Hair, decorating. and prayers

  As badly as I wanted to grow my hair out when headaches began to come daily I knew it had to be cut. On Friday I took the leap

   I was in complete shock and even had a mini breakdown, but after a few days I realized I felt great and have had no headaches since!!!!

Did mention that I have also lost 5 pounds and am working hard to continue to lose and become healthier.

  I need to be healthier and continue to grow and learn to be a better mother.
We are still waiting for MA ( to be matched with a baby).

 While we wait we are getting things ready for Connors room. Its so much fun decorating and planning for our bundle of joy.

  We cannot wait to meet our sweet boy and love him for the rest of our lives. Please continue to pray for our adoption. 

Pictures!!

Don't do it. . . . .

Dont do it!!!!  Your making a BIG mistake!!!! Your too young!!! You havent been together long enough!!! Whats the rush???  WHAAT  you just got engaged???!!!

Trust me when I set a date for my wedding I heard it all!! Jeremy and I had been dating for 8 months. Yep thats all just 8 months and the real kicker was during those 8 months we broke up 3 different times, and when we announced our engagement we had only been back together for 3 weeks.

So yep we had not been together long enough, or so we heard.

Then there was our ages I had just turned 19 the month before and Jeremy was 22.We had our whole lives ahead. We hadnt experienced enough. We were only babies.

So yep we were too young, or so they said.

Jeremy asked me to marry him on February  16, 2008. We originally set  our wedding date for August 2008, but it didnt work for a few family members so we said alrighty were moving it up. So we decided on April 19, 2008. We seriously considered elopement a few times, but we made it to our wedding day and were married one pretty day in April.

So yep we  had just got engaged and according to everyone we rushed it, Thats what we were told anyways.


So we didnt have everyones approval and when folks dont agree they sure dont hide their feeling or hurtful words

But let me tell you something about my marriage......

Its the real deal. I dont mean its some honeymoon phase that never ends, or some I love you more, oh no I love you more phenomenon.

I mean its real,  We fight,  we laugh, we argue, we compromise, we  cry (ok mostly me not him).    We do all the things couples do but most importantly we endure.   Even on the most horrible days, when we are so mad at each other we cant stand it, we endure.    We made a vow and those same kids who made that vow still honor it today. Regardless of how long we were together, how long our engagement was, and whether everyone agreed we got married one pretty day in April.

And it one of the BEST decisions we ever made.

Happy 7th Anniversary to my husband (who will never read this.)


Im so glad we had minds of our own and didnt listen when they said dont do it, we would have missed 7 incredible years.

Everyone is beautiful, regardless of color and special needs.

   Do you realize in a few months I could be a mother??!!! Ok so He wont be in my arms yet, but once we receive Matching Approval ( once were matched with a baby ( thats what were waiting on now)) I will officially be a mother. I cannot explain to you the weight that takes off my shoulders!!! I know it should put alot of weight on my shoulders, knowing I am responsible for a life for the rest of mine. Knowing that my little love is so far away and yet He is mine. However the weight it takes off me will be tremendous!! See I cried out for a child for 7 long years. I begged for a baby. I can remember times when no words would even come just sobs, but God heard Hannahs prayer even when her words would not come and I know He heard mine.

Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard.  1 Samuel 1:13

I prayed that I would become pregnant, but it was not until my prayers changed that I got my answer. 

I stopped praying for a pregnancy about 2 years ago and put all my time and energy into praying for a family and just like that God answered.

You make your request but you do not get it, because your request has been wrongly made, desiring the thing only so that you may make use of it for your pleasure. james 4:3

I cannot even express how grateful I am for this gift. How overwhelmed I am that soon I will be able to say yes I am a mother. 

So many pieces I see  now fitting together.  I see how God has worked all things out for my good just like He promises to.

 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

I see his constant reminders that this is his plan and that He is still here seeing us through.  

Some times it comes in the simplest things like one day this week when I saw what this years special olympics tshirts looked like.  I had bought one weeks ago, I didnt really know why I just felt like I should but when I saw them I couldnt help but smile. I knew it was another reminder for me to hold onto His promises cause He would see us through.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. 1 Philippians 1:6

Everyone is beautiful, regardless of color and special needs.

Panic, tragedy, triumph, loss

  Lately I have entered into a season of waiting. Waiting for questions from Hong Kong, waiting on Matching Approval, waiting on answers from grants we applied for, waiting for Connor!!

Dont get me wrong waiting is not easy, but I have been learning and growing into the mother my son will need. I can see myself changing into the woman who will be my sons mothers.

However this past week I entered into another season as well. A season I want nothing but to get out of. A season of panic, tragedy, triumph and loss.

Ever got one of those phone calls "Dont panic" and you know that your world is about to crumble. Thats what happen to me one week ago. With a few simple words I slowly felt myself lose my mind in a sense, as I panicked.

At the same time several of those I know had similar situations.

Then one week later I watched as a dear friend received a phone call that sent  her into sheer panic.  Such tragedy and loss my heart broke for her. My heart is still breaking for her and yet I am also in a state of triumph as Mamaw is home, She is walking and talking.

I cant understand why, why am I in this season?? What do I need to take from it and keep with me??

The truth is I dont have those answers and maybe I never will but I do know that I looked up at my calender today and saw this verse right above the words March

May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way. 2 Thessalonians 3:16

March was a month when I needed peace the  most and I know its no coincidence that this verse was printed on a month that would bring so much panic, tragedy, triumph and loss. 

March 18th, 2015

Every day is not a good day,
 but there is something good in every day.

There are a thousand reasons I want to forget March 18, 2015. There are moments of that day that are sketched in my mind so vividly and I just cant erase them no matter how hard I try.  

I can replay word for word the phone call I received.

I can tell you where I was,what I was doing, and who I was with.

After the phone call all I have are jumbled up here and there memories of what I said and did as panic sunk deeper and deeper into my body.

I can see in my mind each family members face as I walked into the waiting room. 

I remember all the bad, down to every tiny detail.

However I am choosing to find something good about March 18, 2015.

Its hard to find the good, but if we take a deeper look its there.

Maybe its hearing her voice and having a conversation with her.

Maybe its being surrounded by people who all love her as much as we do.

Maybe its the laughter and stories we shared in the waiting room as we nervously talked about anything but what was actually happening.
Maybe its family and how we piled together in cars and took off. How we had each others back and seeing how much we all care deeply for her.
Maybe its knowing how even the slightest difference in where and how things happened could have changed the outcome drastically.
Maybe its knowing those who didnt have to help or be there but stepped in and did what needed to be done.
Maybe its the calm that fell over us as we saw with our own eyes and heard her words flow clearly with our own ears.

Maybe its all these things but the good I choose to find in March 18th 2015 is  That Mamaws still here.

Things may be different, She may not be as independent as before but her heart still beats and that is the good I find in March 18th 2015.

Pass the Potatoes.....

  When my family sits around the table for a meal we sort of do it buffet style, the food is on the table but we normally stand up and get whatever we want, we never were a pass the potatoes kind of family. Still to this day this is how we eat. I still remember the first time eating at my In Laws and the innocent laughter when I stood up and began filling my plate, they are a pass the potatoes kind of family. There is no right way to eat a meal thats not what this story is about, my point is no matter if we are neighbors or live worlds apart we are all different. The truth is most of our differences are as silly as standing up and helping yourself or asking someone to pass your favorite dish to you, yet we fight and bicker and of course assume our way is right. What do I think?? What do I think we should do?? I think we should love one another so much that we should admire our differences, we should rejoice in our individualities.

   I worry way too much about being a "Perfect" mom. I stress over things all moms stress over when to potty train and where to send them to school, and its ok obviously I know that no ones perfect so why do we seek perfection?? Why do we assume that we wont be good enough or arent good enough??  When will it end?? The truth is I have no answer to these questions , maybe when its closer to time to bring Him home I will, or maybe I wont but it wont matter.  It will be  irrelevant whether we teach Connor to say please pass the potatoes or whether he helps himself, it just doesnt matter. What matters is that He knows that Jesus blood can cover any mistake He could ever make, That we make sure He understands that God love will never go away, or give up on Him. What matters is that We love him with everything we have and that with everything we do we point him towards Christ . That we love him for who he is not that we bury our heads in the sand and pretend were exactly the same, but that we see our differences and we rejoice and celebrate them. If we do all this those others things wont matter much and they will just kinda fall into place.

   I remember looking up to women with children who have special needs, those who were a little different, but still amazing no less. I remember telling them on more than one occassion how they were specifically chosen to be their childs mother because God knew they had what it took.   He knew they  would be the "perfect " mom to their child. Now God has chosen me to parent a child that the world will say is far less than perfect, and the truth is im petrified. I worry, I stress, I am a thousand emotions, but what overwhelms me the most is knowing That God thinks I have what it takes. That The King of the Universe saw simple old me and said thats her, She is who I want to be Connors Mother. He sees so much more in me than I could ever see in myself and that overwhelms me.

Hello Busy . . . .

          We have been insanely busy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im talking last week we had somewhere to be every single night!!! Although I am thankful for friends and things we are blessed to be apart of I am TIRED!!!!  Also its has been great as far as waiting on news from Hong Kong, but still Jeremy and I both just need a rest, just a break, a second to catch our breath so to speak. Have you ever been so busy that you feel you cant fully give each task 100%?? Isnt that worse than saying hey I cant do it all and giving up a few responsibilities on your plate?? Whats your opinion??

A Bright Future

  Today I am rejoicing as The Fellowship Church officially has a new home!!! Today papers were signed and we now have a building that is all our own. Words cannot even describe our excitement!!! We are in awe of how far God has brought us in just two short years. From meeting in our pastors home to renting we have been blessed and we are thankful for each step of the road even the hard times with no heat and a water pipe busting leaving our church drenched we are grateful because it all makes this moment so much more meaningful. We still have lots of renovations but we are thankful that we see such a bright future, its not us or anything we have done or will do, its about Christ and how He is working , without Him this all means nothing.

Please continue to pray that God would use this building to bring those who are lost into a meaningful relationship with Him. Pray that we could use the resources God is giving us to point others toward Him. Pray that we would live and love like Jesus!

Adoption Timeline

Adoption is hard, Adoption takes time, Adoption is gonna be totally worth it!!!!!!! Heres a look at our adoption timeline.

April 3 2014 submitted Preliminary Application.

April 6   2014          Submitted formal Application

April 7   2014          announced on facebook so that friends and family could cover us in prayer.

April 10  2014         Talked to  International Intake  Coordinator about our Country options.

April 17    2014       Got the call our Formal Application had been approved.

April 17   2014         Attended information meeting at Agency. Received homestudy paperwork.

April 28    2014        Couples interview for home study.

May 12   2014          individual interviews for home study.

10 training hours complete

June 12 2014              Jeremy dr appt for home study

June 19 2014              Steph Dr appt for home study

July 10     2014          Home Visit for home study

10 more training hours complete

October 9 2014          Home Study complete 

November 7 2014      Home Study approved!!!!

December 8 2014       Fingerprints in Atlanta for USCIS paperwork

December 15 2014      Praying about something huge!!

December 30 2014       USCIS Approval

January 11 2015          God answers something huge

January 12 2015           Dr Appts for Dossier

January 13 2015           Something Huge Unofficially

January 19 2015            TB test for dossier paperwork, getting papers notarized

January 26 2015            Dossier sent to Global Home office

February 4 2015            Dossier sent to Hong Kong

Working on our last 10 training hours and waiting to hear from Hong Kong.

Its been a long hard journey so far, but God has never left us and we are overwhelmed at how He has carried us each step of the way.

Its not ok to say that!

 Imagine this, someone you know comes up to your car window and when you roll it down they say "Can you not have babies??"   First of all let me say that ITS NOT OK TO SAY THAT.  Secondly its none of your business and thirdly how rude can you be!!!!!

 This is peoples mentality, they must have to adopt because they cant have their own bless their hearts, I wonder if its her?? I bet its Him??



I am here to set the record straight ITS NEVER OK TO SAY THAT. Dont ask anyone. Just dont.

Let me say I do not have to adopt. I am blessed because God is allowing me to adopt.
Its humbling when the creator of the universe forms little eyes that are yours and little hands that are your husbands, and you are overwhelmed that He made them just for you and that you get to carry them for nine months. Its an amazing gift and I am not trying to take away from it one bit.
 However I am just as humbled to know that the creator of the universe picked a baby just for me. I didnt give birth to them they were born to another mother maybe they have her eyes and their fathers hands,  I am overwhelmed that I will be the one wiping tears from those eyes and that little hand will be held tightly in my hand. So this gift is just as amazing as having a child grow in my stomach for nine months, and I am not sad!! I am overflowing with joy I am thrilled that I get to adopt and that it is not second choice or option two, but it is the way I will be growing my family. It is Gods plan for me.

Just because I am excited and extremely happy about adopting doesnt mean that you can be insensitive and ask me about having biological children. You dont know my story, you dont know the path I have walked.

I have found that even women who do not want child, women who have their minds made up still want the option. No one wants to think that their body does not work the way it was meant to. Man or woman. So no its not ok to whisper and gossip  about which one it is thats broken.

Its a little different if your family, or if were close friends and we are sitting in a one on one setting, but still be careful and be sensitive. However if I barely know you please do not come nonchalantly up to my car window and  blurt out such a rude and insulting question.

Seriously its never ok to say that!

***True story***

I am His real Mother

 Where is His real Mother????

I am His real Mother.

I will always answer this question this way. Its not because im being smart, its because its true. God picked Him just for me. He knew long before I did about a little boy who would be renamed Connor Malone and He knew I would be his mother, His real Mother.

Obviously He has a biological Mother as well, but that will be His story to tell not mine.

So please dont ask me where my sons real mother is.

A entry from my prayer Journal 24 months later is coming true!!!

                 I never told anyone this  but  when we lived in Montana I knew we were suppose to adopt. I felt it so strongly, I can't explain why, but I just knew. I kept a prayer journal and here is my entry from January 10th, 2013

Dear God,

 I come to you tonight more excited than ever about my future! I have had adoption on my mind lately. I always assumed Jeremy would be dead against it, so as I read The Power of a Praying Wife every night I pray for him. I secretly began praying that if adoption is something you might want us to do that you would open his heart to it. Tonight adoption got brought up and Jeremy said if we cant have our own we will definitely adopt. I was shocked and so was he when I suggested we adopt regardless of whether we can or cant have biological children.  He said we would pray about it and seek your direction. So here I am Lord. I pray that if you want us to adopt you will send us a clear sign that we absolutely cannot push away or shrug off. Make it clear to both of us. God you know my heart and I know you hear every prayer. I pray for a family. It truly doesnt matter to me whether biological or adopted. I know you have a plan. I pray for your guidance and direction and the financial side. I pray for us to have a clear mind and be wise in every decision. I pray God for our future children. If they are adopted I pray for their parents and those who will care for them. Lord if adoption is your plan for us I pray that we will choose the right agency.

It is so overwhelming to know that God was working on my heart 16 months before we ever started the adoption journey. To know that I prayed for so long and this is finally happening.

Not long after writing that prayer I would look at Reeces Rainbow all the time! The mission of Reece’s Rainbow is to advocate and find families for orphans with Down syndrome and other special needs by raising funds for adoption grants and promoting awareness through an online community, media communications, and other events.

I was drawn to the children with down syndrome and I talked to Jeremy about it often. However at the time He did not want to hear about it ( another story for another time haha). I find it so incredibly interesting to know that God was working on my heart way back then. 

   In case you havent heard we have answered the call God has placed on our lives to not only adopt, but to adopt a child with down syndrome. It will not be a easy road, but we know this is the road God has for us. 

So how amazing is our God that 24 months after I prayed that first prayer  Our paperwork is in Hong Kong and we will hopefully be matched with our son soon. Gods ways are perfect and I am so excited about this journey and although its unknown and completely scary I cannot wait to be a mother to my precious son who will happen to rock a extra chromosome. 

Every second has been for Connor

   I have longed to be a mother for almost 7 years. I have prayed for a baby all that time. I have begged, I have sobbed , and I have shed plenty of tears and today it dawned on me that Every second has been for Connor. Every tear has been for him. Long before I knew we were called to adopt, there was a empty spot in our hearts and it could only be filled by him. We werent longing for any baby, we were longing for Connor. We werent praying for our biological child, we were praying for Connor. We obviously had no idea, but it was all for him. Every year, every month, every day, every second , every tear, every prayer it was all for Connor.


        Every second has been for Connor and that makes Gods plan for us so much more overwhelming. To think that God picked a child just for you. That He saw a baby who needed parents and He saw you longing for a child and He had the perfect plan for Two Worlds away to one day collide.



He knew, He always knew that my heart was longing for Connor long before I ever knew.

Every second has been for Connor.

Excited and Anxious about moving forward!!!

   Hey guys!!! First off I wanna apologize for not posting on here lately, its just alot of what is happening right now I cant put on social media :) meaning there is movement in our adoption. I cant post all the details but I will say that we need your prayers. Prayers for funding, prayers for strength, prayers for answers, prayers for our little guy, prayers prayers and more prayers.


We have sent our paperwork to our global branch in Michigan! We have a few things to complete, but our dossier should be sent to Hong Kong very soon. Once it arrives it will be reviewed and somewhere within the next 5 months we should be matched with our sweet Connor!!!!   It is all becoming so real and it can be very scary at the same time, but we are so excited and anxious to welcome our little man into our family it washes most of the fear away.

Thank you for your support and for loving our little man right along with us!!!

He will finish the work He starts.....

I cant even find the words to write!! All I can say is God is FAITHFUL!!! And HE will finish the work He starts!!!!!  I  am also excited to say our dossier has been sent to our global branch in Michigan, but we are waiting on one paper before it can be sent to Hong Kong. Please pray that the paper is turned in soon so we can move on to this next extremely important step!!!

God is good!!!!!

I wish I could

   I wish I could explain to you just how faithful our God is

 I wish I could explain to you how humbling it to know that all the way across the World He chose a child just for you.

  I wish I could show you that He keeps His promises , even when there are times that He feels like He isnt or doesnt

 I wish their was some way to explain all the joy He has brought to my life

  Some way to tell you how good He is to those who put their trust in Him

 How His plans will blow your wildest dreams out of the water and even though His ways arent our ways in the end you realize their so much better than what we had planned.

 A way to put it all together and make you comprehend the goodness of our King even when things are not easy its all for our good.

  I wish I could tell you all these things but I just can't, There arent enough words to express his goodness, faithfulness, or plans for us.

 I wish I could tell you, but I just can't

If there's anybody here who's found Him faithful

Anybody here who knows He's able

Say Amen

If there's anybody here who's seen His power

Anybody here brought through the fire

Say Amen

Anybody here found joy in the middle of sorrow

Just Say AMEN!

200 Envelopes for Baby Malone

   We are starting a new fundraiser!! How it works is we take 200 envelopes and number them 1-200. We ask everyone to pick a envelope and the amount that is written on it is the amount you give to our adoption fund. We need everyone on board to make this fundraiser a success. If we get all envelopes given out and returned with the money we will raise 20K and our adoption will be fully funded!!!!!! Will you help us by simply picking a envelope???

Six words from the enemy

Does the enemy ever lie to you?? I know He does, but all to often we don't realize its a lie or that its from him. I have never shared this with anyone, but tonight I feel a strong tug on my heart strings to share something that the enemy made me believe.

      The enemy lied to me for a very long time and not until this weekend did I realize it. For years I listened to the lie and only now that I am aware of the lies he breathed into my heart do I realize that I have been robbed of so many blessing because of it. Its no secret that Jeremy has a desire to work with youth. He did so in Montana and He  recently (since being on day shift ) has really connected with our Youth group "The Way". I too have felt a urge to dig in and help with this ministry, but felt I couldn't all because of a lie that I now know came straight from the enemy. Even when I did attend the meetings  I felt out of place and like I didn't fit all because of a lie. So I kept my mouth shut even when given the opportunity to speak or share (even when alot of times I felt I should say something) I stayed quiet all  because of a lie I truly believed.

    Over New Years I went with Jeremy to help chaperone the youth at XtremeWinter. Xtreme Winter is a conference for youth. They have concerts, worship, and speakers. I had been before( with another church.) I cannot explain to you what all happen on this trip, but I will say that my heart changed and it was there that I saw the enemys lie come to light. It was there that I realized that I had fallen for something so untrue. It didn't happen during the concert,  while a speaker was speaking, or during alter call. It happened while I was surrounded by the girls of our church youth group. While we shared our darkest secrets. While we poured out things we hide from the world, thats when I knew that this thought that crossed my mind so many times was all a lie.


I am forever changed and I too want to pour my life into people just like me who are falling for these things because they don't realize its all a lie. I wasted so much time, but my prayer is that I wont waste a second longer. That because of my story others will too realize they have been lied to and they wont waste anymore time believing those lies that have held them back for so long.


The lie that I listened to, the lie that I heard everytime I felt a urge to attend a youth group meeting or felt the urge to become more involved was only six short words. Just six tiny words that kept me from saying and doing so many things. Six words that haunted me for so long.

They are six words that I no longer believe, they are six words that I will not allow to hold me back any longer, six words that I discovered this past weekend couldn't be farther from the truth.

"You can't connect with those girls".

   ----Six words from the enemy

News, News, and more News!

     Life is busy!!!! In one day we received three different pieces of news.  The first news I received was that I passed my medication administration class. That was amazing news and a HUGE relief!!!! The class was three days of tons of information and the test was intense. I am so thankful for everyone who prayed for me as I was testing.

    I was on a huge high, but the next news I got was not so great. I found out my sweet Nala needs surgery.

Nala had been limping on and off for a few months, but She never acted as if she were in any pain. Then a few days ago I noticed a rash on her inner thigh of the leg she holds up when she limps.  Off to the vet we went where we discovered that Nalas knee was out of socket. The vet put it back in place several times and each time it immediately popped right back out. So surgery is scheduled for January 16th. The rash was from where she had been licking the area because it hurt so bad, yet she never whined, yelped, or even let on that she was hurting ( besides limping). She is such a trooper and we know that she will pull through just fine.  Until then she is on pain pills and is super loopy!

So I felt drained. I had been very excited and then had that excitement shot down with sadness and dread. Then I opened the mailbox to find a letter form the US citizenship and immigration services,  it stated that we are approved to adopt!!!! This is amazing news and now we can send our paperwork to Hong Kong ( when we finish the paperwork!)  This was the most amazing news of all. This made me realized that everything is going to be ok because God is piecing everything together so perfectly.

Today Jeremy and I are heading to Gatlinburg. Four days with our fellowship family worshiping and hearing the word preached. We will see Rush of Fools, Colton Dixon, Switchfoot, Newsboys,  Matthew West, Mandisa, and many more. We are so excited and cant wait to see how God speaks to us on this trip. 

Please continue to pray for our adoption.  For paperwork, For doctor appointments, For identifying a child, For bringing Him home, and for Gods perfect timing in it all.

Bigger than us, but not bigger than Him.

 I know what your thinking when you see me posting asking for donations or kicking off yet again another fundraiser. Trust me I have heard it all, but the one I hear most often  is " If their going to adopt they should be able to pay for it".   Yep, I said "If their" because these comments aren't usually made to me, only about me.  If your one of those people who feels this way I have two things I want to share with you.
First let me say I wish we could. I wish more than anything that we could fund our adoption with no help. I know maybe it doesn't show, but I do not like asking for money. I feel as though im constantly begging for something and its not easy.

The second thing I wanna share with you is God called us to adopt. Its not something that we thought up one day. It took prayer, lots of prayer and seeking His plan. Sometimes God calls us to do things that are bigger than us. That's what He did when He called us to adopt. God knew it was bigger than us, He knew we couldn't fund it ourselves. Yet He called us anyway.Each time any amount has been due, God has provided it. I dont mean money fell from the sky like manna, but God used people like you. He laid it on folks heart to give and I am so thankful they listened to His still small voice like we did when we stepped out on this journey.


God called us to do something bigger than us, but im thankful that nothings bigger than our God.

Maybe He is calling you to give. Right now we have a tshirt fundraiser going on. Shirts are $15 and we need to sale 43 shirts and we only have 5 days to do it. We need friends, family, and anyone else to step up and make a difference for a orphan, for our son.  I know that this is bigger than us , but its not bigger than God.

Click on the link below to order.
.
https://www.bonfirefunds.com/bringing-home-connor-malone

Merry Christmas Connor

 Connor,

              I woke up this morning and my first thoughts were of you. What did you do this morning?? Where there presents for you?? Did someone scoop you up into their arms and whisper I love you?? I wish I could promise that next Christmas you will have presents and hugs, but I know I cant promise you that. I wish I could say that next Christmas You would wake up to me and your daddy and presents under the tree. The truth is I dont know what next Christmas holds for our family. My hope is that if you cant be home next Christmas, if thats just not in the cards for us I pray that were close. I pray that we will at least know who you are. I pray that we will be getting your room ready and anticipating the most exciting trip of our life.

Merry Christmas to our precious baby boy!!!  We cant wait to meet you!!!

          

Hand in Hand

        Have you every saw God work things out so perfectly in your life and felt everything was going hand in hand with the other? You felt as though you could literally see Him working all things out for your good like He promises He will in Romans 8:28.   That's how I have felt these last few months.

     Most of you all know that our child will have special needs. We won't know exactly what they are, until we are matched with our child. Everyone thinks we are saints for this and wants to praise us and say how they couldn't do it or tell us how awesome  and brave we are.  The truth is we aren't any of those things.  We are fearful, and nervous. We feel unprepared and alone. We worry that we dont have what it takes. As human we wonder why God has called us to this certain task when we feel so unqualified.  The old saying remains true....

   I saw a job in the paper on the very beginning of October. I went in and applied and got the job. I was excited for a new opportunity and to be honest the chance to better our family financially. I had no idea it would be one of those hand in hand moments.  My job has taught me a million things already in the short three months I have been there, and although I have millions more things to learn it has helped me feel more ready. It has helped me take a deep breath and whisper 2 Timothy 1:7 on those days when I feel scared and unqualified. On those days when I wonder if I have what it takes to parent a child with special needs.

  When I walked into Tri County Center on October 6th 2014 God smiled down knowing that He was working all things out for my good and knowing that I still had no idea yet.  He knew I would find out my strengths and weaknesses and He knew that my heart would change and I would grow into the woman He always knew I could be. The woman who would eventually be a mother to a child She never believed she could be a good mother too. God smiled because He knew I could.

***( I want to add that I work with adults not children but Connor will be a adult one day too and thats what I mean, This post was not meant to offend or upset anyone in anyway.)

I dont wanna miss a second. . . .

So I asked for everyone to pray for a unspoken a couple weeks ago. I know that so many covered me in prayers and sure enough just a few days later I got the amazing news. I would be switching to day shift. Most everyone knows Jeremy got put on day shift a few months ago. So to be on the same shift is an amazing blessing. Our schedules were so opposite that we did not see one another. Long story short the opportunity for days was at my fingertips but was not up to me, so I asked for prayers and as always God answered.


   With adoption you have to have a plan. Yep, We are still at least a year out from bringing our little man home ( we arent even matched with a little man yet) but still we have filled out tons of paperwork about our arrangements for him when we are working and what a typical day will be like for him. It is the strangest thing to type out step by step what my sons day will be like especially with so much unknown ahead, but you do what you gotta do and move forward. So with both of us working days we knew we would need a sitter ( I know what your thinking sure we are still so far away from bringing him home we will have plenty of time to plan and make arrangements for all that later. That is where the adoption twist comes in and where that statement is so wrong. We have to have a plan. We will need to give specific information about our child care arrangement. So I had not thought too much about it because I was still on a high from "OH MY IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING" when a friend of ours shared the news that she was looking to start babysitting. My heart literally skipped a beat. This Momma is gonna be picky I will go ahead and admit, not picky like no ones holding my son, but picky  as far as leaving him in someone elses care I will background check you, I will facebook stalk you, and I have probably already looked at your instagram photos. I mean seriously you can trust no one now a days. So when this literally happened within days of finding out I would be starting days soon I knew it was a good thing. I mean we all go to church together and I feel comfortable. Which is HUGE!! God literally worked out every single detail. I am just overwhelmed at how He loves and works out everything in my life.


One thing that I am so excited about is being home as a family at night. I know that some moms will say I wouldnt mind not being there for the bedtime tantrums, or the bedtime stories that never end, but how would you feel if five nights a week you werent there. You got home after your little one was sound asleep and you missed out on it all. Thats why days is so important. Thats why I am so overwhelmed. Ill take the tantrums, and ill read story after story until He falls asleep. I have already missed so much and once hes home I wanna be the one tucking him in and snuggling up for nighttime cuddles after a long day. I cannot wait to come up with our own bedtime rituals, and I dont wanna miss a second.

Sweet Molly

      When we lived in Montana we rescued a dog from the animal shelter named Molly. She was the sweetest dog. She was gentle and yet very playful. What I loved the absolute most was her love for kids.

 Or maybe She just tolerated them

Regardless I never had to worry because  She was so sweet.

For almost two years Molly was my shadow. She was my girl. I remember sitting with her and crying because I missed my family or just had a bad day and she would snuggle up a little closer to me as if to say its all gonna be ok.

 She was always there up for whatever and life was never dull or boring with her around.

Our plan was to take her with us to Tennessee, but in  the end that didnt quite work out the way we had planned. We ended up giving her to our friends Big J and Cameron Downing. Which was a absolutely perfect home for her since they have 5 kids.

 She hadnt lived with them but a few weeks when  we went over and the kids had already taught Molly to roll over. My heart was sure that we had done the right thing although it was hard I know she was meant to be with them.

I visited in February (2014) and Molly was doing awesome it was so good to see her so happy and full of life.


We received a phone call today that Molly had passed away. Such a sad feeling came over us. Our hearts are broken for the Downing Family. We are hurting for them, for the kids, but we are also mourning the loss of a special someone who was once our shadow, who was once our girl, who was once our dog.  Tonight our hearts are heavy as we remember what a special dog she was. We will never forget our time with sweet Molly.

Needing your prayers

 Hey guys I have a huge prayer request. We will be starting on our Dossier (is a collection of documents that represent your family to the adoption authorities in country)  soon. We need this covered in prayer. I know that this seems like no big deal, but trust me its tough. Everything must be perfect and match perfectly.  As far as financial paperwork all the way down to how we sign our name. Its so crucial that we send these documents right the first time to prevent any time delays and hold ups. Our instinct is to hurry up and finish and although we ask you please pray we can finish in a timely fashion, we also ask that you pray we would take a deep breath and relax and take our time. This is the last HUGE step in our process, This paperwork is how they match you with your child. It will be some of the most important paperwork of our life. Please pray and lift it up in your prayers daily. Also pray for funding.

Thank you for your continued support.

We didnt choose them.....God did.

     When we received our home study packet and let me assure you it was a PACKET!!! I faced it head on. Most of the basic info paperwork I flew through, but when I got to this piece of paper my heart sank.  Legal Guardians.  I know what your thinking whats to think about , right? Either my parents or his parents. After prayer and discussion we didnt feel either was the right decision. Nothing against them or the way either of us were parented. We both had great childhoods and have wonderful parents, but we both knew they were not a fit for legal guardianship of our son. However we had no idea who was a fit. We prayed and prayed and I cried . . . .alot. Its the strangest thing to make plans for where your  baby would end up should something happen to you and your husband. Especially when you have never raised him yourself  and yet your suppose to pick who would raise him should you be gone. We decided to save that until last and in the meantime moved on to other paperwork. Finally the day came that we were almost done with everything else and we could no longer put this off. We prayed and still didnt feel we had any answers. Finally one night I begged God to show me who was a fit? Who could love our son and raise him? Who would treat him like their very own? Who would allow our families to still play a huge part in his life?

         I woke up one morning and I knew. I had a couple that literally just popped into my head ( not really I know that God put them there). I was in the kitchen and I said Jeremiah and Carrie. Jeremy looked at me like I was crazy and after a few moments of silence I said Legal Guardians?? Jeremy immediately said Yes!! Why did we not think of them before?!  

 I mean they were perfect. They love God, they love each other,  they love their baby, they love kids. They are active in their church. They would let our families see our son whenever.

So we dropped the bombshell on them and asked them to pray about it.
We prayed, they prayed, and God answered.

Even though they know our son will have special needs, and even though they have one son already and plan to have a big family in the future. They said yes.

From the day we announced our plan top adopt. Carrie was there cheering us on. She was so excited. Even when everyone else either acted like we were crazy or like they didnt believe us , she was what got me through. Her excitement and encouragement helped me more than I could ever say.  And although I dont wanna think about anyone else being my Babys Mama , Im ok thinking about it as long as its her.

I pray that they never have to step up and raise our son. I pray that we are always around to love and raise him ourselves, but I have peace in knowing that if im not here He will be ok. Because we didnt pick his God Parents.....God did.

Connors God parents :) and God Brother Oliver 

Im pretty sure they already love my baby  :)

Revealing my Sons name :)

      For 6 months Jeremy and I kept a secret. Something just the two of us shared. The name we had chosen for our first son. For months we called him Baby C.  Finally the waiting was over and it was time to reveal the name we had fallen in love with, but first we told our family.

My parents finding out Baby Cs name

Baby Cs God parents finding out Baby Cs name

Jeremys parents finding out Baby Cs name

Uncle Joe and Aunt Tiff finding out Baby  Cs name

 Next  we let you guess and everyone had some good guesses and a few of you were right :)

Christian
Caleb
Caden
Carter
Chase
Cullen
Casey
Canyon
Cameron
Christopher
Calvin
Collin
Carson
Colton
Canaan
Carty
Cletus
Ceasar
Corbin
Clay
Charles
Connor

Our Sons name will be Connor!!!!