Christmas 2017

We seriously had our best Christmas yet!!! Last year was Connors first Christmas home, but he was very sick and was just getting over pneumonia and was dealing with reoccurring ear infections while he waited for his upcoming surgery to have tubes put in his ears.  So I have declared this year our "First Good Christmas". It was amazing to have my boy his spunky self on such a joyful day.  We spent time with both our families and it truly was a great day of celebrating!!!

First look at his present!!

He was so excited!!

Family picture Fail!

Joy awaits you.....

If God called you to do something BIG, would you follow Him??
No matter how scary.
No matter how unimaginable the journey seemed.
No matter what it looked like financially.
No matter if you knew it would change your life forever.
No matter if you knew it would be a long hard road.
No matter if you knew it was unpredictable.
No matter who agreed.
No matter if you didn't get the encouragement and support from those you love most.
Would you do it anyway, Would you follow Him??

    First off let me say that I do not share our story to give us any glory, because ALL the glory belongs to JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD.  No, I share our journey for those who are right there where we were. Those who hear Him calling, and are filled with the same unimaginable fear we were. Those who cant comprehend how they will make it work financially. Those who arent sure they are ready to give up the life they know now. Those who arent sure they have what it takes for the hard road ahead. Those who arent sure they will have the support they will need. I share for them. Because I want them to know that when they press forward through the rain the rainbow is so worth the storm. I want them to know that so much joy lies ahead after the heartache and pain. I want them to know that God foots the bill when its His plan. I want them to know that life will indeed be different, but it will be so much better. I want them to know that It will all be worth it. I want them to know that Gods plans are for our good and His timing is indeed perfect.

And thats why I tell everyone what God did for us. How He took two ordinary people who didnt have much but had alot of love to give. Two people whose hearts ached from their empty arms.

And  across the World He saw a  beautiful boy who was a orphan. Who needed those loving arms. Who needed two people with alot of love to give.

And He knew He had the perfect plan.

Still God gives us the freedom of choice. We could have said no. We could have allowed money or fear stand in the way.

But because we didnt that beautiful boy is not a orphan anymore and those empty arms have never been so full.

Im  not telling you to adopt. Im not telling you to plunge head first into the unknown. But I am telling you that when you follow Him, even when its scary, even when you cant comprehend his plan, even when it seems so unattainable that joy awaits you and that you will never walk one step alone.

Follow Him, the journey may be hard, the journey may be long, You may not have much support, but you'll have Him and that's all you'll need.

Joy awaits you when you follow Him.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:38

Why we didnt do Santa this year.....

 

Last year I took Connor to the mall and stood in line to do the whole Santa thing. I'm still not really sure why, but I just thought I was suppose to. Its what moms do right?/ Every year you have your childs picture made with Santa whether they like it or not.

    Its true that when we brought Connor home I had no idea what I was doing. No one can tell you how to be a mom, sure you can read the books and listen to others experiences and oh yes ALL the advice you will be given. And yet still it cant really prepare you. But whats amazing, what kicks right in. Those instincts. Oh those Mama bear instincts. Its like boom there they are. My opinion is thats exactly how God wired us. He purposely made us to just know what to do. Sure there will be plenty of times you feel like you have no earthly idea what your doing. But ya know the common sense things, the how to literally keep them alive day to day those come natural. My point is sometimes though we let trends get in the way of those instincts, and thats exactly what I did last year when I dropped my beautiful boy into santas lap and even said to santa " we will have to hurry this will probably get ugly". I know that its all in fun. I know that its not hurting anyone. I know that we will treasure the picture forever, he may even look back and laugh about it one day. However its one of my biggest regrets as a mother. That moment where I went with the trend  cause thats just " what you do"  and I did something that I went in knowingly would upset my son. Who does that???

So what have I done differently this year......

This year we didnt do Santa. No waiting in line at the mall. No making the guy in red a big deal at all. Theres no trace of him in our house and Jeremy and I did not take him anywhere he was, Obviously he saw him at school and a couple other places, and we are in no way trying to wipe Santa off the map. We just wont push him because Connor gets upset and is definitely  not a fan and thats ok. Its ok if that changes and its ok if it doesnt, But what I will not do is go with the trend.

Maybe one day he will like Santa and maybe he never will. Maybe it will never be a big part of Christmas for him and maybe he will be obsessed with him in a few years. We are letting him lead the way and are not making the jolly fellow a part of our Christmas traditions anymore.

I do want to say that this is totally our thing. We are in no way knocking anyone for making Santa huge at there house. Cause its fun for the kids, and its such fun memories you will all always look back on forever. And honestly thats something i have come to love about parenting is seeing all the different styles and techniques . Cause seriously yall we dont have to all be doing things the same to be on the same team ( the we love our kids and are doing our best team). After all we are all raising completely different kids, what works for one wont work for another. Lets all support and be there for each other. No more feeling like you have to go with the trends unless you want to. Trust those instincts and dont let anyone tell you your doing it wrong ( unless you are harming your child, in which case you are indeed  doing it wrong).

And this my friends is why we didnt do Santa this year. 

His Timing is Perfect

His Timing is perfect.

I was so tired of hearing that. Over and over. I knew it was true. I knew God was good, but somewhere along the 7 year wait I had grown weary. My heart was a constant state of broken. No matter what there was this deep ache for something more. When would it be my perfect time.  I prayed and prayed. I was patient. impatient, I was hopeful, I was sad, I was angry. I was so many emotions and yet I was empty.

Then one day it happened. We started the adoption Journey. We saw his little face. We had hope, we were happy. As the time grew near and we entered into the last weeks of waiting. We heard from so many friends and family by Christmas. I hope you get him by Christmas. And thats when it happened. I wrote those words and I believed them " His timing is perfect".  I dont know why I knew or how I knew, but I knew we would spend that one last christmas without him. I knew that it wasnt time yet.

I'm not sure why January was our perfect time, but I know everything came together. I know that on January 11th when I pulled him into my embrace that the stars aligned.

I know that nothing ever felt so right. I dont know why a child born to another woman is my son. I dont know why I had to wait 8 years for him.  I dont know why I didnt get to meet my son until he was three years old.

I dont know why it took time for him to accept my love. But I know what it felt like the day he reach over and took my hand for the first time.

  I dont know why it took so long for me to become a mother.

 But I know how it felt after so many years of waiting. I know that it makes me so much more thankful for every single moment. I know it
makes it all so much more special because it didnt come easy.

 I know that because of how it all played out I am a firm believer that those four words are so true.

"HIS TIMING IS PERFECT."

Just a quick update

  Hey guys sorry its been so long, but life has been crazy for a little bit. My cousin Lacey and I were able to come up with a plan to surprise my parents with all household items they needed. I could never thank those enough who donated and bought items!! They moved into a home they will be renting for the time being which is two doors down from us. While this is a huge blessing and I appreciate what people mean, I cringe everytime someone says im so lucky or they are so lucky. However lets talk about the good not the negative.  Its amazing to see how God has worked things out and took care of them each step of the way. I am anxious to see the rest of his plan unfold. 

One other thing going on recently is I finally broke down and saw a dentist. My tooth has been broken for awhile, but only recently has it been painful. It went from no pain to excruciating pain  what seemed like overnight. I literally couldnt even drink water, its been horrible. So Ill go get a root canal ( I cant have it pulled cause its in my smile line) and then everything will be fine.  Life never seems to go the way we think huh.  My visit revealed I have gum disease. I have significant bone loss. I have 4 cavities. So I will have a root canal, then get a crown, have my cavities filled, and then root therapy will begin.  They will numb my mouth and go in and clean out the bacteria from the roots of all my teeth.  I cant remember how many sessions Ill need, but I will go every three months for awhile after there complete and eventually I will be released to every six months.  Im so thankful for good dental insurance, but We will still be paying a huge chunk of money. Health problems associated with Gum disease are  diabetes, heart disease, stroke, to name a few.  Anyway please be praying for me.

Connor is doing well. He is fighting a cold right now, but were hoping he will kick it soon. We saw the ENT and his tubes had came out. As long as he doesnt get a ear infection we wont need another set, so were crossing our fingers. He complied perfectly for his hearing test and aced it. This was huge ( the complieing part) I was so so proud of him. His surgery for his eyes is coming up quickly. We are praying that all will go as planned and honestly were just ready to get it over with. 

Not much else going on in the Malone household. We had a good Thanksgiving and I enjoyed my first holiday break at my new job and am now counting down to Christmas break. Getting to spend all this extra time with Connor is such a blessing. I cannot tell you how thankful I am to have this new opportunity. God is good!!!

All is not lost, I still have my daddy.

    Most everyone knows on November 7th 2017 my parents home was destroyed in a storm. We originally thought it was a tornado, but have since learned it was straight line winds and a microburst. My Dad was home at the time and he went through what I know will probably forever be the most scary, devastating moments of his life. The doctors are saying he is a miracle. We know God had his hand on him that day. I would like to tell a little of his story without his permission, but hopefully I wont get in too much trouble. I feel its important so others understand how badly he needs prayers and how we need to be so very fragile with him.



  Dad has been in so much pain due to a abscess that recently came up on his lower back. He went to the ER on monday ( November 6th). He was given pain medicine so on Tuesday Morning he was in bed sleeping.  He said he woke to the entire house shaking and he knew he needed to get somewhere safe. He tried to get to his feet when he was slammed to the floor. The next thing he knew he said he heard what sounded like a explosion and the walls were falling down on him. He said the walls just kept coming ( we now know that the house likely rolled possibly several times as it was around 15ft from where it originally sat.) The next thing he remembers he was looking at the sky and could see my uncles house next door because the roof and walls were gone. He then knew he needed to get out. He frantically tried to find decent clothing but quickly realized there was no finding anything. His nose would not stop bleeding and so he grabbed something near him ( possibly a shirt) and held it on his nose. He crawled out of the rubble that was once the bedroom he was sleeping so soundly in minutes earlier. He managed to walk to the road to try to get help. Once at the road he remembers a car pulling in and turning around he yelled for help but they turned around and left ( we now know that there were trees across the road and the person likely never saw him and was just turning around because the tree in the road.) Then a truck pulled in and was about to do the same when Dad began yelling to the driver and calling for help. The truck pulled back in and came to his rescue. All we know is the mans name is Jamey. He gave Dad clothes to put on and began trying to contact my mom. Anyone who has been to or near my parents know making a phone call is practically impossible due to no service and horrible reception when you do have service. He  finally got  ahold of my mom by text message. He meanwhile sent someone who was with him to check on my grandparents. They live the next driveway up. ( They were fine.)  Two ambulances came and I believe the rescue squad and my dad was transported to the hospital. I received a voicemail from my mom saying I need you to call me back as soon as you get this, AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS. I knew the moment I had missed a call from mom during our work hours that something was wrong before even listening to the voicemail. I called back and my mom said A tornado hit our house and your dad is in a ambulance on the way to the hospital. I immediately panicked and took off. I prayed the entire way through sobs and reminded myself that I needed to be careful because Connor needs a mama and I am no help to anyone If i wreck ( the roads were soaked and the rain was still coming,)  Ill skip alot of the rest but I will say the Doctors and nurses all say my dad is a miracle. No one can explain how he is alive little on with only scrapes and bruises. He should have been dead or at the very least broken to pieces.  My dad is whole. My dad is alive. However my dad is traumatized. Though not physically, he is indeed broken.

 My Dad was discharged from the hospital and we immediately went to see the house, The storms had cleared and we wanted to see with our own eyes and gather what could be salvaged.  When we pulled up to the house friends and family and friends of friends were there digging through to pull out what they could. Nothing could prepare my eyes for what I saw that day.

   The guys who helped were able to dig out alot of moms clothes and some photo albums, and  a few other little things but when you have nothing they are all big things!!! I could never ever thank them enough. We needed them so desperately when we drove up that driveway for the first time.  What meant the most is we had no clue they were coming and we didnt ask. They just stepped up and helped.

 Somewhere in this area is where dad was. 

Gods hand was definitely on him no other way to explain him being able to crawl out and find help. 

 Adrenaline was so high that day that I think we were all in shock and unbelief and didnt really grasp the magnitude of what had happened. However today (the day after)

as we have calmed down we have wept fiercely on and off all day. I cant sleep as my mind is constantly racing. I cannot even seem to form a solid thought.  However there is work to be done and we have to pull together and keep moving. 

I have been reminded of a sermon that was preached by Pastor Derek this past sunday titled "Never Give Up". How was I to know only two short days later I would cling to those words. While I was racing to my dads side while praying and sobbing I remember crying out to God " Have your glory!"  I know that He will. Sometimes we dont know why things happen, but we know God will bring beauty from these ashes.  I sobbed and  can remember saying "I know your still good" over and over.   I have never believed those words so much even in the mist of the darkest time in my life. I know that I havent lived in this house in 9 years but it was still my safe haven. We moved into this house when I was 4 years old and it is literally the only home I remember growing up, and within moments my safe haven was in pieces. I have no idea how to be strong, All I want to do is crumble like my hurting heart is, but I am clinging to those words I heard two days before the worst day of my life and I am promising im  Never giving up!!! My entire life my parents have been strong for me and its time that I was strong for them. 

From the bottom of our broken hearts we want to thank everyone for the calls, text, messages, helping hands, and most importantly prayers. The love and support were being shown is unexplainable!  I literally cannot even answer everyone back. My phone has not stopped ringing and I am so appreciative. So thank you to everyone for everything!!! 

Q&A

 Today im gonna answer questions im frequently asked.

Howl long have you been married??
In April we will celebrate 10 years of marriage!!!

How old were you when you got married??
I had been 19 for 4 short weeks when I got married.

Why did you decide to adopt??
God made it very clear that it was his plan for us to adopt a child.  We began the journey in 2014.

Did you know you wanted to adopt a child with Down Syndrome?

No. We were asked to fill out paperwork saying what diagnosis and special needs we were open to and somewhere there is a paper with my hand writing with a NO written beside Down Syndrome. Isnt it amazing how God can change hearts!!!!

Did you want a girl or boy??
In the beginning we didnt care either way. However a few months in we felt God telling us we would have a son. We then let our agency know that we wanted to pursue a boy.


How long was the adoption process?
From the first piece of paperwork to holding Connor in our arms was 21 months. It was 27 months before everything was done and final and he was legally a Malone at last.

Could you not have your own??
Ive been asked this more times than I can count and first off its rude. I like to respond with I did have my own. I have no doubt that God knew when he created me that this child would be my son.

In regards to biological children we tried for 7 years. It never happened. Could it happen?? Sure and it could not. Only God knows what the future holds.

However Connor is not plan B. He is not mine because I couldnt have biological children. He was always meant to be ours regardless. And he is the perfect fit into our family.

Will you adopt again??
I would like to think yes, but the truth is we fully believe adoption is a calling from God so its not for us to say. If he calls, we will follow.

Do you know anything about Connors biological parents??
We have basic information about them. We have no contact with them at this time, however we have reach out to his biological mother and are awaiting a reply. We are open to a relationship if she is.

How did you know God was calling you to adopt??
It was a aching in our hearts that would not go way. We both felt it. We literally felt like someone was missing.

Is the adoption process hard??
The adoption process is extremely difficult, but so so worth it.

How much did he cost?
Ive literally been asked this more than once. I like to start out by saying he is a person and he was not bought. Therefore he didnt cost anything. The adoption fees ( agency fees, country fees, travel) were  right at $20.000

Wow I could never afford that!!  How did you do it??
 We literally had no money saved. We funded our adoption by working our butts off and fundraising for every single dime of that $20,000. God foots the bill when its his plan.

Got more questions?? Feel free to Comment below I love to talk about our journey.

No diagnosis, No limitations, Just you.

   When Life gets tough, we get tougher.

      Are you ever cruising along when bam out of no where you are blind sided and have to hit the brakes, and its back to reality that life is hard. 

    Most days Ill admit I forget that Connor has Down Syndrome.  Sure I advocate, Ive posted facts every single day this month since its Down Syndrome awareness month. However most days I forget, because hes Connor, he needs no other label he is my son bottom line.  We laugh, we play, we cry, we smile like everyone else. Life is simple, Life is easy. '

Then bam something happens. Maybe its a friend letting the R word slip and I feel my heart quiver. Maybe its being asked if you have children and you say yes a son. How old?? and you say 5 and then they start talking about what a fun age that is. Its then that every single detail they give about five year olds, dont relate to your guy at all. Maybe its cutting up your childs food and watching babies eating the same foods without needing help cutting it.   Maybe its checking your childs backpack every night to make sure theres enough diapers for the next day.  It smacks you right in the face and your reminded that your lifes different, and although your the same person the world sees as having it all together, the one who has all figured out, you start to feel that strange feeling creep over you. Maybe its fear, maybe its sadness, possibly anxiety, but whatever it is there it is showing itself once again. And for a split second you start to feel sorry for yourself. You feel sad that you have to worry about the next IEP meeting thats just around the corner, and you wonder if this is the year you'll have to fight. You feel frustrated that a piece of your heart cannot form the words to tell you how his day was, and you have to trust that he is treated kindly. You feel overwhelmed at all the extra care he needs daily, when the world sees him as a big boy.  You feel defeated, and immediately you begin to wonder if you have what it takes to love, nurture, and to raise this child.

Im here to tell you its ok for you to feel this way. Never beat yourself up for being human. When I start to feel all these things and when I strap in on my ride on the poor me train I simply remind myself of this.

   My life is better because my childs in it. Those hugs and kisses. The endless laughter. It all makes every day brighter.  My life did a complete 180 the day I became a mama. The day Connor came changed everything and although my life may  be harder and more complicated  ITS SO MUCH BETTER because hes in it.  The specialist, the IEPs, the therapy, the advocating, the stares, the worry, the delays, the nights I stay awake wondering what will happen when im gone, the hurt of watching him get further and further behind his peers, the opinions and unneeded advice, the countless tears when it all becomes too much and too overwheming. I want it all. I can take it all. Because He is worth it. There is no limit on my love for him. I am stronger. I am braver. I am better because of him, and even during the times when I feel so terrified that I am doing things wrong, that I am not enough I know that if love and hope and dreams were all he needed then hes set for life. Because I would drop everything if he needed me. I would fight with my last breath.  I would literally walk through fire for him. Theres nothing, honestly nothing I wouldnt do for him. I feel honored to pack those diapers in that backpack. I'll be there asking questions at those specialist appointments and I'll never miss a IEP meeting. Every single milestone Ill be cheering him on. And someday when my time on earth is done I hope he will be able to say My Mama loved me until her last breath and no one ever had my back like she did, she wasnt perfect and she didnt always have all the answers, but she taught me to reach for the skies, she taught me that even though the world may say different theres no limit to what I can do. When she looked at me, she never saw limitations, she only saw me. No diagnosis,  not different or less than anyone else, she just saw me.

To Include or not to Include thats the big question....

    So In the world of special need parents there is no bigger topic than inclusion. Its everywhere I look, and oh the opinions are endless. I'm certain its one of the biggest fights in the IEP world. Obviously I havent been doing this motherhood thing long  and I'm learning as I go, but I already have ideas and opinions about everything. So here are my thoughts on Inclusion.

I think its amazing!! I think its wonderful. I think our children belong with their peers, typical included. However (and Im sure I'm gonna get alot of flack for this) I'm not 100% sure I want Connor fully included. I know what your thinking, your probably about to flip out on me but please hear me out first.

  Dont i want the best for my child??  The answer is YES! I want the absolute best for my guy!!! I want him to get the best education possible. I want him to have friends. I want him to be liked. But above all else when it comes to school   I WANT HIM TO LEARN.

   What if the absolute best way for him to learn is not in a classroom with his typical peers. What if he would benefit in other ways. I know what statistics say, but all children are different and I want the right fit for him.

My biggest worry is him falling  further behind. My biggest fear is fighting for something that in the end he didnt benefit from. I want him to be where he learns best and maybe thats being fully included and maybe its not.

Kindergarten is right around the corner next year it will be time for those tough decisions, and Ive already been given plenty of advise from family and friends. But I want whats best for my guy no matter if thats what others think is best or not.

So there you have it, my answer. Its not a clear answer at all. Is inclusion a beautiful thing?? Absolutely,  However the thing I want most for Connor is for him to learn. I want him to grow. I want him to flourish, If that means he isnt in a class with his typical peers im ok with that.

So lots of big decisions are around the horizon and I wanna make the right choices for him. I want to be the best advocator, I want to be the best mom. I want to make sure he has the best chance at a good education and I want him to reach his full potential. What works for him, may not be what worked for your child. It may not be what you thinks best. But please trust that we will seek all options and please believe that we make all decisions with his best entrust at heart.

So inclusion or no inclusion we will just have to wait and see, but regardless of which path we choose I know there are big things ahead for my child. I know his future is so bright and he is gonna do great.

Tell that to the Mama.....

    So I was in a Down Syndrome group the other day on facebook skimming through and I read a comment that really struck a cord in me....." Down Syndrome isn't hard."

  This was a few days ago and I seriously cannot shake those words. They have stayed in my mind and heart since then and I have pondered over them. First off let me say that I am not mad, I mean what  I think is hard and what you think is hard can vary alot and everyone is entitled to their opinion and with that being said here is mine.

" Down Syndrome Isn't hard."

Tell that to the Mama sitting in the waiting room while her childs chest is being cracked open and their tiny heart stopped to be operated on.

Tell that to the Mama fighting for inclusion so her child can learn with their typical peers.

Tell that to the Mama whose heart cringes when she hears someone tell a child much younger than hers to use their words, when she has yet to hear her child utter a sound.

Tell that to the Mama whose days are packed with therapy appointments and specialist visits.

Tell that to the Mama who runs her fingers down that long scar down her childs chest and remembers how close they came to losing this beautiful life.

Tell that to the Mama who sits in every IEP meeting with tears streaming down her face as she hears they didnt reach any of their goals this year.

Tell that to the Mama who hears her child cough and panics alittle and wonders if it will turn to pneumonia again this time.

Tell that to the Mama struggling to pay all the medical bills and wondering if she will every get ahead.

Tell that to the Mama who constantly hears the R word used in a derogatory way and her heart breaks into pieces.

Tell that to the Mama who watches her childs younger sibling walk circles around them and wonders when they will take their first steps.

Tell that to the Mama who walks into the room after their childs heart surgery and sees the machines and tubes and has to remind herself to breathe cause with that first glance her world is crashing down around her.

Tell that to the Mama who believes that words will come, and yet learns sign language in case they do not.

Tell that to the Mama who agonizes over what will happen when she is gone because her child is not able to live independently.

Tell that to the Mama who has fought, and advocated every single day of her childs life.

So no I do not agree with the statement "Down Syndrome isn't hard" cause I think it is.  Some days excruciatingly hard. Its also beautiful even on the hard days. Its also wonderful even when Im completely overwhelmed. Its also magical even on the days I dont quite see it that way.

Down Syndrome is hard, but  its the greatest journey i've ever been on. Even when its Hard I know my little guy is OH SO WORTH IT!!!!!

A new Season

A new Season is coming up for me......

   I accepted a job at Sweetwater High School as a Special Ed and CDC Assistant.  Leaving Tri County Center was extremely hard!!! I have never had such a hard time leaving a job it was truly heartbreaking, but this new opportunity is going to be life changing for our family.  Not to mention being able to enrich the lives of teenagers Ill also have tons more time to spend with Connor. It is just such a  privilege to know I will be able to be with him on all breaks from school. The pros are out of this world. The hard part is saying goodbye to so many I love very much. I will go visit, but it will never be the same as spending those 40 hours a week laughing and growing with them.

   When I started working at TCC three years ago I had no idea what all would happen in those three years. We were in the very beginning steps of our adoption journey when I started and I had no idea that I would be the mother of a adorable little boy with Down Syndrome. I truly believe that God placed me exactly where I needed to be. So that I could grow and learn and not be so afraid. Working side by side with several individuals with Down Syndrome as well as others with intellectual disabilities changed me and I have no doubt in my mind that im a better mother for it. Actually im a better person for it. Im not the same girl who walked in for that interview three years ago, I know I was placed specifically there for a much higher purpose than to make money.

    And now Im beginning again and beginnings are so scary. No one likes going out of there comfort zone because well  its uncomfortable!! However I believe its time for this new season and as much as my heart breaks to move on I know that I am about to grow and change and possibly one day say Im a better person than I was the day I walked into Sweetwater High School.

Please continue to pray for me as I learn my new roles in this new and exciting season.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 

Everyday you change....

   Why do our kiddos have to grow so fast?????  It seems like I blinked and my tiny three year old is a completely different person. Like I put him to bed one night and he woke up grown!

 Jeremy I were talking the other night about how different he is now. The conversation started when he reach for and let our waiter at a restaurant hold him . The man who had been high fiveing Connor everytime he came to our table was happy to hold him for a second. We all smiled and laughed and then when we got in the car to leave I said " Jeremy  remember when he only liked us?" Jeremy said yeah and he screamed and cried when anyone else held him. Those days seem like ages ago, but really it wasnt that long ago and yet my scared, timid boy is anything but that now. He doesnt meet a stranger and his personality will leave you laughing your head off. As much as I miss the days when he clung to me, I love watching him bring happiness to others. I love seeing smiles spread across others faces and knowing he put them there.   I love seeing his relationship with family members and how much love he brings to our family. And most of all I love how our family is a up in your face testimony of Gods faithfullness. I love knowing that our story shows others that even Gods scariest plans are always for our good. I love that we have the privilege of watching this sweet boy change and grow, even if it means that I woke up one day and that shy timid three year old was gone and a spunky, out going five year old remains.

Enjoy every single moment cause they go by so fast!!!!