Today Connor went to see his Pulmonologist ( lung doctor) and due to his recent pneumonia he ordered a x ray. The doctor spoke to me about how I felt he was doing. I spilled out my concerns and he asked on a scale of 0-10 , 0 being no improvement where do I think he is. My answer was 7 or 8. I just cant understand why for 2 weeks straight his nose has poured snot. The doctor agreed that this was a concern to him as well. We spoke about color and consistence and all the things that would make others cringe, but not a mama. Cause a mama knows all these answers and she knows when something just don't seem right. Since starting the antibiotic 10 days ago I saw my spunky carefree boy begin to come back, but still he is not quite himself. Part of the sparkle that lights up his eyes when he smiles is not there, others may not even notice but a mama knows. The doctor and I spoke about the antibiotic and how Amox Clav is one of the strongest and he is stumped as to why it hasn't worked. It sure has succeeded in turning his stomach inside out. That's why this morning when I told Connor it was his last day on the medicine, he clapped and cheered and we danced around the kitchen. Only our happiness high was temporary after we got the x ray results back reality snuck back in. "His lungs still have gunk in them", the doctors words. So we are moving onto a different antibiotic. So instead of knowing soon his stomach can settle back down, I know that were facing another 10 days of this. Instead of spending our last few days of spring break carefree and putting this scary sickness behind us here we sit waiting on it to pass still. I know things could be far worse and we are so blessed however I left Childrens Hospital today discouraged and worried. Worried about another week hoping and praying the medicine works. Another week of watching my phone every two seconds waiting on it to be the school saying Connor needs picked up. Waiting on things to get worse, all the while hoping things will get better. Cause a Mama knows when somethings not quite right, and although I had the feeling I was so hopeful that I was wrong. That my instincts were clouded by worry and stress. And just when we are filled with dread and sadness God sends us a sign that He is all knowing and All powerful and we are right where we are suppose to be. That all this is not in vain, that we have a purpose, and sometimes that purpose is huge and sometimes that purpose is to just be mama. Cause being Mama is HUGE.
After we left the hospital we headed to eat. We stopped at a Mcdonalds and as we were waiting in line to order a man approached us and said " Ma'am its not much but can I give him something". A little confused and with my guard slightly up I said yes. He handed Connor a dollar bill. Connor eagerly took it and I smiled and said thank you. He then said " God bless you for taking care of him." He then said "bye buddy" and turned and walked away.
A simple act that on somedays might not have meant that much, but today it meant everything. Because I am tired and worn. I am sick with worry, like I have literally been sick myself all week. I am exhausted mentally, And I know its my job to take care of him. Its my job to make sure his every need is met and I joyfully do it because I love him so much. But to have someone thank me. Someone we didn't know, someone who had no idea we were struggling. Someone who had no idea that I long to see that sparkle back when my son smiles. Someone who had no clue that I worry about how much work im missing, and then feel guilty cause I know Connor is my top priority. Someone who has no idea that I wonder how we are gonna pay those two ambulance bills, two ER visit bills, and all the medicine bills and still make all our other payments. Someone who had no idea that with one sentence he could change the day I was having. Sometimes God calls us to do big jobs like be a Mama to a child with multiple health issues, and sometimes he calls us to go up to a total stranger in a mcdonalds line and say something kind.
So keep following God and keep living out his purpose for you. No matter if they seem big or small, they are all equally as important and we never know how they can change someone elses day, heart, or life . So follow God and be the kindness this world desperately needs. Who knows He might just allow you to change someones life in line at mcdonalds.
After we left the hospital we headed to eat. We stopped at a Mcdonalds and as we were waiting in line to order a man approached us and said " Ma'am its not much but can I give him something". A little confused and with my guard slightly up I said yes. He handed Connor a dollar bill. Connor eagerly took it and I smiled and said thank you. He then said " God bless you for taking care of him." He then said "bye buddy" and turned and walked away.
A simple act that on somedays might not have meant that much, but today it meant everything. Because I am tired and worn. I am sick with worry, like I have literally been sick myself all week. I am exhausted mentally, And I know its my job to take care of him. Its my job to make sure his every need is met and I joyfully do it because I love him so much. But to have someone thank me. Someone we didn't know, someone who had no idea we were struggling. Someone who had no idea that I long to see that sparkle back when my son smiles. Someone who had no clue that I worry about how much work im missing, and then feel guilty cause I know Connor is my top priority. Someone who has no idea that I wonder how we are gonna pay those two ambulance bills, two ER visit bills, and all the medicine bills and still make all our other payments. Someone who had no idea that with one sentence he could change the day I was having. Sometimes God calls us to do big jobs like be a Mama to a child with multiple health issues, and sometimes he calls us to go up to a total stranger in a mcdonalds line and say something kind.
So keep following God and keep living out his purpose for you. No matter if they seem big or small, they are all equally as important and we never know how they can change someone elses day, heart, or life . So follow God and be the kindness this world desperately needs. Who knows He might just allow you to change someones life in line at mcdonalds.
" God bless you for taking care of him."
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