Sometimes....ok alot of times we dont understand why God allows things to happen. I am no exception although I have learned alot in the last few years.
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
I didnt understand why my body was broken. Why my womb was empty month after month, year after year. Why others dreams were coming true all around me and yet my arms were empty. Why God wasnt giving me the desire of my heart. I was devastated. I was crushed.
I prayed. and prayed and prayed. I felt like God wasnt listening. I felt like I was being punished for all my past mistakes. I was a mess. I was envious of other families. I was hurt when others had surprise babies. When unwed woman became pregnant......I was so many things and yet I realize now what I was most of all was WRONG.
Gods ways are not our ways. THEY ARE BETTER!!
I know many mothers who were unwed who say there babies were their saving grace. That their surprise babies saved their lives by pulling them out of lives of addiction. That without their miracle they would not be who they are today or where they are today.
I was so wrong to judge. To question God. To have a pity party just because God hadnt let me in on his greater plan. Because in all lifes tragedies there is a bigger plan. There is a reason. Even if we never understand. Even if things never become clear.
Sometimes they do become clear. Sometimes its not the answer we were searching for and yet Gods plan and purpose for us is so much better than what we asked for. What we begged for. What we cried out for.
I prayed to become pregnant for almost 6 years before I began to understand and then my prayers began to change. God showed me that He wants the desires of our heart to be after the desires of his heart. My prayers began to change and I began to pray that God would give me a family, not for a pregnancy. And in the mist of my prayers and cries things began to change and one day I woke up with peace and I knew that maybe it wasnt Gods plan for me to be a mother and I prayed one night and told God it was ok. ( Not that it mattered, not that God had to answer to me.) But that I knew I would be ok even if it wasnt His plan for me to be a mother. That He had given me so much and I was grateful for all He had done for me and I was sorry for questioning why He gave babies to others. I was sorry I wasted so much time and energy feeling sorry for myself.
And oh what a surprise it was when I realized everything had been for a purpose. Everything was part of his plan.
Thats when God stepped in. Thats when my miracle came. Thats when my dreams came true. When I surrendered and made His desires become my desires. Then He gave me the desires of my heart.
His ways were far greater than mine.
Gods plan was far greater than mine because not only did my dreams come true, but a precious boy who was a orphan is not a orphan anymore. No my womb was never filled and I never got that pregnancy I prayed so long for. And yet God gave me the desires of my heart. Not the way I wanted, but in a far greater way.
I prayed. and prayed and prayed. I felt like God wasnt listening. I felt like I was being punished for all my past mistakes. I was a mess. I was envious of other families. I was hurt when others had surprise babies. When unwed woman became pregnant......I was so many things and yet I realize now what I was most of all was WRONG.
Gods ways are not our ways. THEY ARE BETTER!!
I know many mothers who were unwed who say there babies were their saving grace. That their surprise babies saved their lives by pulling them out of lives of addiction. That without their miracle they would not be who they are today or where they are today.
I was so wrong to judge. To question God. To have a pity party just because God hadnt let me in on his greater plan. Because in all lifes tragedies there is a bigger plan. There is a reason. Even if we never understand. Even if things never become clear.
Sometimes they do become clear. Sometimes its not the answer we were searching for and yet Gods plan and purpose for us is so much better than what we asked for. What we begged for. What we cried out for.
I prayed to become pregnant for almost 6 years before I began to understand and then my prayers began to change. God showed me that He wants the desires of our heart to be after the desires of his heart. My prayers began to change and I began to pray that God would give me a family, not for a pregnancy. And in the mist of my prayers and cries things began to change and one day I woke up with peace and I knew that maybe it wasnt Gods plan for me to be a mother and I prayed one night and told God it was ok. ( Not that it mattered, not that God had to answer to me.) But that I knew I would be ok even if it wasnt His plan for me to be a mother. That He had given me so much and I was grateful for all He had done for me and I was sorry for questioning why He gave babies to others. I was sorry I wasted so much time and energy feeling sorry for myself.
And oh what a surprise it was when I realized everything had been for a purpose. Everything was part of his plan.
Thats when God stepped in. Thats when my miracle came. Thats when my dreams came true. When I surrendered and made His desires become my desires. Then He gave me the desires of my heart.
His ways were far greater than mine.
Because Gods ways are not our ways.
THEY ARE BETTER!!
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
No comments:
Post a Comment