How appropriate that my last blog was titled Life changes. How could I have known that only 8 days after writing those words my papaw would leave this world and finally have peace in the arms of his Savior. I have changed. Everything has changed. Life has indeed changed. As always I wanna be upfront and honest about my life and I would like to share about the days leading up to my papaw receiving his healing at last.
I dont remember exactly when my papaw was diagnosed with parkinson's disease, but I do remember the shaking in his hands growing worse, his falls to be more frequent, and his smile changing as he couldnt quite control his muscles as well. But his cheery spirit remained and he was always laughing and content. I remember when he could no longer drive and the saddness that brought to him. My papaws love for Jesus could not be denied by anyone who knew him. He always had his bible near, He loved his gospel music and most visits included it playing in the background. He impacted my life in so many ways, but the one dearest to me is how proud he was of everything I did and his confidence in me and the decisions I made. He never ever questioned me or my judgement. When I told him I was getting married, he never said one thing about me being too young ( probably due to the fact that he married so young.) When I told him I was moving to Montana to do full time ministry I was met with nothing, but encouragement. When I told him I was adopting a child with Special needs from overseas He never ever was anything but excited. He loved Connor from the moment he laid eyes on him. They were buddies instantly.
He always told me to follow Jesus and everything would be just fine. He told me that everyone thought Noah was crazy too, but then the rain started. Ill never ever forget his confidence in me.
I remember Connor and I visiting with him in october . Papaw was wheelchair bound then, but still able to move about in his wheelchair. I remember Mamaw crying during our visit and Papaw saying " Mama dry it up. I've had 78 wonderful years, and if God takes me tomorrow I've lived a full life." Ill never ever forget those words, or the way he played with Connor that visit. He held onto Connor and let Connor pull him around the room in his wheelchair. Some of my favorite memories of the two of them were made in that visit in October.
Papaw was in hospice care at the time, (due to the fact that he was restricted to home because of his fall risk.) and his nurse came while I was there. Papaws nurses that came were like family and I am grateful for the care they gave him and the relationship they had with him and mamaw. One he called his sister and one he called his best friend. They were so good to him and my family is so appreciative.
By Thanksgiving Papaws health had declined greatly. He was bound to a hospital bed in the livingroom and it was difficult to accept. This was the man who was always on the go, and although all my life he had significant health problems he was still one of the strongest men id ever known.
I remember Papaws birthday ( December 12th) I remember being tired that day and to be honest not wanting to go anywhere, but home to my pjs. However I told myself I have to go this is Papaws last birthday. I then had a good cry, wiped the tears away put on my happy face and drove to kingston to spend time with my papaw for his 78th birthday. When we got there I remember Papaw opening his eyes and saying "Hey girl" Something he always said to me. We had a good visit. I sang Happy Birthday and Connor rang his bell ( he had a bell over his bed) and he laughed and laughed. It was a good visit, but I was broken on the inside because Papaw looked so frail. Before leaving that day Papaw told me he loved me and I had no idea it would be the last time I heard those words. I had no idea it would be the last time I heard his voice. I had no idea how close our time together would be ending.
I went for a visit the day after Christmas. Papaw mostly slept now, due to the meds he was on. His pain had grown so great. He was surrounded by family. He mostly slept, but before I left his eyes opened and I knew if I wanted to talk to him while he was awake I should savor the moment. I stepped up to his bed, and he turned and locked eyes with me. He looked so different now. Its like he was right there and yet he looked so far away. So different from that tough man id known all my life. I told him we were all there and made a joke about me doing my best to keep Connor from tearing his house apart. He never spoke, but his eyes never left me. I vividly remember saying Papaw I love you. And his eyes softened and I could tell he wanted so badly to say it back, but his words would no longer come. I then told him we were wanting to watch The Three Stoogies ( something we always did together) and asking if he wanted to watch The Three Stoogies with us and he shook his head yes. I told him that I had to go, but that Randy was going to turn them on for him and he shook his head yes again. I remember crying the entire way home, because somehow I knew that was the last time id get to talk to papaw when he interacted back with me.
Ill skip alot of the details of the next day because there too private and too painful to relive, but the next day we were told not to expect him to make it through the night. I stayed up most of the night holding my phone, but the call wouldnt come until around lunch time the following day. Papaw had finally met his Savior. He was no longer in any pain. . He was finally safe in the arms of Jesus. He was home, the very place hed told us for weeks that he wanted to go.
We buried Papaw today, and although our hearts are broken. Although the pain seems too much to bare we know that he is at peace.
Please continue to pray for my family, especially my Mamaw she married Papaw when she was just 16 years old and suddenly she has to learn what living without him means. Its hard to fathom a life without Papaw, but we know that he is now more alive than hes ever been.
I dont remember exactly when my papaw was diagnosed with parkinson's disease, but I do remember the shaking in his hands growing worse, his falls to be more frequent, and his smile changing as he couldnt quite control his muscles as well. But his cheery spirit remained and he was always laughing and content. I remember when he could no longer drive and the saddness that brought to him. My papaws love for Jesus could not be denied by anyone who knew him. He always had his bible near, He loved his gospel music and most visits included it playing in the background. He impacted my life in so many ways, but the one dearest to me is how proud he was of everything I did and his confidence in me and the decisions I made. He never ever questioned me or my judgement. When I told him I was getting married, he never said one thing about me being too young ( probably due to the fact that he married so young.) When I told him I was moving to Montana to do full time ministry I was met with nothing, but encouragement. When I told him I was adopting a child with Special needs from overseas He never ever was anything but excited. He loved Connor from the moment he laid eyes on him. They were buddies instantly.
He always told me to follow Jesus and everything would be just fine. He told me that everyone thought Noah was crazy too, but then the rain started. Ill never ever forget his confidence in me.
I remember Connor and I visiting with him in october . Papaw was wheelchair bound then, but still able to move about in his wheelchair. I remember Mamaw crying during our visit and Papaw saying " Mama dry it up. I've had 78 wonderful years, and if God takes me tomorrow I've lived a full life." Ill never ever forget those words, or the way he played with Connor that visit. He held onto Connor and let Connor pull him around the room in his wheelchair. Some of my favorite memories of the two of them were made in that visit in October.
By Thanksgiving Papaws health had declined greatly. He was bound to a hospital bed in the livingroom and it was difficult to accept. This was the man who was always on the go, and although all my life he had significant health problems he was still one of the strongest men id ever known.
I remember Papaws birthday ( December 12th) I remember being tired that day and to be honest not wanting to go anywhere, but home to my pjs. However I told myself I have to go this is Papaws last birthday. I then had a good cry, wiped the tears away put on my happy face and drove to kingston to spend time with my papaw for his 78th birthday. When we got there I remember Papaw opening his eyes and saying "Hey girl" Something he always said to me. We had a good visit. I sang Happy Birthday and Connor rang his bell ( he had a bell over his bed) and he laughed and laughed. It was a good visit, but I was broken on the inside because Papaw looked so frail. Before leaving that day Papaw told me he loved me and I had no idea it would be the last time I heard those words. I had no idea it would be the last time I heard his voice. I had no idea how close our time together would be ending.
I went for a visit the day after Christmas. Papaw mostly slept now, due to the meds he was on. His pain had grown so great. He was surrounded by family. He mostly slept, but before I left his eyes opened and I knew if I wanted to talk to him while he was awake I should savor the moment. I stepped up to his bed, and he turned and locked eyes with me. He looked so different now. Its like he was right there and yet he looked so far away. So different from that tough man id known all my life. I told him we were all there and made a joke about me doing my best to keep Connor from tearing his house apart. He never spoke, but his eyes never left me. I vividly remember saying Papaw I love you. And his eyes softened and I could tell he wanted so badly to say it back, but his words would no longer come. I then told him we were wanting to watch The Three Stoogies ( something we always did together) and asking if he wanted to watch The Three Stoogies with us and he shook his head yes. I told him that I had to go, but that Randy was going to turn them on for him and he shook his head yes again. I remember crying the entire way home, because somehow I knew that was the last time id get to talk to papaw when he interacted back with me.
Ill skip alot of the details of the next day because there too private and too painful to relive, but the next day we were told not to expect him to make it through the night. I stayed up most of the night holding my phone, but the call wouldnt come until around lunch time the following day. Papaw had finally met his Savior. He was no longer in any pain. . He was finally safe in the arms of Jesus. He was home, the very place hed told us for weeks that he wanted to go.
We buried Papaw today, and although our hearts are broken. Although the pain seems too much to bare we know that he is at peace.
Carey Gordon Wilcox finally home December 28,2018.
1 comment:
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Love so much. Aunt Dee
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