Jeremy and I went for a bike ride on Saturday. For me riding is so therapeutic. I forget everything, and just breathe. The only thing I have to think about is when to lean for curves. Its one of the most relaxing things for me. Its when I can think clearly without any interrupts. One subject was on my mind Saturday (its something I've been asked more times then I can count )and I feel compelled to talk about it.
First off let me say that its no ones business, and I know I certainly don't have to answer however I want to. I've been asked numerous times "Don't you want more kids??" The answer is yes! And sometimes no! Biological? Adopted? I totally understand that these questions are mostly from peoples intrigue with adoption. Most of the time I shrug it off with "we'll see", but today I'm gonna open up and answer. So if you've wonder this very thing then this post is for you.
I would love to have more children. Ya'll know I always wanted 5 right?? Not entirely sure why, but thats just always been the number. Isn't life full of surprises. In high school when everyone was dreaming of careers, my answer remained the same to the million dollar question " What do you wanna do??" I wanna be a mother. I had no way of knowing then that infertility would destroy those plans of 5 little Stephanies in this world.
Ya'll know our story ( if not you can find it very easily on this blog.) You know that God took the very thing that broke our hearts and used it for His glory. To find our son Connor on the other side of the world. We love our life and although it took many years to get here, we love the beauty God brought from our ashes. We wouldnt change a thing.....but do we want more???
Yes, we would love another child.
Biological??
To be quite honest (from my perspective) no. I know this seems baffling, but its the truth. The thought of "trying" leaves me feeling broken all over again. Even the word feels heart breaking to me. It makes me cringe honestly. So no I have no interest in crying month after month. In getting my hopes up every single time, only to be left sobbing in whatever bathroom i'm in at the time. I can't.... I won't go there again.
However If God sends me a miracle, I cant say I wouldn't be ecstatic. I cannot even fathom the emotions we would feel. The thankfulness and awe that would overflow. Do we believe God could give us biological children?? Of course. We have no way of knowing the plans He has for our future. A biological children would be a huge surprise.
Adopted??
YES!!!! If it were solely up to me id be done with paperwork right now. Honestly we would probably already have another and be working towards a third. However I believe its Gods calling on our life that lead us to Connor, and if its His will then we will step forward in faith just as we did last time. I know what your thinking and your right God cares about ALL orphans so how can we justify waiting to be called. This is where I fully believe in Gods timing. I first began researching adoption early in our marriage. We obviously knew early on something was up, and I was ready to adopt. Could we have started the process back then without letting God lead, sure. Would it have gone as smoothly, no. Without God leading it never does, but sure we could have trudged forward on our own. But guess what at that time Connor wasn't even born yet. This is where my opinion comes into play I fully believe its about finding your child, not adopting a child. So my child was not born. Which means we would have adopted another child. And then the question that leaves me shook, that scares me to the core Without God, with us not waiting to be called and allowing Him to lead " what if we adopted someone elses child?? What if we took someone elses Connor?" I believe God has a plan for us all. So God has a plan for all orphans to have families. Often people arent willing to listen to His still small voice. Arent willing to step out. To some its unthinkable. Thats where Orphans without homes, come into play ( again this is my opinion) and im not saying everyone is called to adopt so please don't get me wrong. However what if another family had decided to adopt Connor, not because God called them to, but because they wanted a child, and they chose him. We would have been robbed of our biggest blessing. Sure we could adopt another child, but it wouldn't be our Connor. I cannot even fathom this, he fits in our family perfectly. Ya know why?? Because God called us to adopt HIM. Not any child, but Him. It was always about him. So just like with Connor, I believe we need to wait on God to call us.
God hasn't called us yet, and we don't know that He will. It could be possible that our family is already complete, only God knows the plans He has for us. If its his plan for us to have more children we will be thrilled, if its not then we are thrilled. God has already given us so much more than we deserve and our life is beautiful.
So will there be more little Jeremy and Stephanie Malones only time will tell. I can tell you theres no secrets or plans right now. However if God says to move, we are ready. Right now we are standing still, and letting God move. We are praying for His will for our family. So stay tuned with us.
First off let me say that its no ones business, and I know I certainly don't have to answer however I want to. I've been asked numerous times "Don't you want more kids??" The answer is yes! And sometimes no! Biological? Adopted? I totally understand that these questions are mostly from peoples intrigue with adoption. Most of the time I shrug it off with "we'll see", but today I'm gonna open up and answer. So if you've wonder this very thing then this post is for you.
I would love to have more children. Ya'll know I always wanted 5 right?? Not entirely sure why, but thats just always been the number. Isn't life full of surprises. In high school when everyone was dreaming of careers, my answer remained the same to the million dollar question " What do you wanna do??" I wanna be a mother. I had no way of knowing then that infertility would destroy those plans of 5 little Stephanies in this world.
Ya'll know our story ( if not you can find it very easily on this blog.) You know that God took the very thing that broke our hearts and used it for His glory. To find our son Connor on the other side of the world. We love our life and although it took many years to get here, we love the beauty God brought from our ashes. We wouldnt change a thing.....but do we want more???
Yes, we would love another child.
Biological??
To be quite honest (from my perspective) no. I know this seems baffling, but its the truth. The thought of "trying" leaves me feeling broken all over again. Even the word feels heart breaking to me. It makes me cringe honestly. So no I have no interest in crying month after month. In getting my hopes up every single time, only to be left sobbing in whatever bathroom i'm in at the time. I can't.... I won't go there again.
However If God sends me a miracle, I cant say I wouldn't be ecstatic. I cannot even fathom the emotions we would feel. The thankfulness and awe that would overflow. Do we believe God could give us biological children?? Of course. We have no way of knowing the plans He has for our future. A biological children would be a huge surprise.
Adopted??
YES!!!! If it were solely up to me id be done with paperwork right now. Honestly we would probably already have another and be working towards a third. However I believe its Gods calling on our life that lead us to Connor, and if its His will then we will step forward in faith just as we did last time. I know what your thinking and your right God cares about ALL orphans so how can we justify waiting to be called. This is where I fully believe in Gods timing. I first began researching adoption early in our marriage. We obviously knew early on something was up, and I was ready to adopt. Could we have started the process back then without letting God lead, sure. Would it have gone as smoothly, no. Without God leading it never does, but sure we could have trudged forward on our own. But guess what at that time Connor wasn't even born yet. This is where my opinion comes into play I fully believe its about finding your child, not adopting a child. So my child was not born. Which means we would have adopted another child. And then the question that leaves me shook, that scares me to the core Without God, with us not waiting to be called and allowing Him to lead " what if we adopted someone elses child?? What if we took someone elses Connor?" I believe God has a plan for us all. So God has a plan for all orphans to have families. Often people arent willing to listen to His still small voice. Arent willing to step out. To some its unthinkable. Thats where Orphans without homes, come into play ( again this is my opinion) and im not saying everyone is called to adopt so please don't get me wrong. However what if another family had decided to adopt Connor, not because God called them to, but because they wanted a child, and they chose him. We would have been robbed of our biggest blessing. Sure we could adopt another child, but it wouldn't be our Connor. I cannot even fathom this, he fits in our family perfectly. Ya know why?? Because God called us to adopt HIM. Not any child, but Him. It was always about him. So just like with Connor, I believe we need to wait on God to call us.
God hasn't called us yet, and we don't know that He will. It could be possible that our family is already complete, only God knows the plans He has for us. If its his plan for us to have more children we will be thrilled, if its not then we are thrilled. God has already given us so much more than we deserve and our life is beautiful.
So will there be more little Jeremy and Stephanie Malones only time will tell. I can tell you theres no secrets or plans right now. However if God says to move, we are ready. Right now we are standing still, and letting God move. We are praying for His will for our family. So stay tuned with us.
1 comment:
We have been there... Just when we thought we were done. We get a phone call that Zekes biological mom had a baby girl and were we willing to take a 5th child. God had bigger plans. Being patient and not making your own plans is exactly how you need to handle it. I will praying Gods guidance and understanding while you are in a time of waiting. I love following your story. We waited 10 years for kids ended up with 5 within 1 year.
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