Have you ever felt the need to speak up, but then you experience this overwhelming fear....What if I say it wrong??
This is me all too often. Dont get me wrong there are times that being silent is best, but what if our story needs told. What if someone would benefit from our experience. What if not speaking up is more wrong than the fear of saying it wrong.
Its time....Time to speak.
The first week of December we had a Hanging of the Green service at church. During one point in the service we were asked to come forward and say what we were thankful for and then hang a ornament on the Christmas tree. Many people spoke, but guess who didnt. Yep, me. And its not because I didnt have thoughts of what to say perfectly planned out in my mind, but fear won. Why because I knew I would cry and no one would probably understand me. What if someone had needed to hear my words that day. Heres what I believe I was suppose to say.
"I know that most of you know my papaw is in hospice care. I wont say that my family isnt in denial in alot of ways, but one thing we do know is that this is papaws last Christmas with us. So this year im thankful for so many things, but the one reoccurring the most is this. Im thankful that to be absent from the body is to be present with The Lord. Im thankful that theres no Parkisons disease in Heaven, and that Papaw will soon walk beside his King."
I recently attended a birthday party and was approached by a little girl. She pointed towards Connor and said whose he here with. I told her he was with me. And she said are you his mama. I said yes I am. She then proudly stated he goes to my school. She then asked how old he was and when I said six. She loudly exclaimed HES SIX YEARS OLD?! Hes so tiny!! I smiled and said yep hes a little guy. She then said I'm six too. Im mind blown! I cant believe hes six Hes so tiny. Whys he so little?? I smiled and said hes just small.
I wish I had used that moment to tell her that He has Down Syndrome. That makes him a little different. That were all a little different and thats what makes us all so special. I should have used that moment, but I didnt and I think about it alot. I missed a good opportunity.
When we were at Connors Orphanage in Hong Kong we sat in the middle with everyone circled around us and they asked us if we had anything to say. I had so much to say, but the words wouldnt come. I deeply regret that. Jeremy spoke though while I sobbed.
I wish so badly that I could go back in time because I would say " Thank you! For taking such good care of him. For being his voice. For the hospital stays and doctor appointments. For all your time and efforts to give him a good life. For making him so happy. For loving him before we could."
I have so many more stories like these. Times I kept silent when I had so much to say. So I urge you to speak when you feel led to. Dont worry about crying or the words coming out wrong. Because somethings need said.
This is me all too often. Dont get me wrong there are times that being silent is best, but what if our story needs told. What if someone would benefit from our experience. What if not speaking up is more wrong than the fear of saying it wrong.
Its time....Time to speak.
The first week of December we had a Hanging of the Green service at church. During one point in the service we were asked to come forward and say what we were thankful for and then hang a ornament on the Christmas tree. Many people spoke, but guess who didnt. Yep, me. And its not because I didnt have thoughts of what to say perfectly planned out in my mind, but fear won. Why because I knew I would cry and no one would probably understand me. What if someone had needed to hear my words that day. Heres what I believe I was suppose to say.
"I know that most of you know my papaw is in hospice care. I wont say that my family isnt in denial in alot of ways, but one thing we do know is that this is papaws last Christmas with us. So this year im thankful for so many things, but the one reoccurring the most is this. Im thankful that to be absent from the body is to be present with The Lord. Im thankful that theres no Parkisons disease in Heaven, and that Papaw will soon walk beside his King."
I recently attended a birthday party and was approached by a little girl. She pointed towards Connor and said whose he here with. I told her he was with me. And she said are you his mama. I said yes I am. She then proudly stated he goes to my school. She then asked how old he was and when I said six. She loudly exclaimed HES SIX YEARS OLD?! Hes so tiny!! I smiled and said yep hes a little guy. She then said I'm six too. Im mind blown! I cant believe hes six Hes so tiny. Whys he so little?? I smiled and said hes just small.
I wish I had used that moment to tell her that He has Down Syndrome. That makes him a little different. That were all a little different and thats what makes us all so special. I should have used that moment, but I didnt and I think about it alot. I missed a good opportunity.
When we were at Connors Orphanage in Hong Kong we sat in the middle with everyone circled around us and they asked us if we had anything to say. I had so much to say, but the words wouldnt come. I deeply regret that. Jeremy spoke though while I sobbed.
I wish so badly that I could go back in time because I would say " Thank you! For taking such good care of him. For being his voice. For the hospital stays and doctor appointments. For all your time and efforts to give him a good life. For making him so happy. For loving him before we could."
I have so many more stories like these. Times I kept silent when I had so much to say. So I urge you to speak when you feel led to. Dont worry about crying or the words coming out wrong. Because somethings need said.
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