You do your best.

Hello Its me....

 Sorry its been so long but it has been a busy month!!! Doctors appointments, preschool, meeting family and friends. Its been a whirlwind but I think we are finally caught up where we can breathe and just in time since we return to work soon!!!

  Connor is now up to date on his shots. He got two shots and didnt cry long. Connor had a echo cardiogram to check his heart. All is well!!!! It is such a relief to know that his little heart is working properly and besides a little fluid that we have to watch everything is ok. Connor also had blood work  done to make sure his thyroid is functioning properly.(It is functioning perfectly.) This is where it got rough :( The first stick they couldnt find a vein and by the time they realized they would have to switch to the other arm he was distraught. He cried the hardest I have ever seen him and kept trying to reach for Daddy and I. Daddy was so strong and helped the doctors hold him down ( yes doctors they had to call in back up to help hold him down.) I always thought it was crazy when moms cried over things like this. Now I get it! I stood looking out the door so Connor wouldnt see the tears fall.

If only i knew then that my tears had only begun. Connor started preschool last week and his first day went awesome.

Daddy and I took him and he went right in and we snuck out of the room. When we arrived to pick him up we were greeted with the biggest smile ever!!! It was perfect.  The second day I took Connor and it was clear that he had figured things out. He sobbed and clung to me and they had to pry him off of me. I barely made it out the door before I began sobbing. All I could think is how he has been through so much the last 7 weeks and change keeps coming. He doesnt understand why mommy and daddy who have always been there keeping him safe are dropping him off with people he dont know. His teacher is awesome, his school is awesome, but somehow that first week I felt like a trader when I let them take him from me and left him crying each day. 

Of course picking him up is AMAZING!!! He gets the biggest smile ever and runs to me ( or Daddy) he wraps those tiny arms around us and then immediately begins waving and blowing kisses to his teacher. Its the highlight of my day and is just the absolute BEST!!!

Today is week two of preschool and Connor wouldnt walk and began clinging to me the moment I got him out of the car. Once we entered the door the crying started. I passed him off to his teacher, signed him in, and hurried out the door. Was it difficult?? ABSOLUTELY!! However since last week Mama got a little bit stronger. I didnt cry while heading out the door or on my way home because I knew he was fine. Do I worry?? Um yeah every second that he is not in my sight.  However I know that school and therapy is going to help him learn and grow and provide so many more opportunities for his future. 

Do I want to go back to work in a few weeks?? Of course not, but I need Connor to have all his needs met and that means his Daddy and I have to work very hard. Connor deserves the best we can give him. Would it be awesome to be a stay at home mom, sure but it would mean barely making it paycheck to paycheck. It would mean no extra, no cushion room for when he gets sick or needs another test run. 

In the end me working is me making a sacrifice so that He never has too.

Life as a parent is incredible, but it comes with lots of struggles and making hard decisions. We are making them and pressing forward and doing our best.  Cause thats what you do as a parent, you do your best.