2014 Submitted Preliminary Application.
• April 6, 2014 Submitted formal Application
• April 7, 2014 Announced on facebook so that friends and family could cover us in prayer.
• April 10, 2014  Talked to  International Intake  Coordinator about our Country options.
• April 17, 2014 Got the call our Formal Application had been approved.
• April 17, 2014 Attended information meeting at Agency. Received homestudy paperwork.
• April 28, 2014 Couples interview for home study.
• May 6, 2014  Picked Hong Kong after God revealed to us that is where our child is.
• May 12, 2014 individual interviews for home study.
• June 5, 2014 Revealed our babys name will start with a C, Began calling him Baby C.
• July 1, 2014   Stephanie has completed 20 of 30 required training hours. Jeremy has completed 10 of 30 required training hours.
• July 10, 2014 Home visit for the home study. 
• October 7, 2014  Asked for more information regarding a little boy we found on waiting list. ( We will call him Kevin ( not really his name)). Received all info for Kevin that same day.
• October 9, 2014 Home Study Approval!
• October 16, 2014 Received more information about Kevin and were asked if we would like to move forward, another family is also moving forward. We let our social worker know we would like to move forward in pursuing Kevin.
• October 20, 2014 Follow Up questions from Kevins case worker. Answered questions and sent them back.
• October 21, 2014 More follow up questions. We answered and sent back.
• October 23, 2014 Received USCIS paperwork to began working on. ( I800A)
• November 15, 2014 Revealed Baby Cs name will be Connor! 
• November 17, 2014 ISS ( Kevins Caseworker) Let us know that we would receive a answer by the first week of December.
• November 20, 2014 Received the news that Hong Kong had chosen the other family for Kevin. ( Heart broken :( but trusting God.)
• December 8, 2015 Fingerprints in Atlanta for Immigration paperwork.
• December 15, 2014 Our case worker let us know they had received info about a one year old boy  with Down syndrome who was waiting and asked if we would be interested. We said yes! 
• December 16, 2014 We let our case worker know we had received the information and would be  review and pray over it. 
• December 16, 2014 Our Case worker let us know about a little  2 year old boy with Down syndrome who had been waiting over a year already, she asked if we would like to see his Child Study ( information about the child).
• December 16, 2014 We said yes we would look over his file as well.
• December 29, 2014 Started gathering documents needed for Dossier. Praying like crazy over both boys and for God to reveal if one of them was our boy.
• January 11, 2015 Let our caseworker know we would like to pursue one of the boys ( the two year old). ( Lets call him Ty)
• January 12, 2015 Our request was sent to ISS in Hong Kong.
• January 13, 2015 Ty was put on "Hold" for our family. Meaning no one could adopt him internationally but he could be adopted domestically.  
• January 19, 2015 Dossier almost finished!
• January 26, 2015 Dossier mailed to our case worker!!
• February  2, 2015 fixed a few mistakes on our Dossier.
• February 3, 2015 Dossier officially finished.
• February 4, 2015 Dossier sent to Hong Kong!!!!!
• March 28, 2015  Stephanie Completed all 30 training hours needed.
• April 2, 2015 Received questions for the AU (Adoption Unit in Hong Kong)
• April 5, 2015 Sent our  answers to questions.
• April 8, 2014 Follow up Question from AU. Answered and sent back.
• April 20, 2015 More questions from AU. 
• April 22, 2015 Answered and sent back.
• May 13, 2015 Jeremy completed all 30 training hours needed.
• May 26, 2015 Received $5000 Show Hope grant!!!
• July 1, 2015 ISS apologizes for the delay and says MA (matching approval) should come soon.
• July 21, 2015 MA!!!! Officially matched!!!!!!!! Ty is our son! Ty is Connor!!!!1
• July 22, 2015 began working on I800 paperwork ( petition to claim Connor as immediate relative.)
• July 29, 2015 Asked ISS a few questions about Connor development and asked for updated pictures.
• July 30, 2015 Received Connors birth certificate!!! 
• August 3, 2015 Sent I800 to USCIS
• August 5, 2015 Sent Connors 1st package to Our case worker.
• August 6, 2015 Received updated pictures!!!
• August 10, 2015 I800 application forwarded to Hague Adoption Unit.
• August 21, 2015 Answers to Questions about Connor.
• August 21, 2015 USCIS provisionally approved our I800.
• August 24, 2015 National Visa Center approved paperwork  and sent case number and invoice id number then sent to Hong Kong.
• September 8, 2015  Approved I800 arrives in Hong Kong. Show Hope and Lifesong adoption grant money arrives  totaling $11,000!
• September 15, 2015 Waiting on Connors passport before we can move onto Article 5, estimated to arrive in 3 weeks.
• September 17, 2015 Happy Third Birthday Connor!! Connor received his video, book, and toys from us sometime this week.
• October 19, 2015 Received photos of Connor looking at his book introducing him to our family and playing with the toys we sent. His passport his been received and ISS is working on article 5, should hear confirmation we have it soon.
•  October 26, 2015 Article 5 is issued! Officially waiting for HCO ( wait time 8-10 weeks). Received updated child study.
• December 8, 2015   Received update about Connor. Were told that HCO was anticipated soon. Told to look at traveling the week of January 11th and to begin looking at plane tickets,
• December 28, 2015  HCO is issued. Travel Dates confirmed. (Connors Visa interview scheduled for dec.30th.)
• January 6, 2016  Received a tentative schedule for our time in Hong Kong.
• January 8, 2016 Leave to fly to Hong Kong.
• January 11, 2016 We meet Connor!!!
• January 11-13, 2016 Spent our days with Connor at Orphanage.
• January 13, 2016 Signed paperwork releasing Connor into our care,
• January 14, 2016 Connor leaves Orphanage, returns to hotel with us.
• January 16, 2016  WELCOME HOME SWEET BOY!!
• February 1, 2016 First home visit with social worker.
• February 19, 2016 Sent all legal documents ( we recieved in HK) to agency 
• March 21, 2016 Second home visit with social worker.
• May 11, 2016 Began working on paperwork to update home study for finalization.
• May 16, 2016 All paperwork for update sent to social worker.
• May 27, 2016 Home Study updated.

There is HOPE....

This is to you....Maybe your a newlywed or maybe you have been  married for years. Maybe its been a horrendous few years or only a couple months. You feel lost, overwhelmed, frustrated, and angry. The one thing you want so so so badly is just not happening for you and your lost in a sea of hopelessness and rage. Maybe your battling this silently or maybe your whole family and church knows. You've tried all the old wives tales and nothing has worked. You have prayed and prayed and to be honest your wondering if God is either not listening or somehow punishing you for some past mistake. Your biggest fear is you sometimes think maybe its not meant to be....like ever and that scares you the most. You know that stress doesnt help so your stressed about trying to not stress and you worry and agonized. You beat yourself up constantly. You wonder why your body has failed you. You see other people have no problems or even take the blessing for granted and it gives you a sick feeling in your stomach. Ever month you wonder if this is your month and your convinced you have several symptoms. You have taken more test than you will ever admit and each said the same thing. You threw them away and convinced yourself that you were ok but you cried...hard. Every month you mourn as if you have lost someone and yet what hurts the most is knowing you never had anyone to begin with. 

This letter is to tell you there is hope. The only reason I know is because ive been there. All the above describes me. Most everyone know my story ends with an amazing story of adoption , but before you stop reading let me say I am not here to push adoption on anyone. I am here only  to say there is hope. I cant lie, your story may end in pregnancy and it may not. I have countless friends who have been in this same boat and  I have seen God work amazing miracles, but not all of them  were waddling around with there own little baby bump. Although many were :) I have seen pregnancies, I have seen adoption, I have seen God transform lives. My plea for you today is to lay it all at Gods feet. Dont lay it down and then go back and scoop it all back up later. Im talking totally surrender this burden to Him, trust Him to give you a family in His time and His way. I promise you that regardless whether He gives you a child or not He will change you. He will use you and only He can bring you out of this pit your in and give you victory even if its with empty arms. Our God is that mighty and He is that powerful so lay everything at His feet today.....One thing you will never do is regret it.

Dear Sweet boy

    Dear Sweet boy,
             Mama is dealing with so many unknowns right now that its making her crazy!!! How long will I take off work?? What will my schedule by like once your home?? What days will you have therapy?? I could go on and on and those are only work related worries. I have thirty million other worries, but in the midst of this chaos, worry, and stress there is excitement brewing and I am overwhelm that there is you. There is a Connor Thaddeous Malone and that is you.  You are my little boy. You are  the child I have prayed for, for 7 years. You are what gets Mama through the hard days already even though your half a world away. Your not a reflection of me and yet your my son. The thought that in 5 months I will see your little face in person, we will finally have our first hug and although right now it doesnt seem possible I will fall deeper in love with you. Others wont understand our journey and thats ok but Mama knows that our family is not by chance. Our family was always Gods plan. Long before He created the universe He saw us and He saw you and He had a brilliant plan. We have dreamed of you for so long and yet when we saw your picture we were overwhelmed because you were more perfect than we ever had planned. Those dark brown eyes begged me to love them and I promise I will for the rest of my life. You are a gift from God just like your name says. You are mine and I am yours and you make all the stress and worry disappear. I cannot wait to whisper I love you in your ear and feel the weight of your body in my arms. I cannot wait until their are no more miles in between us. I cannot wait for you and yet I would wait forever for you. You are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined and I cannot wait to show you off to the rest of the world. Hurry home.

Mama

The special necklace....

   I wanted to get my Mamaw something different for Christmas. I decided to get her a grandmothers necklace but for the great grandkids. So to Etsy I went to customize the perfect necklace. I found one I liked but I needed a birthstone for Connor. We hadn't been matched with and weren't even pursuing a certain child so I chose to pick between December or September birthstone since they are blue and one thing I knew for sure is we were adopting a boy.  I went back and forth for awhile but I ended up going with September just because it's a darker blue.
I love how God works things out.....Connors birthday is September 17th.

 The necklace turned out to be more special than anyone could have ever dreamed. 

Much more meaningful years later...

    When Jeremys parents went to China several years ago on a business trip. They brought us back pictures with our names in Chinese.

  We loved them, but had no idea how much more special they would be to us years later! Recently they surprised us with another name in Chinese.....

  We love it and are so thankful God is allowing us to have the family we have prayer so long for through the beauty of adoption.

Show Hope, Support Adoption

     When your adopting having support is so IMPORTANT!! Jeremy and I have been EXTREMELY BLESSED with family and friends who are so incredibly supportive!!! We know that others dont have this so we try ourselves to be there for them. I was very fortunate to find a support group on facebook of other adoptive parents who adopted, or are adopting from Hong Kong. It has been amazing and helped me so much. To be able to talk to those who truly understand the mountain of paperwork you feel literally buried under, the stress and at times frustration, and the true emotion of the joy you feel when you reach each milestone even if its the tiny ones and not the major ones.

Now those mountains of paperwork are behind us and we are in the home stretch and nearing the moment when our arms can finally wrap around our baby. Im sure I dont need to say that we can hardly wait!!!

We know that this journey would have been very different had we not had the support and love from friends and from the bottom of our hearts we want to thank you!!! Your support has not only helped us financially, but emotionally.  This journey has not always been easy, but when we look at our sons picture  we know without a doubt it has been completely worth it.

We had so many who saw our shirts and said they would like to have one that we are selling them again!!
Click here to order your shirt today.  All money raised will go towards our travel to Hong Kong!!!!

Im ready....

We received new photos of Connor this week. I cannot explain to you what I felt when I opened the file and looked into those beautiful brown eyes. I studied his little face and fell deeper in love than before. I examined his features and obviously I saw the traits, but none of that matter because I saw Him. Obviously seeing him means seeing traces of Down syndrome, and I dont wanna change that. Because thats my Connor, however  he is so much more than that . I pray daily that God will make him the man He wants him to be. Not what we want, but what He wants. No  matter how hard the road ahead will be that is my prayer.

Connor is fearfully and wonderfully made and God has a plan for his future. I dont know what that plan looks like, but I know regardless He will touch lives. He has already changed mine.


When I looked into those deep brown eyes, I felt love. I instantly wanted to protect him, My arms ached to hold him and kiss his sweet face. I became ready. I instantly forgot that I dont know what im doing, or what our future will look like. I forgot that I dont know very much about him or his likes and dislikes. I fell so deep in love that all the fear washed away, and  Im ready to be his mother.

Three Words

   Next two steps complete!!!

We sent our I-800 to the USCIS ( United States Citizenship  and Immigration services). It should have arrived yesterday!!! Please pray that it is approved and can be sent onto Hong Kong and approved there too. We also sent Connors first care package!!!! EEEEKKKK im really really excited about this. We were required to make a photobook of our family and  video introducing ourselves and showing Connor his room. We kept our photo book very simple since Connor is so young. In our video we showed Connor his room bed, toys, clothes the whole nine yards. Jeremy played my great grandpas guitar and we sang Deep and Wide ( with hand motions), Old Macdonald, and You are My Sunshine. We sent toys along also, today that package is on its way and I am so excited and cannot wait for him to get his things and catch a tiny glimpse of who we are, and how much we love him!!! Although I doubt He will understand any of it, I know He will love the toys!!! haha.

Now that we are caught up the next step is to wait. I know this sounds horrible and it is hard at times however his journey so far has been rush rush rush , finish this , fill out that, and now its all done and I cant even believe it!!

I cant even tell you all the ways Gods fingerprints have been on this journey from day one, I cant explain to you how he has carried us through, and I myself cannot grasp the ways he has worked miracle over and over.

Jeremy and I finally have the family we have prayed so long for and only three words can do justice and explain our adoption journey......

GOD is FAITHFUL!!!!