Silly Saturday #13

Easing into the background

             8 more weeks!!!! It is becoming more and more real that in only 8 short weeks we will load all our things in a u-haul and drive away. We will leave  friends we cherish and a life we love. All for Christ. No sacrifice is too big considering your doing it for a man who gave the ultimate sacrifice. I am sad. I am overwhelmed. I am anxious. I am worried. But I trust God and His plan for my life. I have peace because I know He holds my future and He will work it out for my good.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

             Lately I have been working on letting go and easing into the background. On wednesdays my jobs were to teach the 3 and under class and get everything together for the puppet shows. A few months ago my friend Diane took over the 3 and under class for me so that I could put  100% of my focus on the puppet ministry. Through a conversation a few weeks later a friend of mine Christi said she would like to take over the puppets when I leave. So I begin to help her and show her what I do and next thing I know I am slowly easing into the background. Please don't take this post wrong I am not whining or saying poor me everyones  taking my jobs. I am praising God for laborers!!


 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few;  therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.” Matthew 9:37-38


           I am so thankful for both of those ladies and their willingness to serve. Because of them I get to go in each wednesday and enjoy the kids. I still help cook the meal and clean afterwards so dont think im somewhere with my feet propped up, but I am watching as others take over jobs I started. As a missionary this is what you work for. In hopes of one day slowing  easing into the background and watching things go on and function whether your there or not. Because reality is that in 8 more weeks I wont be there, but something I started will and it will go on and grow long after im gone. Not because i'm awesome, but because God is. Not because I was a good teacher, but because God helped me each week. Not because I had a great idea one day and came up with the puppet ministry, but because God gave me a vision one day for the puppet ministry. Not because I woke up one morning and wanted to come to Hungry Horse, Montana, but because God put a desire in my heart for Hungry Horse, Montana. And now God has put a desire in my heart for TN. Not because my family is there although thats great, but because God has a purpose for us there. God is allowing me to slowly ease into the background not to make me feel unneeded, but to give me peace and allow me to see that life will go on in Hungry Horse, Montana and although it will hurt and hearts will ache we will all be just fine because we wont be alone, and there is no greater peace than that. 


Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go Joshua 1:9

Just a random photo!

So I  have had to get alot of new clothes since most of my old ones are huge!! I must say its amazing how big a difference 33 pounds makes. So here is one of my new outfits. The jeans are a size 6!!!!!                    The last time I could wear that size I was a freshman in high school!!! 

Happy Birthday Jeremy Lee Malone!!!

   So tomorrow will be a busy day we are having a bbq and meeting for the workers at Beyond Borders for Christ. So I decided I better write this post today since more than likely I wont have time tomorrow.  So yes I realize i'm a day early, but He never reads my blog anyway so He wont know the difference!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful Husband!!!

 You have shown just how strong you are this year. You set a goal and did not stop until you reached it. Today you are 90 pounds lighter because of your hard work and dedication and I am so proud of you!!

Hooray for a productive Monday!

   I feel like I got alot accomplished today!! Yesterday evening I wrote our last newsletter :(  This morning I printed them all then  I multitasked by folding them while sitting on the back porch getting rid of the sun tan line I got at the lake on sunday. Ok so the sun did all the work besides the folding. Then I came inside and packed up most of our winter clothes. I left out a few outfits just in case. Then I organized our extra bedroom which is filled with empty boxes and now some packed boxes. I also packed all our blankets and sheets that we wont be using again for awhile. Then I got all the newsletters put into envelopes and sealed. We went to dollar plus to buy sun screen and aloe since we are a little burnt from the lake on sunday. Then we came home and took Molly for a walk. Now Jeremy is cooking dinner and afterwards I need to put stamps on the newsletters and start writing addresses on them. I am looking at the clock wondering where my day off went, but it was a good day. Happy Monday everyone!!!

 

Silly Saturday Oops Silly Sunday #12

           Ok who realized I forgot silly saturday yesterday??!! I completely forgot!!!! So here is a picture of us this beautiful sunday morning before heading off to church. 





 By the way All my clothes in this picture are from the clothes closet here at Canyon Baptist so come on by every 2nd and 4th tuesday of the month from 8:30am-11:30am for free clothes!!!!!

:) Worth all the sweat, tears, and yummy foods I had to give up to be able to say......I reached my goal weight!!!!

 After almost 6 months and lots of sacrifices and struggling I finally reached my goal weight!!! I feel so much better about myself!! Since I am happy with the weight i'm at now my goal is to maintain. So I will still exercise daily and watch what I eat, but I can now indulge every now and then. It has been a crazy few months and I am happy that this was something Jeremy and I have done together. He has lost 90 pounds!!!!! I am so proud of him for all He has accomplished!!!
  So many have asked us what our secret is and there is no secret. In the beginning We started with exercise and portion control. Oh and we have not had sweet tea or coke since August!!  We now are so so embarrassed at the amount of food We would eat before. We also  eliminated some foods altogether like desserts. We are  now eating more fruits and veggies. We have found a few simple things we can substitute  with each other that are healthier choices. We now eat cauliflower mash instead of mashed potatos and nonflavored yogurt for sour cream. Now am I saying we will never eat mashed potatos or sour cream again.... No its just something when we cook we choice to do to eliminate some calories.
      We have changed so much in the last 6 months inside and out and are on our way to a healthier and happier life :)

Thankful for the time We have had!!

   Hello out there!!! I know my blog has been getting more and more abandoned lately besides silly saturday and maybe some pictures here and there. We are just soaking in this beautiful weather and spending time with friends. After all if you are keeping up with my countdown you have noticed we only have 67 more days!! It is crazy how time is flying!! I know it sounds crazy since we have known for almost 6 months, but it is just beginning to sink in with me that we will be leaving our life here behind. I'll be honest I have had some meltdowns :( Its a very strange feeling to feel extreme excitement and complete dread :/. What I am trying my best to focus on is the time we have left. I don't wanna waste one minute.
    I have tried to wrap my mind around why now? Why is God calling us home now? The answer is always the same He can see the future so He knows when the perfect time is. What We have to do is trust Him. I know that sounds easy, but its not. 
       In the end I am so glad God called us here. I cannot imagine what our life would be like had we not Followed Him and came to Hungry Horse, Montana.

I am thankful for the two years we have had!!!!
       

Silly Saturday #11

                         Before

           


                                                                                                                          After

Fun in the Sun!!!

This is not gonna be easy......

               Well I have not written about the move and how i'm feeling in awhile so here goes.  To be honest its still hit or miss Some days i'm fine and other days I am a complete mess. Tonight i'm a mess, but today has been a great day. Its crazy how we have been here almost two years, but it feels like within the last few months we have really started connecting with people. Why now?? Is the question I keep asking over and over. Here is one example of what I mean. .........Alayah is a 19 month old little girl who we babysit occassionally. We are crazy about her and have loved her for along time, but now She loves us too. I know what your thinking one how do you know she loves you and two whats wrong with that?  No she can't tell us she loves us yet, but her actions show it. She cries when we leave, gets excited to see us, and has even cried when I have held other babies. Where the problem lies is this is making it a zillion times harder to leave. As if it was not hard enough in the first place, but I can deal with missing her. I know what your thinking She is a baby she will forget all about us and I know thats true. Deep down though I feel like she will wonder where we are? and why we left her? I know thats crazy, but thats where I am right now. I feel that way about all the little kids at Beyond Borders for Christ although we have talked and I have explained to them the whats and whys. I still often wonder will they question why I left them? Will they ever know how hard it was for me?  I am so anxious and overwhelmed lately. I know I worry to much, but how do you turn that off? 
        This morning We went to the Chapel and heard Pastor Brent preach. The sermon was about having peace and giving your cares to God. I know it was for me. I know I cannot gain anything by worrying. I also realize just a few weeks ago I said I was gonna make these last 12 weeks the best and not worry about anything. Now here I am worrying over Goodbyes that are still 11 weeks away. Are they gonna be tough? Absolutely. Will there be lots of tears? No doubt. But last and most important will I get through it? Yes I will because God will be right there too. Just like 2 years ago when I left my family for a little town called Hungry Horse. A place I had never been. A place where we had no friends. Now here I am two years later struggling to find the strength to leave a place I love so much, and wondering How I will ever find the words to tell all my friends here what they mean to me.
       I could really use your prayers now. I know things will be fine so don't think im down in a deep depression or anything like that. The move is just getting so close and I am beginning to deal with the reality that this is not gonna be easy. I know God has a purpose and a plan and I am clinging to Him and His promises.
Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Silly Saturday #10

 So last year on our anniversary we took some pictures and this year since we have lost weight I thought it would be fun to put on the same clothes and try to take the same pictures or as close as possible. I was shocked by the outcome. Hope you enjoy.

5 Years!!!!

 5 years ago today Jeremy and I were saying I do!! Can not even fathom that it has been that long already. Look what I woke up to this morning :) and Jeremy claims He can't be romantic maybe not, but sweet and thoughtful will work just as well!!!!

Chocolate Chip pancakes (my favorite!)

Siblings

 Hi baby,
        On Monday We went to the hospital to met Big J and Camerons baby. I was actually holding Sadie when Alisa got there to met her new baby sister. The moment between the two of them was so powerful. It made me realize how much I want that  for my children. As a only child I know nothing of the bond of siblings, but just seeing Alisa study Sadies little face I felt love between them. If its Gods will I hope to see that love someday between you and your sister or brother. Only 11 more weeks until moving day and I'll admit I feel some dread. I love our friends here so much but I will be thankful for the time we have had with them instead of wishing and hoping for more time.
            I hope that one day you can look back on these letters and see your Mommas heart poured out onto paper. I hope you know you were wanted and loved long before you were conceived. Even though these letters are mostly to you our first baby I hope someday your siblings will read this and realize they were wanted as well.

I love you so much,
Momma

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

   On Monday April 15th Jeremy and I hopped in the car and headed to the hospital to see our friends baby girl who had just been born. When arriving to the hospital the room was filled with friends and family and so much excitement. After only being there a few minutes I was asked if I wanted to hold her. So I scoped her up and watched as she slept so peacefully. Only minutes later the door opened and in came more family as well as the babys 3 year old sister. So of course she ran to her Mommy and after many hugs she came running over to me to met her baby sister. I knelt down and watched as she stared at her baby sisters face. Wow I thought this is such a powerful moment and I am so blessed to be apart of it. She then asked me what I had done to her baby sisters eyes ( her eyelids were red) I explained that I didnt do anything. She asked me if they hurt and I explained that she was not hurt she was fine. She then ran back to her Mommy and announced Shes so Cute.
          I wanted to share this moment because it was so powerful for me. I have always wanted more then one child, but I had never really thought about the bond between siblings. I am a only child so it never really crossed my mind. Now I am certain that if its the Lords will I absolutely want that for my children.
             I also got to experience the jealousy that comes along with it too. When Jeremy and I arrived at the hospital we walked in the door and Alayah was there ( with her Aunt and Grandma) of course she squealed when we walked in. So as I held the new baby Alayah runs over and reaches up for me and begins to cry. Of course this makes everyone laugh and someone else scopes Alayah up and tells her she has to share.  In this moment I am reminded of the words my former Pastor Derek McCosh said to me when I was struggling wanting and not understanding why God had never given Jeremy and I a child of our own. " Pour your love into the children God has placed around you"   I am pouring my love into so many in Hungry Horse, Montana, and although im sad that I only have 11 more weeks to be with them I am thankful for the 2 years I have had.
          Not long after getting home from the hospital we heard about the tragedy in Boston. Instantly I went from joyful to heartbroken. I am reminded that God gives and takes away. So hold those you love extra tight because we dont know what tomorrow holds. We need to pray for Boston and all those who lost loved ones. God is still good although thats hard for some to hear and understand right now. God will never leave them through all the heartache and pain He is there.
 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18)

 Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.  Job 1:21

A Past

        We all have a past. So many times we wanna sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. I know I do and sometimes we spend so much time wishing we could rewrite our past that we fail to realize we are living in it. I have been there and although I asked God for forgiveness the problem was I had never forgiven myself. I was carrying around all that grief and shame and I would cry and tell God I was sorry over and over until one day God said enough. Your slate has been wiped clean. Its absolutely amazing to know that God can just forgive us if we will only ask. Oh if only we could be half as forgiving as Him. 
           The problem is even if we try to forgive we can never forget. So thats why so many have been shunned because of their past. I know most people think im just sweet little Stephanie, but I have made some major mistakes in my life. I have failed so hugely and felt I could never be used for God glory. Thats so untrue!! The truth is we are ALL unworthy, but God chose us all. He wants everyone of us to do his work and to tell others about Him. The thing is we spend so much time telling each other were not qualified when the truth is we may very well be the most qualified. For example who could help a addict more than someone who has been a addict and overcame their addiction , but all to often that person is told they are not qualified due to their past. When in reality they are the best person for the job. So many in the bible prove this to be true. God used Moses in a mighty way and Moses murdered someone. My point is God can use anyone and dont let your past stop you from having a bright future. Forgive yourself and dont spend your life looking back and wishing things were different. God can use us all if only we will let Him.

Silly Saturday #9

    Ok so I know fortune cookies are probably equivalent to horoscopes, but I won't lie when I eat Chinese I always open my cookie and read mine. Its not that I think they are really predicting my future mostly its for a laugh because they can be funny sometimes. Once mine was blank and Jeremy and I joked that I had no future. The point is don't think I take these things seriously, but this one I got earlier this week made me smile.

             The craziest part is these last few weeks I have been afraid. I know God knows my future and He has a plan for us in Tennessee, but its still scary. How long will it take Jeremy to find a job? Where will we live? What will we do for money until Jeremy finds a job?  Even though I said I was not gonna let these questions consume me and ruin my last 12 weeks here I cant make them go away completely.  However, this is not what has been scaring me the most lately. The biggest thing on my mind that is making me fearful is how can I leave Hungry Horse and everything I love behind. I know it sounds silly after all I left my family and a place I had always called home to come to Hungry Horse, but I always knew we would go back as often as possible for visits. That is not so certain now because although we will be back for visits we have no idea how long before we can come back or how often. Since Jeremy will have a job it depends on vacation time and more importantly will we have the money. Thats what is so hard. We will have to say goodbye not knowing when we will  see friends who have became like family again. Thats what makes this so scary. We LOVE our life here and although we will be back for visits when we can make them possible we are all to aware that it will NEVER be the same.  I know I am moving home where all my family is and this should be a piece of cake and I should be on cloud nine and I am excited, but my heart is breaking for the family I am leaving behind in Hungry Horse, Montana. :/

She has my heart!!!

We love PB&J!!!!

We decided to take a picture of us together for her to always have.

Silly Saturday #8

              Today I'm going to tell you a story about what happen to us on wednesday ( April 3rd). In Hungry Horse we have sidewalks (which we will miss HUGELY when we leave) so lately we have been going for walks with Molly because the vet wants her to lose 20 pounds!! So we had been taking her everyday since sunday and walking 2 miles ( She has lost weight already!) Well on wednesday we had Alayah it was warm and we have a stroller so we took her too. So I had Molly attached to the stroller and I was pushing Alayah which they both loved because Alayah giggled the whole way because Molly was walking beside her and Molly must think we aren't very responsible because she constantly thinks she has to protect Alayah ( which is cute as well) So anyway were walking and we were to our marker where we turn around so we did and we had just turned around when I saw three dogs running down the side of a fence as fast as they could. 
   Ok back track for a second anyone who knows me knows I have a HUGE fear of dogs. I know it sounds ridiculous since I have a dog ( who is a big dog) but its true. I go into  panic mode sometimes I almost blackout and later just remember pieces of what I did. So when we started walking outside my requirements were to walk where no dogs were. Jeremy had ran this way so many times and had never seen one dog so thats how we made this our routine walk.
     Back to the story......So the dogs are running down the other side of the fence and I start getting a little panicky and I remember saying to Jeremy they are fenced in, right? He said yeah ( but I could tell He didnt know) so I started walking faster and then I glanced behind me to see the dogs flying towards us!! I panicked!!!! I remember saying ( probably very loudly) oh no their coming!!! Jeremy said its ok just keep walking. One was a rottweiler, the other looked like a husky mix, the leader looked like a Alaskan malamute. So they run right down to Molly and the Alaskan Malamute starts growling at Molly so of course she starts doing the same. So I am in a absolute panic at this point and I say to Jeremy What do I do?!?!? He says keep walking and don't stop. The problem was Molly being hooked to the stroller because Molly was not budging. So I said Molly come on and I had to literally force her to walk with me. Every step I was pulling her as she barked and growled trying to go back towards the dogs. My heart was pounding so loud that I could hear it in my head. Molly still was trying her hardest to go back but I kept pulling I never looked back I went straight ahead like Jeremy had told me to do.  I pulled back the sun visor to make sure Alayah was ok (She gets scared when just Molly barks sometimes so I assumed this would have totally freaked her out). I'm sure it did, but I was super proud to see her look back up at me with no tears I told her everything was going to be ok. I think I was really trying to reassure myself. So a few minutes later Jeremy comes running up behind me, and we walked home in silence. 
   Jeremy later told me that He grabbed a handful of the dogs hair and shoved it backwards, and it still was growling and showing its teeth. So He yelled at them and actted like He was not afraid and they turned around and left. I asked him what would we have done if they had all three started fighting Molly and He said he wouldnt have let that happen. So I said ok what if they got you first then went after Molly and He said wouldnt have happened. He said to always act like you are not afraid of them, but that is easier said than done. The moral of the story is Dont attach your dog to the stroller because if they had started fighting the baby would have been right their in the middle of it. I also learned that although Molly is overweight and not in good shape ( she had walked a whole mile and was panting like crazy) She was not going to take any crap off anyone even though it would have been three against one she stood up for herself. She also was protecting us which is why she kept trying to go back because she saw the dogs growling at Jeremy. So I am super proud of my dog. We have not walked since because it has been raining and when it first happened I said I was never going again. I know I have to I can't let the fear stand in my way, but we will not be walking that way again we will find another dog free route. 

Have a great weekend!!!!

Making the most of 12 weeks

           Hello Out there!!! My blog seems to have hit a stand still so I figure you all could use a update. Things are going good. Wednesday night 3 more were baptized!!! PTL!!!! We are so excited after 2 years of working at the school to see children starting to understand and so many come to know Christ as their Savior!!  We are so blessed to be apart of that ministry and even after July we will continue to cover it in prayer because we know it is so important to reach the children in the Hungry Horse and other nearby areas. Just as it is important to reach kids everywhere!!!!
          Yesterday I had a very exciting day!!! Its no secret that we are crazy about Alayah (a little girl we babysit). I haven't told anyone this, but I had a secret wish that she would say my name before we leave in July. So wednesday her aunt told me that she is saying more and more words ( she is 19 months old). So Jeremy and I kept Alayah on thursday and boy she was one happy girl. She squealed and giggled all day!! The day was almost over and we were about to take her home I was changing her diaper and she was talking and laughing, and something just told me, ask her if she can say Steph. So I asked her and she smiled and I said come on you can do it, say Steph and in almost a whisper she barely said Steph!!!! A whisper or not it was good enough for me! I don't need to tell you that I thought my heart was gonna melt. So we did a happy dance and I got her stuff together and put her in her carseat. So I get in the front seat and we are waiting on Jeremy and I turn around and tell her to say Steph and of course now she knows I want her to so it aint happening. So she just laughs, but I keep asking her. Finally I laugh too and turn back around in my seat. Thats when I heard the sweetest thing ever!!! From the back seat a little voice said Steph. I turned around and we clapped and laughed. I was and still am on cloud nine. Sometimes the simplest things mean so much!
     Only 12 more weeks until we leave Hungry Horse, and the life we have known for 2 years. I could spend these 12 weeks agonizing over where we are gonna live when we get home, or wondering what ministrys we will be involved in. I could worry about the drive home, and I could go ahead and start dreading and wondering how we will ever say goodbye to everyone we love here, but I won't. I have made a decision these will be the best 12 weeks. I plan to make the most of every minute I have left with these wonderful people who I now and always will call my friends. I will not let the time we have left go to waste. God has a plan for our future and so we should have nothing to fear or worry about. After all He obviously knew best when He sent us to a little town called Hungry Horse :)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

Oh How I love my tripod and self timer. Here are some run in before the timer goes off photos!