I haven't shared a whole lot about our time in Hong Kong, one because I cant share alot of the details online and two and probably the more obvious answer I was a brand new mommy and who has time to blog with a toddler. However I love that I am always upfront and honest here and so I want to go a little deeper into our time in country because it may help another family who thinks they are alone in the many emotions they are feeling. So here goes....
We arrived after 20 hours of travel. We were exhausted and yet we were on an emotional high knowing that after almost two years we were within minutes of our child. When we arrived at the airport all I wanted was to be in my hotel room ( we wouldnt be meeting connor for two more days). To throw down those packed carry ons we had been lugging around all day, put on my pjs, and brush my teeth. However our hotel was about 30 minutes away so we would need to take a taxi, so first stop was to get our money switched over. We hurried through the crowded airport and found our luggage and then headed to the area to exchange our money. The lady at the booth could not understand Jeremy ( our southern draw haha )and on top of that we had no idea how much money to exchange.We had called our bank to let them know we would be in Hong Kong so that our cards would work, but evidently no one did anything because they wouldnt work. Our phones didn't work in Country so we couldn't call anyone for help. It was alot of confusion and since we arrived on saturday we were on our own. I was emotional, I was exhausted, I was afraid and I remember sitting on my luggage as I let the tears roll down my face as Jeremy tried to figure out our money situation. After what felt like an eternity ( im sure because i was so tired) we had our money exchanged and headed outside to the taxi area. There were two different lines and we had no idea which one we needed to be in. There was a man directing people and after we were brushed past by several folks it was our turn. Jeremy showed him our hotel confirmation which had the address on it. He directed us to a taxi and began chatting to the driver. This whole time a million thoughts are racing through my head and what keep coming back over and over was What on earth are we doing?? The driver loaded our bags and we slide inside. I was begging myself the whole way not to cry because I knew if the tears started again they might not stop. I silently began to pray. I told God that I knew He hadnt brought us through this journey to leave us now. I told him I knew this was His plan, but that I was afraid. I told Him I needed Him now. I opened my eyes as I looked out at the buildings as we passed and glanced around the taxi. My eyes stopped at the front of the dashboard and there it was. My sign that God was right there putting all the pieces together. I was still afraid, but the question what on earth are we doing was now answered we were going to get our son. God was right there in those overwhelming moments and he showed me in something as simple as our taxi drivers name. In big letters across the dashboard was our sons last name.
So to new mamas whether giving birth, meeting a birth mom, or in another country minutes away from your baby at last Its ok. Its ok to be afraid and its ok to wonder what are we doing. It isnt weakness and it certainly doesnt mean you love your child any less. Just know that God is with you in those overwhelming moments, He will never leave your side, and everything will be ok.
Two days later we met Connor. I remember walking into that room and locking eyes with this gorgeous boy, with my son. I remember my breath catching in my throat and having to remind myself to breathe and begging myself not to cry, because i knew i wouldnt stop. I remember the moment they placed him in my arms and how amazing it felt when his caregivers said look its mama. I remember the day of Connors goodbye party and how all the workers came, his foster mother was there, and so many others and in that moment I realized my child had been loved everyday of his life. I remember one of the workers asking me how long it took and I barely got out 21 months before I started sobbing and she hugged me and we just held each other for awhile. I remember all the sweet babies that had to be reminded that we were there for Connor and it broke my heart knowing they were wondering when would it be there turn. I remember it all so vividly. It the most emotional time of my life and besides the actual physical pain I imagine it was just like the emotions on the day of your childs birth. The emotions are the same. Somehow although I didnt give birth I still experienced the hormonal changes. It is the strangest thing ever but I experienced it firsthand. My emotions were all out of whack for months, they are just now starting to get back to normal. I said all this to say I remember it all so clearly and in all those emotions I also remember the fear I felt that first day. I want you to know its ok. Its ok to admit I am afraid. There is no shame in it. I was overwhelmingly fearful. It didnt change my mind, It didnt affect my love, it didnt make me less. Sometimes God calls us to do tough things and If you think I was some super woman and you think you could never be as brave as I was or do what I did, just know that I was afraid, but im so thankful I didnt let it stop me.
We arrived after 20 hours of travel. We were exhausted and yet we were on an emotional high knowing that after almost two years we were within minutes of our child. When we arrived at the airport all I wanted was to be in my hotel room ( we wouldnt be meeting connor for two more days). To throw down those packed carry ons we had been lugging around all day, put on my pjs, and brush my teeth. However our hotel was about 30 minutes away so we would need to take a taxi, so first stop was to get our money switched over. We hurried through the crowded airport and found our luggage and then headed to the area to exchange our money. The lady at the booth could not understand Jeremy ( our southern draw haha )and on top of that we had no idea how much money to exchange.We had called our bank to let them know we would be in Hong Kong so that our cards would work, but evidently no one did anything because they wouldnt work. Our phones didn't work in Country so we couldn't call anyone for help. It was alot of confusion and since we arrived on saturday we were on our own. I was emotional, I was exhausted, I was afraid and I remember sitting on my luggage as I let the tears roll down my face as Jeremy tried to figure out our money situation. After what felt like an eternity ( im sure because i was so tired) we had our money exchanged and headed outside to the taxi area. There were two different lines and we had no idea which one we needed to be in. There was a man directing people and after we were brushed past by several folks it was our turn. Jeremy showed him our hotel confirmation which had the address on it. He directed us to a taxi and began chatting to the driver. This whole time a million thoughts are racing through my head and what keep coming back over and over was What on earth are we doing?? The driver loaded our bags and we slide inside. I was begging myself the whole way not to cry because I knew if the tears started again they might not stop. I silently began to pray. I told God that I knew He hadnt brought us through this journey to leave us now. I told him I knew this was His plan, but that I was afraid. I told Him I needed Him now. I opened my eyes as I looked out at the buildings as we passed and glanced around the taxi. My eyes stopped at the front of the dashboard and there it was. My sign that God was right there putting all the pieces together. I was still afraid, but the question what on earth are we doing was now answered we were going to get our son. God was right there in those overwhelming moments and he showed me in something as simple as our taxi drivers name. In big letters across the dashboard was our sons last name.
So to new mamas whether giving birth, meeting a birth mom, or in another country minutes away from your baby at last Its ok. Its ok to be afraid and its ok to wonder what are we doing. It isnt weakness and it certainly doesnt mean you love your child any less. Just know that God is with you in those overwhelming moments, He will never leave your side, and everything will be ok.
Two days later we met Connor. I remember walking into that room and locking eyes with this gorgeous boy, with my son. I remember my breath catching in my throat and having to remind myself to breathe and begging myself not to cry, because i knew i wouldnt stop. I remember the moment they placed him in my arms and how amazing it felt when his caregivers said look its mama. I remember the day of Connors goodbye party and how all the workers came, his foster mother was there, and so many others and in that moment I realized my child had been loved everyday of his life. I remember one of the workers asking me how long it took and I barely got out 21 months before I started sobbing and she hugged me and we just held each other for awhile. I remember all the sweet babies that had to be reminded that we were there for Connor and it broke my heart knowing they were wondering when would it be there turn. I remember it all so vividly. It the most emotional time of my life and besides the actual physical pain I imagine it was just like the emotions on the day of your childs birth. The emotions are the same. Somehow although I didnt give birth I still experienced the hormonal changes. It is the strangest thing ever but I experienced it firsthand. My emotions were all out of whack for months, they are just now starting to get back to normal. I said all this to say I remember it all so clearly and in all those emotions I also remember the fear I felt that first day. I want you to know its ok. Its ok to admit I am afraid. There is no shame in it. I was overwhelmingly fearful. It didnt change my mind, It didnt affect my love, it didnt make me less. Sometimes God calls us to do tough things and If you think I was some super woman and you think you could never be as brave as I was or do what I did, just know that I was afraid, but im so thankful I didnt let it stop me.
No comments:
Post a Comment