Three Words

   Next two steps complete!!!

We sent our I-800 to the USCIS ( United States Citizenship  and Immigration services). It should have arrived yesterday!!! Please pray that it is approved and can be sent onto Hong Kong and approved there too. We also sent Connors first care package!!!! EEEEKKKK im really really excited about this. We were required to make a photobook of our family and  video introducing ourselves and showing Connor his room. We kept our photo book very simple since Connor is so young. In our video we showed Connor his room bed, toys, clothes the whole nine yards. Jeremy played my great grandpas guitar and we sang Deep and Wide ( with hand motions), Old Macdonald, and You are My Sunshine. We sent toys along also, today that package is on its way and I am so excited and cannot wait for him to get his things and catch a tiny glimpse of who we are, and how much we love him!!! Although I doubt He will understand any of it, I know He will love the toys!!! haha.

Now that we are caught up the next step is to wait. I know this sounds horrible and it is hard at times however his journey so far has been rush rush rush , finish this , fill out that, and now its all done and I cant even believe it!!

I cant even tell you all the ways Gods fingerprints have been on this journey from day one, I cant explain to you how he has carried us through, and I myself cannot grasp the ways he has worked miracle over and over.

Jeremy and I finally have the family we have prayed so long for and only three words can do justice and explain our adoption journey......

GOD is FAITHFUL!!!!

The little face I saw so many times for over a year.....

Now that we have given it a few days to let the shock wear off I would like to tell you the story of our son.

When we started the adoption process after signing a contract with our agency we were then allowed to see a waiting list of chidren.

Most everyone knows the story of how we felt God leading us to pick Hong Kong as the country we adopt from. You can read that post by clicking here.

We looked on the waitng list, we looked deeply into the eyes of each child and wondered if he or she was ours. In the meantime we were working on paperwork and doing all the things we needed to in order to move forward in the adoption process.

I rememeber him, from the very beginning. I looked at his picture and smiled, but  he couldnt be my baby because he has Down syndrome. I prayed he would find a family that would love him unconditionally. Each time I got on the waiting list I would see children who were no longer there and I felt such joy knowing that meant they had been matched with familes, but each time my heart sank because he was still there.

Time went on and God began changing our hearts. One day our agency sent us a child study (information about a waitng child) on a little boy with Down Syndrome. We said we would pray about it and our social worker told us their was another child who had been waitng a very long time and she asked if we would be interested in seeing his child study. We discussed it and said yes we would take a look at it. Oh the shock when I opened the child study and saw the familiar face smiling back at me.  In the moment something clicked and I knew he was our son.

However we continued to pray and seek Gods will before making any hasty decsions. About 6 weeks later we spoke with our social worker about moving forward with this little boy.

We were asked tons and tons of questions. We waited and waited. Then one day after 23 weeks and 1 day MA came (matching approval).

Turns out that little face I saw so many times over the past year will be the little face I see each morning and tuck in every night.

Our God is so amazing and his timing is truly perfect. Please continue to pray as we work on paperwork and wait to hear that we can bring him home. 

God is faithful....

 Our God is so faithful. When we started our adoption Journey 15 months ago we had no idea what we were in for. They tell you its a roller coaster ride, that the waiting is at times literally painful, that there will be times you cry your eyes out.  Of course I just listened and smiled politely. 15 months later I know all to well what they meant. I have felt such victory and felt so much excitement and anticipation and  also I have felt drained, and unsure. I have cried my eyes out plenty of times. I have wondered if we are just flat out crazy.

Things have certainly not went as planned.

Application to Agency -we were suppose to hear if they accepted us within a few weeks
We waited much longer turns out someone  who had to approve it was on vacation.

Home study- we were suppose to hear within 2-4 if we were approved.
Our total time was 5 months.

Then we found who we thought was our sweet baby, we answered questions for weeks and a few months later found out another family had been chosen for him. We were heart broken but we continued pressing forward and believing God had a plan.

God definitely did!!

I had looked at another babys profile (on the waiting list) countless times. I had even prayed he would find a family who would love him.

One day it clicked and I just knew that He was ours.

We requested to adopt him and immediately found out he was on "Hold" for our family. ( Meaning no one internationally could adopt him, but someone could adopt him domestically.)

Next we waited to hear if we had been matched with this baby, meaning they approved our request to adopt him and He was 100% for sure  our baby.

Normal wait time is 2-4 months and we were told that you normally hear within the 3rd or 4th month.

 In the meantime I applied for adoption grants and we were approved for each one we applied for. I sent a picture of the baby I was that certain that He was ours. I joke that my kid is a looker ;) and thats why we got all the grants.

Of course I know its because we cried out to God and He heard our cries.

We did not have the money to fund our adoption, but I stand here today being able to say its fully funded. Thats because my God is amazing!!!

The wait was so hard, I worried, I cried, I stressed, but what I did without ceasing was pray.

God heard my cries yet again.

23 weeks and one day later I found out that beautiful baby  is indeed  Connor T. Malone.

7 years praying that God would give us a child.
15 months into our adoption journey.
I have a son.

And I dont care that nothing went as planned and how horrible the wait was because regardless of how it happened, It happened and I am overwhelmed at our Gods faithfulness.

My son is a beautiful, rambunctious two year old who happens to have down syndrome and I am so incredibly blessed to be his mama.

Just dropping in.....

Hello world......

   I just got finished mowing and weedeating our yard and let me just say I am soaking wet from sweat, ugh why does it have to be SOOOO hot and humid.

   Anyway nothing new to report just thought I would drop in and say hello.

They say no news is good news but I hope to report some really good news soon!!!

Breaking my silence....

I know this post will raise alot of eyebrows and possibly cause some ruffled feathers however that is not my intent at all. See for the most part I keep my opinions to myself and the reason for that is so not to cause unneeded drama, hurt feelings, and most importantly to avoid confrontation. Because of this you wont see many of my opinions on facebook. However Im breaking my silence....


        The tragedy that happened this week in Chattanooga Tennessee is heartbreaking. When I got the news I was shaken and my heart crumbled for those who lost loved ones over something so senseless and  mind boggling. ( If you have no idea what im talking about, feel free to google.)


In the mist of this we are all broken and heavy hearted however I would like to express my opinion on a couple other things that leave my saddened. As If it werent bad enough that men who fight for our lives were brutally murdered for no other reason than someones meanness, others too are spreading hate.

How about this comment that I have heard numerous times " He looked like a terrorist."  Talk about a hate filled comment. It breaks my heart that we are so quick to judge based solely on someones looks before we even talk or get to know the person. I am in no means defending the person who committed the terrible crimes, however for us to judge someone based on there looks is saddening to me.

Placing ALL Muslims in a category as terrorist is wrong. What happen to loving one another didnt Christ command this?? Did he say everyone but those who look different, or believe different??

One thing you will not see from me is His picture. I will not share a article that shows his face. I feel very passionate about this, in my opinion we have it all wrong. A shooter takes innocent lives and we post his picture everywhere news, facebook, twitter, He is everywhere. My opinion is thats exactly what He wanted, I believe He knew this all would end with him being dead, but that his name would be kept alive through what he did and he would in a sense be famous after all no doubt that anyone living in or near Tennessee could be shown his picture and know instantly who he was and what He did.

However Heros were killed and although there pictures are now surfacing His is still the main focus and that is what deeply saddens me.

These are the ones whose pictures we should be sharing.....

 My prayers are with the families of those who lost loved ones. Those who were greatly affected by the tragic acts of July 16, 2015.

In awe of our great God, June 24th ,2015...

Most everyone knows my Mamaw had heart surgery a few weeks ago to replace one of the valves in her heart. Whats ironic is something I said in a post I wrote about her having a stroke in march. We didnt know at the time, but the stroke happend because of the valve not workin correctly in her heart. This is a sentence taken straight from the post I wrote back in March....

"Her heart still beats and that is the good I find in March 18th 2015."

You can read the whole post here


So crazy that just three short months later they put Mamaw to sleep stopped her lungs and heart and operated on her heart. To hear the doctors explain the procedure all I could think is this cannot be happening. My heart refused to believe that my sweet Mamaw would have here heart stopped for a second little on while they performed surgery. We were warned by numerous nurses and doctors about how She would look that first night in recovery. We were told that she would be on a ventilator and She would not be awake, They explaned that she would have LOTS of tubes and machines hooked up to her. When we went in that night we surrounded her bed and we were allowed to ask her nurse any questions we had. We asked ALOT of questions. We glanced nervously at each other and at her. What we didnt do and I am super proud of us all for this is we did not fall apart. It wasnt because we didnt want to, because no matter how tough we may pretend to be when we laid our eyes on her in those first moments our worlds crash down. There was that horrible feeling in the pit of our stomachs and it didnt go away. What helped is we were prepared and I will forever be grateful to Memorial Hospital in Chattanooga Tn for that. There nurses and doctors were amazing and went above and beyond for Mamaw. 
   Mamaw did amazing and we were told her heart went back into normal rhythm and stayed that way. She had no trouble. Her heart and lungs worked on their own after surgery and  the next morning she was sitting up in bed eating a popcicle when we got there. 

She can already tell a difference in how she feels compared to how tired and weak she felt before surgery. It is pretty much amazing to see her transformation. We are thrilled with how well she has done through it all , but mostly when we think back to June 24th 2015 and see her now,

We are in awe of our great God....

14 Days after heart surgery.

Because What Matters is Connor

Hey Guys!! Nothing new to report about the adoption, but I can tell you this Mamas heart is changing. So I'll just jump right into it. At first I worried and stressed over my childs diagnosis. In plain english I thought about Down Syndrome...ALOT. I stressed over his development and intellectual abilities. Not because   I needed him to be what the world sees as "perfect", but just out of fear of what life will hold. What challenges we will face. However as I said earlier this Mamas heart is changing. I already LOVE my child. I really do. I pray for him daily and when I pray I ask God to make him the person He wants him to be. No matter what that looks like, no matter what challenges lie ahead. I no longer think about Down Syndrome much not because I want to hide his diagnosis, but because my son will be so much more. I think about challenges still, challenges of being a first time parent, of raising a son. I no longer live in wonder and fear. I prayed for God to take the fear away and God did. I am in awe of how God is changing me through this adoption journey. He has shown me how perfect his strength is when my strength is gone. At times He has carried me through this adoption, because I felt I couldnt walk another step. Now here we are with our adoption funded, and waiting to hear if the baby were pursuing is indeed our Connor. His bedroom is ready, His Photo book is made and ready for me to click buy, and this Mama has never been more ready to hear he is yours.

7 Years praying for a family

15 months on this adoption journey 

and as crazy as this will sound now I get it, 

all the months of disappointment and every negative pregnancy test , It all no longer matter.

Because what matter is Connor.

Im overwhelmed by you!

           I pray daily for the funding of our adoption. I worry, I stress, I struggle but through it all God has been faithful. I cant eplain to you how thrilled we were once we were to the point where you can apply for grants. Up until that point we sold tshirts, had a yard sale, a sweet friend made and sold cupcakes, and mostly to be honest we just begged.  I spent hours upon hours applying for grants.  Most of you know we received a Matching Grant from Lifesong meaning we raise $3000 and they will give us $3000 making a grand total of $6000 for our adoption. So today I find out we have actually exceed the goal we have raised $3429!!! To God be the glory! We also found out a few weeks back that we received a grant of $5000 from Show Hope. We also have around $2000 in our adoption bank account. What im getting at is we only need about $2000 to completely fund our adoption. How great is our God!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no words for the relief and thankfulness that I   feel.

In a week feeled with more bad news that I thought I could handle I prayed for God to show me the good and He did.

Lots and Lots of LOVE

I have tried to envision it, arriving in Hong Kong meeting my son, the long flight home with a baby who has just been taken from the only arms He has ever known and thrown into ours in a sense, the airport party where im certain there will be friends and family, balloons, signs, and tons of hugs as our sweet Connor is finally home.  Trust me I daydream about it often but lately I have been envisioning something different.....

   Lately my thoughts are on life after the party so to speak. When he is home and comfortable, when  therapy has began, and Jeremy and I are settling into our role as new parents.  The hard part is I dont quite know what that looks like. I have rode on a plane, I have seen other families airport welcome homes parties the balloons, the signs, the tears, but life as a mommy I dont know what that looks like. Ok I have friends who are amazing parents so I know what their lives look like with their kids, but me as a mom, Jeremy as a dad, a family of three thats all completely unknown.

Whats therapy going to be like, will he cry, will it break my heart. Will he like taking a bath or will it be a fight every night?? Will I be too lenient?? Will I be too tough??  Will that natural instinct kick in that everyone talks about?? What if it doesnt?? What if I dont know what to do??

Jeremy and I married very young. We have grown up together in our marriage, its been just us for 7 years. Whats it going to be like to add our little man into the mix??

The truth is I feel like I have no answers and as a planner this makes me crazy. However, I know God will work all things out for our good.

Will it be tough, absolutely! Life is not always a cake walk.  Therapy will be hard, chances are even if he tolerates it he wont really like it. It will be worth all the tears it brings to see him enhance and be able to do new things.  Bathing is part of life and once we get into a routine He will realize its not worth a fight and he wont cry and hate them forever.  If  those mommy instincts should happen to not kick in I have countless friends and family there 24/7 for support.   Our marriage will change its inevitable but we will put God first and always make each other a priority  . We will survive the being stretched thin and the bumps along the rode as we jump on the parenthood train.  As I envision our life after the party I see nothing but happiness, more joy than my heart can hold and love, Lots and lots of love.

Waiting is our new normal.....

     Sorry its been so long, Not much going on lately just the hustle and bustle of life. We are currently still waiting for MA ( to be matched with our son.) its been 16 weeks of waiting for MA and while this may seem nerve racking to some, its become life for us.

        Every morning when my alarm goes off I wake up and wonder could this be the day? Is this the day I hear that we have been matched, The day I have been longing for, the day it finally sinks in that this picture I have carried around for 4 months is a picture of my beautiful little boy. I go about my day and try my hardest to focus on work when really I want to run and turn my phone on to see if I have a email or voicemail from our agency. When the day is over and at last I hit the power button on that phone, I feel my heart skip a beat as I hear email after email pour in, then my heart sinks only to discover that the message has not come. I look at the clock and assure myself that it could still come in, theres another hour of office time left. Then as five oclock comes I realize that today was not the day and tomorrow I will do this all over again. Who said waiting was easy.

       However I know God is refining us as we wait, and I no longer think like the woman I was 14 months ago. Thats when I realize God is using every second to shape us into the parents He wants us to be. It sounds crazy to say im cool with all the waiting, but really I do wanna be better, more educated, and just as ready as I can be for this boy who already has my whole heart.

        We are preparing and dreaming of the day we become matched and can begin on paperwork to actual bring our handsome feller home, but until then we soaking up our time as a family of two and longing for the day we bring home our third member.

Mothers Day 2015

Last Mothers  Day we had just started our adoption journey a few weeks prior, but still I felt so much hope and excitement in knowing God was gonna allow me to be a Mama.

Mothers Day 2014 (1st year celebrating!!)


Look at that smile, I was over the moon happy knowing I could finally celebrate that day as a Mother myself..

Although this year my arms are still empty , Let me assure you my heart has never been so full. I know that there is a little boy in Hong Kong who is my son.
I know I will love him and cherish him forever.
I know that someday my arms wont be empty anymore and the paperwork will stop.
It will be us, a family of three and I will look back and laugh at how full I thought my heart was then (now).





Happy Mothers day to all the mothers out there. Always know that however motherhood comes it is a absolute miracle.








I am thankful for my sweet Momma!!!

Who has shaped me into the Woman I am today.

Ever Calling God has placed on my life She has never questioned and has been my support through every twist and turn life has thrown us.

She has been my rock through out this adoption journey.

From the moment I told her we had been called to adopt She has never stopped believing in us. She has never had a negative word to say (except this is taking too long haha). 

So thankful to call her my Momma and cannot wait to call her LaLa :)

 After 6 months Revealing Baby Cs name!

He is not........

He is sweet
He is adorable
He is energetic
He is a typical toddler
He is a thousand different things but one thing he is not....
He is not Down Syndrome.
He has been diagnosised with down syndrome but that is not who he is.  His diagnosis does not define him. Think about that before you say he is down syndrome.

Lifesong Adoption Matching Grant

May 5, 2015

Dear Friends and Family

Most of you have heard the exciting news that God has called us to adopt and we will be welcoming a little boy into our family soon. We are happy to tell you that God has really been doing a work in and through our adoption. We have completed all steps prior to being matched with a baby and are now waiting to be matched. We are pursuing a two year old boy from Hong Kong who has been diagnoisised with Down Syndrome. We are anxiously awaiting to hear back and become officially matched meaning we can begin to work on bringing this little boy who we will name Connor home to his forever family.

Adoption does not go without cost, our adoption will cost somewhere between $16,734- $23,534. This is bigger than anything we can do, but its not bigger than our God. Through Him we have already paid $8,400 toward that cost. We are so overwhelmed and grateful for all God has done and is going to do in and through our adoption. One way you can help is to pray. We ask you to pray for our adoption, for funding, and for Connor. Another way to help is by offering your financial support we need to raise $15,134. LifeSong for Orphans has committed an Adoption Matching Grant of $3000 funded by Coppola to help pay our adoption expenses. Would you consider making a tax-deductible dontation to help us meet this matching grant and cover the remaining $15,100 adoption expenses to bring Connor home? Our Goal date is July 15, 2015, but funds will be accepted towards our adoption until the child is home and/or our adoption is complete.

Please make checks payable to "Lifesong for Orphans." In the memo note " Family account number and "family name" (Malone/#5178) to assure it goes to the correct account. Please mail to Lifesong Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL 61744. Life song has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all U.S, administratice and fund-raising cost ( TMG Foundation and other partners). That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the adoption.

Another option is to give online, Go to www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate Select "Give to an adoptive family." Complete the online form and fill in "Family account number" and "Family name" feilds.

In following the IRS guidelines, your donation is to the names non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor's suggested use. Individuals donations of $250 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $250 will gladly be sent upon request. Lifesong is a 501 (c)3 tax exempt organization.

Thank you so much for your prayers and your finanical support throughout this incredible journey God has led us on.

Jeremy and Stephanie Malone

Preparing for Connor.....

I know that people wonder why were getting so ready for a baby boy will more than likely not come home until next year. However those folks just dont understand, just as a pregnant woman throughout her pregnancy buys and plans, we to know our baby is coming we just happen to not have a date, but how can we not prepare for our child. Who has been prayed for, hoped for, and longed for for many many years. So yes we prepare because we are so excited that God is allowing our family to grow. 

Connors room is pretty much done :)

He has a crib with Batman bedding of course. 

We recently added Connors name above his bed. It is gray and blue to match his bedding.

He has a batman toy boy that his LaLa bought him and toys donated from a sweet family whose boys had outgrown them.

He also has some clothes. They were mostly donated and I have bought a few things. 

He has plenty of books that his Momma cannot wait to read to him.

Also in his room you will find this prayer board, (made by a sweet friend from our church). All the things were praying for him are on this board.

We also have a stroller, and a carseat all given to us by families who no longer needed them. I would say were very blessed and things are coming along well. We are still waiting to be matched, but have been receiving questions which is very good. We are excited to know that soon we will officially be parents although we know in our hearts that we already are, it will  be so amazing to have a picture and to see that little face and know that he is our Connor and we are working hard to go get him and bring Him home.

Please continue to pray for our adoption, and for the funding of our adoption.
If you would like to donate you can do so at by clicking here.

Hair, decorating. and prayers

  As badly as I wanted to grow my hair out when headaches began to come daily I knew it had to be cut. On Friday I took the leap

   I was in complete shock and even had a mini breakdown, but after a few days I realized I felt great and have had no headaches since!!!!

Did mention that I have also lost 5 pounds and am working hard to continue to lose and become healthier.

  I need to be healthier and continue to grow and learn to be a better mother.
We are still waiting for MA ( to be matched with a baby).

 While we wait we are getting things ready for Connors room. Its so much fun decorating and planning for our bundle of joy.

  We cannot wait to meet our sweet boy and love him for the rest of our lives. Please continue to pray for our adoption. 

Pictures!!

Don't do it. . . . .

Dont do it!!!!  Your making a BIG mistake!!!! Your too young!!! You havent been together long enough!!! Whats the rush???  WHAAT  you just got engaged???!!!

Trust me when I set a date for my wedding I heard it all!! Jeremy and I had been dating for 8 months. Yep thats all just 8 months and the real kicker was during those 8 months we broke up 3 different times, and when we announced our engagement we had only been back together for 3 weeks.

So yep we had not been together long enough, or so we heard.

Then there was our ages I had just turned 19 the month before and Jeremy was 22.We had our whole lives ahead. We hadnt experienced enough. We were only babies.

So yep we were too young, or so they said.

Jeremy asked me to marry him on February  16, 2008. We originally set  our wedding date for August 2008, but it didnt work for a few family members so we said alrighty were moving it up. So we decided on April 19, 2008. We seriously considered elopement a few times, but we made it to our wedding day and were married one pretty day in April.

So yep we  had just got engaged and according to everyone we rushed it, Thats what we were told anyways.


So we didnt have everyones approval and when folks dont agree they sure dont hide their feeling or hurtful words

But let me tell you something about my marriage......

Its the real deal. I dont mean its some honeymoon phase that never ends, or some I love you more, oh no I love you more phenomenon.

I mean its real,  We fight,  we laugh, we argue, we compromise, we  cry (ok mostly me not him).    We do all the things couples do but most importantly we endure.   Even on the most horrible days, when we are so mad at each other we cant stand it, we endure.    We made a vow and those same kids who made that vow still honor it today. Regardless of how long we were together, how long our engagement was, and whether everyone agreed we got married one pretty day in April.

And it one of the BEST decisions we ever made.

Happy 7th Anniversary to my husband (who will never read this.)


Im so glad we had minds of our own and didnt listen when they said dont do it, we would have missed 7 incredible years.

Everyone is beautiful, regardless of color and special needs.

   Do you realize in a few months I could be a mother??!!! Ok so He wont be in my arms yet, but once we receive Matching Approval ( once were matched with a baby ( thats what were waiting on now)) I will officially be a mother. I cannot explain to you the weight that takes off my shoulders!!! I know it should put alot of weight on my shoulders, knowing I am responsible for a life for the rest of mine. Knowing that my little love is so far away and yet He is mine. However the weight it takes off me will be tremendous!! See I cried out for a child for 7 long years. I begged for a baby. I can remember times when no words would even come just sobs, but God heard Hannahs prayer even when her words would not come and I know He heard mine.

Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard.  1 Samuel 1:13

I prayed that I would become pregnant, but it was not until my prayers changed that I got my answer. 

I stopped praying for a pregnancy about 2 years ago and put all my time and energy into praying for a family and just like that God answered.

You make your request but you do not get it, because your request has been wrongly made, desiring the thing only so that you may make use of it for your pleasure. james 4:3

I cannot even express how grateful I am for this gift. How overwhelmed I am that soon I will be able to say yes I am a mother. 

So many pieces I see  now fitting together.  I see how God has worked all things out for my good just like He promises to.

 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

I see his constant reminders that this is his plan and that He is still here seeing us through.  

Some times it comes in the simplest things like one day this week when I saw what this years special olympics tshirts looked like.  I had bought one weeks ago, I didnt really know why I just felt like I should but when I saw them I couldnt help but smile. I knew it was another reminder for me to hold onto His promises cause He would see us through.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. 1 Philippians 1:6

Everyone is beautiful, regardless of color and special needs.

Panic, tragedy, triumph, loss

  Lately I have entered into a season of waiting. Waiting for questions from Hong Kong, waiting on Matching Approval, waiting on answers from grants we applied for, waiting for Connor!!

Dont get me wrong waiting is not easy, but I have been learning and growing into the mother my son will need. I can see myself changing into the woman who will be my sons mothers.

However this past week I entered into another season as well. A season I want nothing but to get out of. A season of panic, tragedy, triumph and loss.

Ever got one of those phone calls "Dont panic" and you know that your world is about to crumble. Thats what happen to me one week ago. With a few simple words I slowly felt myself lose my mind in a sense, as I panicked.

At the same time several of those I know had similar situations.

Then one week later I watched as a dear friend received a phone call that sent  her into sheer panic.  Such tragedy and loss my heart broke for her. My heart is still breaking for her and yet I am also in a state of triumph as Mamaw is home, She is walking and talking.

I cant understand why, why am I in this season?? What do I need to take from it and keep with me??

The truth is I dont have those answers and maybe I never will but I do know that I looked up at my calender today and saw this verse right above the words March

May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way. 2 Thessalonians 3:16

March was a month when I needed peace the  most and I know its no coincidence that this verse was printed on a month that would bring so much panic, tragedy, triumph and loss. 

March 18th, 2015

Every day is not a good day,
 but there is something good in every day.

There are a thousand reasons I want to forget March 18, 2015. There are moments of that day that are sketched in my mind so vividly and I just cant erase them no matter how hard I try.  

I can replay word for word the phone call I received.

I can tell you where I was,what I was doing, and who I was with.

After the phone call all I have are jumbled up here and there memories of what I said and did as panic sunk deeper and deeper into my body.

I can see in my mind each family members face as I walked into the waiting room. 

I remember all the bad, down to every tiny detail.

However I am choosing to find something good about March 18, 2015.

Its hard to find the good, but if we take a deeper look its there.

Maybe its hearing her voice and having a conversation with her.

Maybe its being surrounded by people who all love her as much as we do.

Maybe its the laughter and stories we shared in the waiting room as we nervously talked about anything but what was actually happening.
Maybe its family and how we piled together in cars and took off. How we had each others back and seeing how much we all care deeply for her.
Maybe its knowing how even the slightest difference in where and how things happened could have changed the outcome drastically.
Maybe its knowing those who didnt have to help or be there but stepped in and did what needed to be done.
Maybe its the calm that fell over us as we saw with our own eyes and heard her words flow clearly with our own ears.

Maybe its all these things but the good I choose to find in March 18th 2015 is  That Mamaws still here.

Things may be different, She may not be as independent as before but her heart still beats and that is the good I find in March 18th 2015.

Pass the Potatoes.....

  When my family sits around the table for a meal we sort of do it buffet style, the food is on the table but we normally stand up and get whatever we want, we never were a pass the potatoes kind of family. Still to this day this is how we eat. I still remember the first time eating at my In Laws and the innocent laughter when I stood up and began filling my plate, they are a pass the potatoes kind of family. There is no right way to eat a meal thats not what this story is about, my point is no matter if we are neighbors or live worlds apart we are all different. The truth is most of our differences are as silly as standing up and helping yourself or asking someone to pass your favorite dish to you, yet we fight and bicker and of course assume our way is right. What do I think?? What do I think we should do?? I think we should love one another so much that we should admire our differences, we should rejoice in our individualities.

   I worry way too much about being a "Perfect" mom. I stress over things all moms stress over when to potty train and where to send them to school, and its ok obviously I know that no ones perfect so why do we seek perfection?? Why do we assume that we wont be good enough or arent good enough??  When will it end?? The truth is I have no answer to these questions , maybe when its closer to time to bring Him home I will, or maybe I wont but it wont matter.  It will be  irrelevant whether we teach Connor to say please pass the potatoes or whether he helps himself, it just doesnt matter. What matters is that He knows that Jesus blood can cover any mistake He could ever make, That we make sure He understands that God love will never go away, or give up on Him. What matters is that We love him with everything we have and that with everything we do we point him towards Christ . That we love him for who he is not that we bury our heads in the sand and pretend were exactly the same, but that we see our differences and we rejoice and celebrate them. If we do all this those others things wont matter much and they will just kinda fall into place.

   I remember looking up to women with children who have special needs, those who were a little different, but still amazing no less. I remember telling them on more than one occassion how they were specifically chosen to be their childs mother because God knew they had what it took.   He knew they  would be the "perfect " mom to their child. Now God has chosen me to parent a child that the world will say is far less than perfect, and the truth is im petrified. I worry, I stress, I am a thousand emotions, but what overwhelms me the most is knowing That God thinks I have what it takes. That The King of the Universe saw simple old me and said thats her, She is who I want to be Connors Mother. He sees so much more in me than I could ever see in myself and that overwhelms me.

Hello Busy . . . .

          We have been insanely busy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im talking last week we had somewhere to be every single night!!! Although I am thankful for friends and things we are blessed to be apart of I am TIRED!!!!  Also its has been great as far as waiting on news from Hong Kong, but still Jeremy and I both just need a rest, just a break, a second to catch our breath so to speak. Have you ever been so busy that you feel you cant fully give each task 100%?? Isnt that worse than saying hey I cant do it all and giving up a few responsibilities on your plate?? Whats your opinion??

A Bright Future

  Today I am rejoicing as The Fellowship Church officially has a new home!!! Today papers were signed and we now have a building that is all our own. Words cannot even describe our excitement!!! We are in awe of how far God has brought us in just two short years. From meeting in our pastors home to renting we have been blessed and we are thankful for each step of the road even the hard times with no heat and a water pipe busting leaving our church drenched we are grateful because it all makes this moment so much more meaningful. We still have lots of renovations but we are thankful that we see such a bright future, its not us or anything we have done or will do, its about Christ and how He is working , without Him this all means nothing.

Please continue to pray that God would use this building to bring those who are lost into a meaningful relationship with Him. Pray that we could use the resources God is giving us to point others toward Him. Pray that we would live and love like Jesus!

Adoption Timeline

Adoption is hard, Adoption takes time, Adoption is gonna be totally worth it!!!!!!! Heres a look at our adoption timeline.

April 3 2014 submitted Preliminary Application.

April 6   2014          Submitted formal Application

April 7   2014          announced on facebook so that friends and family could cover us in prayer.

April 10  2014         Talked to  International Intake  Coordinator about our Country options.

April 17    2014       Got the call our Formal Application had been approved.

April 17   2014         Attended information meeting at Agency. Received homestudy paperwork.

April 28    2014        Couples interview for home study.

May 12   2014          individual interviews for home study.

10 training hours complete

June 12 2014              Jeremy dr appt for home study

June 19 2014              Steph Dr appt for home study

July 10     2014          Home Visit for home study

10 more training hours complete

October 9 2014          Home Study complete 

November 7 2014      Home Study approved!!!!

December 8 2014       Fingerprints in Atlanta for USCIS paperwork

December 15 2014      Praying about something huge!!

December 30 2014       USCIS Approval

January 11 2015          God answers something huge

January 12 2015           Dr Appts for Dossier

January 13 2015           Something Huge Unofficially

January 19 2015            TB test for dossier paperwork, getting papers notarized

January 26 2015            Dossier sent to Global Home office

February 4 2015            Dossier sent to Hong Kong

Working on our last 10 training hours and waiting to hear from Hong Kong.

Its been a long hard journey so far, but God has never left us and we are overwhelmed at how He has carried us each step of the way.

Its not ok to say that!

 Imagine this, someone you know comes up to your car window and when you roll it down they say "Can you not have babies??"   First of all let me say that ITS NOT OK TO SAY THAT.  Secondly its none of your business and thirdly how rude can you be!!!!!

 This is peoples mentality, they must have to adopt because they cant have their own bless their hearts, I wonder if its her?? I bet its Him??



I am here to set the record straight ITS NEVER OK TO SAY THAT. Dont ask anyone. Just dont.

Let me say I do not have to adopt. I am blessed because God is allowing me to adopt.
Its humbling when the creator of the universe forms little eyes that are yours and little hands that are your husbands, and you are overwhelmed that He made them just for you and that you get to carry them for nine months. Its an amazing gift and I am not trying to take away from it one bit.
 However I am just as humbled to know that the creator of the universe picked a baby just for me. I didnt give birth to them they were born to another mother maybe they have her eyes and their fathers hands,  I am overwhelmed that I will be the one wiping tears from those eyes and that little hand will be held tightly in my hand. So this gift is just as amazing as having a child grow in my stomach for nine months, and I am not sad!! I am overflowing with joy I am thrilled that I get to adopt and that it is not second choice or option two, but it is the way I will be growing my family. It is Gods plan for me.

Just because I am excited and extremely happy about adopting doesnt mean that you can be insensitive and ask me about having biological children. You dont know my story, you dont know the path I have walked.

I have found that even women who do not want child, women who have their minds made up still want the option. No one wants to think that their body does not work the way it was meant to. Man or woman. So no its not ok to whisper and gossip  about which one it is thats broken.

Its a little different if your family, or if were close friends and we are sitting in a one on one setting, but still be careful and be sensitive. However if I barely know you please do not come nonchalantly up to my car window and  blurt out such a rude and insulting question.

Seriously its never ok to say that!

***True story***

I am His real Mother

 Where is His real Mother????

I am His real Mother.

I will always answer this question this way. Its not because im being smart, its because its true. God picked Him just for me. He knew long before I did about a little boy who would be renamed Connor Malone and He knew I would be his mother, His real Mother.

Obviously He has a biological Mother as well, but that will be His story to tell not mine.

So please dont ask me where my sons real mother is.

A entry from my prayer Journal 24 months later is coming true!!!

                 I never told anyone this  but  when we lived in Montana I knew we were suppose to adopt. I felt it so strongly, I can't explain why, but I just knew. I kept a prayer journal and here is my entry from January 10th, 2013

Dear God,

 I come to you tonight more excited than ever about my future! I have had adoption on my mind lately. I always assumed Jeremy would be dead against it, so as I read The Power of a Praying Wife every night I pray for him. I secretly began praying that if adoption is something you might want us to do that you would open his heart to it. Tonight adoption got brought up and Jeremy said if we cant have our own we will definitely adopt. I was shocked and so was he when I suggested we adopt regardless of whether we can or cant have biological children.  He said we would pray about it and seek your direction. So here I am Lord. I pray that if you want us to adopt you will send us a clear sign that we absolutely cannot push away or shrug off. Make it clear to both of us. God you know my heart and I know you hear every prayer. I pray for a family. It truly doesnt matter to me whether biological or adopted. I know you have a plan. I pray for your guidance and direction and the financial side. I pray for us to have a clear mind and be wise in every decision. I pray God for our future children. If they are adopted I pray for their parents and those who will care for them. Lord if adoption is your plan for us I pray that we will choose the right agency.

It is so overwhelming to know that God was working on my heart 16 months before we ever started the adoption journey. To know that I prayed for so long and this is finally happening.

Not long after writing that prayer I would look at Reeces Rainbow all the time! The mission of Reece’s Rainbow is to advocate and find families for orphans with Down syndrome and other special needs by raising funds for adoption grants and promoting awareness through an online community, media communications, and other events.

I was drawn to the children with down syndrome and I talked to Jeremy about it often. However at the time He did not want to hear about it ( another story for another time haha). I find it so incredibly interesting to know that God was working on my heart way back then. 

   In case you havent heard we have answered the call God has placed on our lives to not only adopt, but to adopt a child with down syndrome. It will not be a easy road, but we know this is the road God has for us. 

So how amazing is our God that 24 months after I prayed that first prayer  Our paperwork is in Hong Kong and we will hopefully be matched with our son soon. Gods ways are perfect and I am so excited about this journey and although its unknown and completely scary I cannot wait to be a mother to my precious son who will happen to rock a extra chromosome. 

Every second has been for Connor

   I have longed to be a mother for almost 7 years. I have prayed for a baby all that time. I have begged, I have sobbed , and I have shed plenty of tears and today it dawned on me that Every second has been for Connor. Every tear has been for him. Long before I knew we were called to adopt, there was a empty spot in our hearts and it could only be filled by him. We werent longing for any baby, we were longing for Connor. We werent praying for our biological child, we were praying for Connor. We obviously had no idea, but it was all for him. Every year, every month, every day, every second , every tear, every prayer it was all for Connor.


        Every second has been for Connor and that makes Gods plan for us so much more overwhelming. To think that God picked a child just for you. That He saw a baby who needed parents and He saw you longing for a child and He had the perfect plan for Two Worlds away to one day collide.



He knew, He always knew that my heart was longing for Connor long before I ever knew.

Every second has been for Connor.

Excited and Anxious about moving forward!!!

   Hey guys!!! First off I wanna apologize for not posting on here lately, its just alot of what is happening right now I cant put on social media :) meaning there is movement in our adoption. I cant post all the details but I will say that we need your prayers. Prayers for funding, prayers for strength, prayers for answers, prayers for our little guy, prayers prayers and more prayers.


We have sent our paperwork to our global branch in Michigan! We have a few things to complete, but our dossier should be sent to Hong Kong very soon. Once it arrives it will be reviewed and somewhere within the next 5 months we should be matched with our sweet Connor!!!!   It is all becoming so real and it can be very scary at the same time, but we are so excited and anxious to welcome our little man into our family it washes most of the fear away.

Thank you for your support and for loving our little man right along with us!!!