March 18th, 2015

Every day is not a good day,
 but there is something good in every day.

There are a thousand reasons I want to forget March 18, 2015. There are moments of that day that are sketched in my mind so vividly and I just cant erase them no matter how hard I try.  

I can replay word for word the phone call I received.

I can tell you where I was,what I was doing, and who I was with.

After the phone call all I have are jumbled up here and there memories of what I said and did as panic sunk deeper and deeper into my body.

I can see in my mind each family members face as I walked into the waiting room. 

I remember all the bad, down to every tiny detail.

However I am choosing to find something good about March 18, 2015.

Its hard to find the good, but if we take a deeper look its there.

Maybe its hearing her voice and having a conversation with her.

Maybe its being surrounded by people who all love her as much as we do.

Maybe its the laughter and stories we shared in the waiting room as we nervously talked about anything but what was actually happening.
Maybe its family and how we piled together in cars and took off. How we had each others back and seeing how much we all care deeply for her.
Maybe its knowing how even the slightest difference in where and how things happened could have changed the outcome drastically.
Maybe its knowing those who didnt have to help or be there but stepped in and did what needed to be done.
Maybe its the calm that fell over us as we saw with our own eyes and heard her words flow clearly with our own ears.

Maybe its all these things but the good I choose to find in March 18th 2015 is  That Mamaws still here.

Things may be different, She may not be as independent as before but her heart still beats and that is the good I find in March 18th 2015.