When Life gets tough, we get tougher.
Are you ever cruising along when bam out of no where you are blind sided and have to hit the brakes, and its back to reality that life is hard.
Most days Ill admit I forget that Connor has Down Syndrome. Sure I advocate, Ive posted facts every single day this month since its Down Syndrome awareness month. However most days I forget, because hes Connor, he needs no other label he is my son bottom line. We laugh, we play, we cry, we smile like everyone else. Life is simple, Life is easy. '
Then bam something happens. Maybe its a friend letting the R word slip and I feel my heart quiver. Maybe its being asked if you have children and you say yes a son. How old?? and you say 5 and then they start talking about what a fun age that is. Its then that every single detail they give about five year olds, dont relate to your guy at all. Maybe its cutting up your childs food and watching babies eating the same foods without needing help cutting it. Maybe its checking your childs backpack every night to make sure theres enough diapers for the next day. It smacks you right in the face and your reminded that your lifes different, and although your the same person the world sees as having it all together, the one who has all figured out, you start to feel that strange feeling creep over you. Maybe its fear, maybe its sadness, possibly anxiety, but whatever it is there it is showing itself once again. And for a split second you start to feel sorry for yourself. You feel sad that you have to worry about the next IEP meeting thats just around the corner, and you wonder if this is the year you'll have to fight. You feel frustrated that a piece of your heart cannot form the words to tell you how his day was, and you have to trust that he is treated kindly. You feel overwhelmed at all the extra care he needs daily, when the world sees him as a big boy. You feel defeated, and immediately you begin to wonder if you have what it takes to love, nurture, and to raise this child.
Im here to tell you its ok for you to feel this way. Never beat yourself up for being human. When I start to feel all these things and when I strap in on my ride on the poor me train I simply remind myself of this.
My life is better because my childs in it. Those hugs and kisses. The endless laughter. It all makes every day brighter. My life did a complete 180 the day I became a mama. The day Connor came changed everything and although my life may be harder and more complicated ITS SO MUCH BETTER because hes in it. The specialist, the IEPs, the therapy, the advocating, the stares, the worry, the delays, the nights I stay awake wondering what will happen when im gone, the hurt of watching him get further and further behind his peers, the opinions and unneeded advice, the countless tears when it all becomes too much and too overwheming. I want it all. I can take it all. Because He is worth it. There is no limit on my love for him. I am stronger. I am braver. I am better because of him, and even during the times when I feel so terrified that I am doing things wrong, that I am not enough I know that if love and hope and dreams were all he needed then hes set for life. Because I would drop everything if he needed me. I would fight with my last breath. I would literally walk through fire for him. Theres nothing, honestly nothing I wouldnt do for him. I feel honored to pack those diapers in that backpack. I'll be there asking questions at those specialist appointments and I'll never miss a IEP meeting. Every single milestone Ill be cheering him on. And someday when my time on earth is done I hope he will be able to say My Mama loved me until her last breath and no one ever had my back like she did, she wasnt perfect and she didnt always have all the answers, but she taught me to reach for the skies, she taught me that even though the world may say different theres no limit to what I can do. When she looked at me, she never saw limitations, she only saw me. No diagnosis, not different or less than anyone else, she just saw me.
Are you ever cruising along when bam out of no where you are blind sided and have to hit the brakes, and its back to reality that life is hard.
Most days Ill admit I forget that Connor has Down Syndrome. Sure I advocate, Ive posted facts every single day this month since its Down Syndrome awareness month. However most days I forget, because hes Connor, he needs no other label he is my son bottom line. We laugh, we play, we cry, we smile like everyone else. Life is simple, Life is easy. '
Then bam something happens. Maybe its a friend letting the R word slip and I feel my heart quiver. Maybe its being asked if you have children and you say yes a son. How old?? and you say 5 and then they start talking about what a fun age that is. Its then that every single detail they give about five year olds, dont relate to your guy at all. Maybe its cutting up your childs food and watching babies eating the same foods without needing help cutting it. Maybe its checking your childs backpack every night to make sure theres enough diapers for the next day. It smacks you right in the face and your reminded that your lifes different, and although your the same person the world sees as having it all together, the one who has all figured out, you start to feel that strange feeling creep over you. Maybe its fear, maybe its sadness, possibly anxiety, but whatever it is there it is showing itself once again. And for a split second you start to feel sorry for yourself. You feel sad that you have to worry about the next IEP meeting thats just around the corner, and you wonder if this is the year you'll have to fight. You feel frustrated that a piece of your heart cannot form the words to tell you how his day was, and you have to trust that he is treated kindly. You feel overwhelmed at all the extra care he needs daily, when the world sees him as a big boy. You feel defeated, and immediately you begin to wonder if you have what it takes to love, nurture, and to raise this child.
Im here to tell you its ok for you to feel this way. Never beat yourself up for being human. When I start to feel all these things and when I strap in on my ride on the poor me train I simply remind myself of this.
My life is better because my childs in it. Those hugs and kisses. The endless laughter. It all makes every day brighter. My life did a complete 180 the day I became a mama. The day Connor came changed everything and although my life may be harder and more complicated ITS SO MUCH BETTER because hes in it. The specialist, the IEPs, the therapy, the advocating, the stares, the worry, the delays, the nights I stay awake wondering what will happen when im gone, the hurt of watching him get further and further behind his peers, the opinions and unneeded advice, the countless tears when it all becomes too much and too overwheming. I want it all. I can take it all. Because He is worth it. There is no limit on my love for him. I am stronger. I am braver. I am better because of him, and even during the times when I feel so terrified that I am doing things wrong, that I am not enough I know that if love and hope and dreams were all he needed then hes set for life. Because I would drop everything if he needed me. I would fight with my last breath. I would literally walk through fire for him. Theres nothing, honestly nothing I wouldnt do for him. I feel honored to pack those diapers in that backpack. I'll be there asking questions at those specialist appointments and I'll never miss a IEP meeting. Every single milestone Ill be cheering him on. And someday when my time on earth is done I hope he will be able to say My Mama loved me until her last breath and no one ever had my back like she did, she wasnt perfect and she didnt always have all the answers, but she taught me to reach for the skies, she taught me that even though the world may say different theres no limit to what I can do. When she looked at me, she never saw limitations, she only saw me. No diagnosis, not different or less than anyone else, she just saw me.
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