Hi guys first off let me say im sorry if this is a little scattered im literally a little wonky after getting a steroid shot earlier today ( Sinus infection.) Anyway Ive had something on my mind lately and I think its time to let it out so here goes nothing.....
I dont tell you everything....
I know this will come as a shock to some since I do share quite a bit on social media, but theres a whole lot I do not share.. First let me say that I do not think social media is a place to air out all your dirty laundry. Its just asking for trouble which is one reason I dont do drama on social media, I just dont have the time or energy for that stuff. Anyway on the other hand as a advocate for Adoption, Down Syndrome, Medical issues, and just day to day life as a special needs mama I feel its so important that I stay open and honest. Not to seek attention, but in hopes that if someone else is struggling with similar issues they will see my story as either a light at the end of the tunnel, or they could even be my light at the end of the tunnel. However we'll never know if were not open. We are all struggling at one time or another with one thing or another so be kind and if you have experience by all means offer support, in a non opinionated, unbossy way of course. So with that being said here's a little insight to the things I keep to myself....
This morning for instance I posted a picture of Connor because it was picture day and he was all dressed up. He was smiling and happy as could be waiting for the bus, but what I didnt mention is that picture was taken after a major breakdown this morning.
See what I have only mentioned to a handful of close family and friends is Connor has started yelling and screaming when he gets mad. It always results in tears ( sometimes from both of us.) And What ive never told anyone is I have no idea what to do. On the one hand I will not allow my child to scream at me when he doesnt get his way, and yet deep down I know most of the root of the problem is hes frustrated because he cant make the words in his head come out. Connor is extremely smart, theres not a doubt in my mind that he knows what he wants to say, but he cant make it come out. Can you imagine how frustrating that is??? What I've never even said outloud to a soul is my heart breaks wide open, not because it bothers me that hes nonverbal, but because I know it bothers him. Because I know he has so much he wants to say. What ive never told anyone, but his daddy is im afraid of the future. Ya know when hes bigger than me. Im afraid of him being aggressive and having behavior issues. Im scared of the day We might have to make a decision about medications, Im scared of being looked down on because of future choices we could possibily have to make for him. Thats my truth. Thats the reality. Thats the part I leave out. I leave it out because I want to assure you that life is so good, and thats not a lie because it is!! I love my life. I love my husband, I love my child. I love my job. I love my family. I love my Coworkers. I love my life you get the picture. And the last thing I wanna do is make anyone think any different. The last thing I wanna do is fail at advocating, or scare anyone from thinking they can parent a child with special needs. And yet at the same time part of advocating is telling the whole truth, not just parts of it.
So life is wonderful, what I share is not a lie. However the part I often leave out is life is difficult too. We struggle. We cry ( yes both of us.) We have mountains to still climb. We certainly dont have all the answers, and it can be oh so scary sometimes. Thats the part I leave out. Thats the part I rarely shine light on, because to let it all out might make one think that the good isnt really so good which is entirely untrue. Connors abilities far outweigh his disability. He is so so much more than Down Syndrome. He is perfect to us despite the delays and struggles. And yet when I dont talk about them, when I dont share the entire truth I actually could be hurting my advocacy. I could be failing to help someone that can relate to us, someone that our story could have helped. So im laying it all out there and my hope is that it will help someone else, and my prayer is that im not misunderstood like I often am when I attempt to be honest and open about everything not being all rainbows and butterflies. But I believe the whole truth is important so here it is...
What I post on social media is not a lie, but its not everything.
Life is beautiful and were happy, oh so happy. But what I dont share is Life is hard too. Its messy and loud and yet calm and peaceful. Its tears of sadness and frustration and yet its unbelieveable joy and endless laughter. Its unfathomably difficult days that are then followed by fun filled happy days. Its yelling and defiance and then hugs and kisses, lots of kisses. Its mean looks from others when he refuses to walk and me carrying him and yet also mean looks when I tell him he has to walk and him sitting down in the middle of wherever we are. Its trying to balance when to be tough and when to be gentle and soft. Its having no idea what the right thing to do is because your child is not typical and yet knowing that you want to raise him the way you would any other child. Its knowing that you cant. Its knowing that you can. Its tears of joy when he hits a new milestone ( he signed potty repeatedly one afternoon and was successful each time) followed by tears of frustration ( he hasnt signed it since and uses his diaper even after just being took to the potty.) Its being over the moon proud, and then feeling lost and unsure where to turn. Its admitting these truths even when you know you'll be looked at as weak, dramatic, and possibly even uncaring. Its knowing that its okay to say I have no idea what im doing, but I love my child exactly the way he is even on the really hard days. Its knowing that some will see your honesty as complaining and question why you chose this life.
Its knowing that sometimes its best to not tell everything, and yet knowing that telling the whole truth is important when appropriate. Its understanding the balance. Its juggling it all, and yet still shouting from the roof top that You love every single part of your life. Its being thankful for those difficult days and knowing that laughter and kisses will follow. Its knowing that tomorrows a new day and no matter what you got this.
I dont tell you everything, but today I stepped out of my box and now you know it all.
I dont tell you everything....
I know this will come as a shock to some since I do share quite a bit on social media, but theres a whole lot I do not share.. First let me say that I do not think social media is a place to air out all your dirty laundry. Its just asking for trouble which is one reason I dont do drama on social media, I just dont have the time or energy for that stuff. Anyway on the other hand as a advocate for Adoption, Down Syndrome, Medical issues, and just day to day life as a special needs mama I feel its so important that I stay open and honest. Not to seek attention, but in hopes that if someone else is struggling with similar issues they will see my story as either a light at the end of the tunnel, or they could even be my light at the end of the tunnel. However we'll never know if were not open. We are all struggling at one time or another with one thing or another so be kind and if you have experience by all means offer support, in a non opinionated, unbossy way of course. So with that being said here's a little insight to the things I keep to myself....
This morning for instance I posted a picture of Connor because it was picture day and he was all dressed up. He was smiling and happy as could be waiting for the bus, but what I didnt mention is that picture was taken after a major breakdown this morning.
So life is wonderful, what I share is not a lie. However the part I often leave out is life is difficult too. We struggle. We cry ( yes both of us.) We have mountains to still climb. We certainly dont have all the answers, and it can be oh so scary sometimes. Thats the part I leave out. Thats the part I rarely shine light on, because to let it all out might make one think that the good isnt really so good which is entirely untrue. Connors abilities far outweigh his disability. He is so so much more than Down Syndrome. He is perfect to us despite the delays and struggles. And yet when I dont talk about them, when I dont share the entire truth I actually could be hurting my advocacy. I could be failing to help someone that can relate to us, someone that our story could have helped. So im laying it all out there and my hope is that it will help someone else, and my prayer is that im not misunderstood like I often am when I attempt to be honest and open about everything not being all rainbows and butterflies. But I believe the whole truth is important so here it is...
What I post on social media is not a lie, but its not everything.
Life is beautiful and were happy, oh so happy. But what I dont share is Life is hard too. Its messy and loud and yet calm and peaceful. Its tears of sadness and frustration and yet its unbelieveable joy and endless laughter. Its unfathomably difficult days that are then followed by fun filled happy days. Its yelling and defiance and then hugs and kisses, lots of kisses. Its mean looks from others when he refuses to walk and me carrying him and yet also mean looks when I tell him he has to walk and him sitting down in the middle of wherever we are. Its trying to balance when to be tough and when to be gentle and soft. Its having no idea what the right thing to do is because your child is not typical and yet knowing that you want to raise him the way you would any other child. Its knowing that you cant. Its knowing that you can. Its tears of joy when he hits a new milestone ( he signed potty repeatedly one afternoon and was successful each time) followed by tears of frustration ( he hasnt signed it since and uses his diaper even after just being took to the potty.) Its being over the moon proud, and then feeling lost and unsure where to turn. Its admitting these truths even when you know you'll be looked at as weak, dramatic, and possibly even uncaring. Its knowing that its okay to say I have no idea what im doing, but I love my child exactly the way he is even on the really hard days. Its knowing that some will see your honesty as complaining and question why you chose this life.
Its knowing that sometimes its best to not tell everything, and yet knowing that telling the whole truth is important when appropriate. Its understanding the balance. Its juggling it all, and yet still shouting from the roof top that You love every single part of your life. Its being thankful for those difficult days and knowing that laughter and kisses will follow. Its knowing that tomorrows a new day and no matter what you got this.
I dont tell you everything, but today I stepped out of my box and now you know it all.
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