There I sat in a dark room with my son on my lap watching the monitor. The nurse took pictures as he squirmed and I tired to calm him and keep him still. A million thoughts in my mind and yet I begged my body not to feel anxious or nervous so that he wouldn't know. The colors on the screen flickered as his heart beat. I thought about how fragile life is. I thought about the blessing in my lap and about how things could be so different . I sat In this same seat 6 months earlier as the nurses face changed. Her simple small talk stopped and the room grew silent and I knew. I knew something was wrong. I knew she saw something. She excused herself from the room and came back saying the doctor had cleared his schedule so he could see us and a thousand thoughts raced through my mind as the panic began to sink in. We hurried down the hall to the pediatric cardiologist wing. This wasn't suppose to happen I kept thinking as I held my toddler in my arms. We were just here for a echocardiogram we weren't suppose to see the doctor. It was silent as we hurried down the hall begging ourselves not to fall apart. The doctor arrived after what seemed like an eternity. He explained that there was fluid around our guys heart and although it was no where near a dangerous level it was still a concern. He told us to come back in 6 months and if the fluid had increased then it would be time to be concerned and take action.
Here we were 6 months later and I wondered if this would be a life changing day. Little man sat still on my lap watching cartoons on the tv on the wall while the nurse took pictures of his tiny heart. We were sent back to the waiting room to wait on the doctor to call us back. Finally it was our turn and we headed back to see the doctor. When the door opened I felt my breath catch in my throat. I immediately heard "Everything looks normal ". "And I don't need to see you all again."I have never felt such relief. And yet I immediately thought of the parents who sat in this same room and heard much different news. We left there that day on such a high and yet so many leave so completely broken. 40-50% of babies born with Down syndrome have heart defects. Although we're not in that percentage it is a humbling feeling to know we so easily could have been. My prayers are with those parents who get the not so good news in those waiting rooms, who have to walk into a room and see their tiny baby hooked up to tons of tubes after heart surgery, those who brushed back their sleeping babies hair and trace their fingers over a long scar down their child's chest. Although I may never understand the depth of your fear and hurt I am with you. To listen, to prayer, to grieve, no matter what you need I'm with you because I could have so easily been with you.
Here we were 6 months later and I wondered if this would be a life changing day. Little man sat still on my lap watching cartoons on the tv on the wall while the nurse took pictures of his tiny heart. We were sent back to the waiting room to wait on the doctor to call us back. Finally it was our turn and we headed back to see the doctor. When the door opened I felt my breath catch in my throat. I immediately heard "Everything looks normal ". "And I don't need to see you all again."I have never felt such relief. And yet I immediately thought of the parents who sat in this same room and heard much different news. We left there that day on such a high and yet so many leave so completely broken. 40-50% of babies born with Down syndrome have heart defects. Although we're not in that percentage it is a humbling feeling to know we so easily could have been. My prayers are with those parents who get the not so good news in those waiting rooms, who have to walk into a room and see their tiny baby hooked up to tons of tubes after heart surgery, those who brushed back their sleeping babies hair and trace their fingers over a long scar down their child's chest. Although I may never understand the depth of your fear and hurt I am with you. To listen, to prayer, to grieve, no matter what you need I'm with you because I could have so easily been with you.
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