All things for my good

Today was a special day as two of our friends from Montana got married!!! My heart has broken all day as I wanted to be there so badly!!! I even looked at plane tickets months ago but knew there was no way we could swing the price. We lived in Montana for two years and had the most incredible life there and my heart aches to go visit and introduce them all to Connor. So today I have thought alot about our lives there and I have thought alot about how and why we moved back home. So here is a glimpse into our journey. 

    When we felt God calling us to move to Montana to work in full time ministry. We were scared to death. Jeremy had a good job and I was able to stay home since we wanted to start a family. When God made his plans crystal clear we made preparations to follow Him. Saying we were scared to death was a understatement, but we knew we had to go. We longed for Montana even though we had never been there. God places a ache for it in our hearts that nothing could quench. After we announced our news to everyone and begin the planning the devil went into overtime trying to tear things apart. He even attacked our marriage and tried his best to divide us so that we would not go.  We clung to God and pressed forward. I begin having panic attacks anytime I was alone and we were just having a super hard time with everything and I cannot tell you how many tears I shed or how many times I said " I cant do this, im  not going." . However our faith though shaken did not wavier. Thanks to lots of prayers and support from friends and family. We moved to Montana in July 2011.  

   I cannot tell you how God changed our lives there. We had a incredible life in Montana and we were so happy. I could never explain to you how quickly our hearts changed although we missed our family and friends we knew without a doubt we were where we were suppose to be. We spent two years in Montana when out of no where we felt God calling us home. We  should have been overjoyed to again be living close to our friends and family, but we were heart broken. We had built a life we loved and I did not wanna move home.  However we knew just as we had before that we had to follow Christ.  The preparations began and we moved home in July 2013. Most friends and family suspected that I was pregnant ( obviously I wasn't) or that we were moving home to start a family. Neither was true. We had no idea why God was calling us home which made it so much harder. Leaving Montana was the hardest thing I have ever done especially when we had no clear directions on what was coming next. 

When we arrived home we felt like strangers. In our minds everything would be the same, but life had went on the two years we had been gone and nothing felt the same. I spent alot of time depressed. I didnt know what I was suppose to be doing. We felt God calling us to join in planting a church in sweetwater ( The Fellowship Church). We knew we were doing what we were suppose to be doing without a doubt and yet still I was depressed and just didnt feel like I was doing what I was meant to do. Within a few months Jeremy found a job, I was babysitting, and we found a house to rent. God was working everything out and yet something didnt feel quite right. We prayed and continued to seek Gods direction . I was happy babysitting and yet out of no where I felt God telling me I should get a job outside our home. I was sad but Could not shake the feeling that it was Gods will for me. I found a job and began working and although that helped  me stay busy and occupied still I knew something wasnt right, I knew something was missing. 

Thats when God cried out that it was time to start our family and adoption was His plan. It was scary and yet  exhilarating all at once. I finally felt like our lives were coming together. I finally realized that everyone had been right we did move home to start a family  ( although we had no idea at the time.)  We prayed and  continued seeking Gods will and our adoption Journey began. 

And alot of things began to click and I realized what God had been up to all along. When we lived in Montana we were soley in full time ministry meaning we lived off what others gave. More than likely adopting would be difficult due to having a explain where our income would come from and having to show proof that it would be consistent each month.  Also there was the problem of no insurance. We had to show proof that our adopted child would be covered from day one. Our income was not enough with me babysitting. 

Not long after starting the adoption Journey I started a new job at Tri County Center. Tri County Center is a non-profit agency providing a variety of services to individuals with developmental disabilities. I loved my new job and finally felt like I was where I was suppose to be. WE pressed forward on our adoption journey and we found our baby. He happened to have Down Syndrome and i was in awe that God had placed me exactly where I needed to be long before I knew why. I never dreamed when I started my job that my child would have a developmental disability.  God worked everything out perfectly!!

 Connor has been home 18 months now and its amazing to see how God made all the pieces fit. Long before we knew He was working all things out for the things to come in our life. 

The moral of my story is following God when we dont see the whole staircase is scary. Its so difficult to take that first step, but trust me your gonna wanna do it. Because when you see that whole picture everything is gonna make sense and you'll be overwhelmed at what awaits you at the top of that staircase and your gonna be so glad you clung to Jesus and took that first step.  Everything will make sense and you will realize exactly where your suppose to be. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28