Six years ago Jeremy and I submitted our first step in the adoption process. We were excited and we were scared. For me the biggest emotion I remember feeling was relief. I know that's odd with the long, tough journey that laid ahead of us. I think it was a number of reasons I felt this way. We had been begging God for a baby for 6 years at that point. The pain was real and intense, but ya'll have heard that story numerous times. I think the feeling of relief had alot to do with that though, I couldn't conceive, It was out of my control, but with adoption I had control. I wasn't working for nothing, each step led us closer to a child. I think that's a big reason I felt relief even though I knew it wouldn't be easy I could see a light at the end of the tunnel if that makes sense.
Boy did God carry us each step of the way. Our adoption journey was filled with so many mountains, and each time we watched as God moved each one. You wont hear me say it was easy. It was so so hard. And just when we thought we had it all planned out, God threw a curve ball our way when he led us to a special needs orphanage. We felt so unqualified. I guess now you know why one of my favorite quotes is " God doesnt call the qualified, He qualifies the called." Its true. We didn't have a clue what we were doing. EVERYONE thought we were crazy. Although not everyone said this to our face, we know that very little people believed in what we were doing. And isn't that the way it goes, I mean look at Noah. Everyone thought he was mad, crazy, delusional. Until the rain came, Or in our case until Connor came....
After 21 months on one of the hardest journeys of my life, nearly 8 years praying for a child I found myself looking face to face with the most beautiful boy. His dark eyes didnt match our blue, his hair didnt have our curls, and yet he was ours. Suddenly the infertility, the heartache it all made sense when I held him none of it mattered. I was a mom. Something I had wanted since I was a child playing with my babydolls. My arms that ached for 8 years now felt the weight of a son, my son. The red tape, the fundraising, the people who thought we were nuts all but forgotten. Every minute, Every second was for him.
Boy did God carry us each step of the way. Our adoption journey was filled with so many mountains, and each time we watched as God moved each one. You wont hear me say it was easy. It was so so hard. And just when we thought we had it all planned out, God threw a curve ball our way when he led us to a special needs orphanage. We felt so unqualified. I guess now you know why one of my favorite quotes is " God doesnt call the qualified, He qualifies the called." Its true. We didn't have a clue what we were doing. EVERYONE thought we were crazy. Although not everyone said this to our face, we know that very little people believed in what we were doing. And isn't that the way it goes, I mean look at Noah. Everyone thought he was mad, crazy, delusional. Until the rain came, Or in our case until Connor came....
And those two scared unqualified people arent doing so bad.
Yeah we were alot like Noah, not crazy, just trusting God and seeing the bigger picture.
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